Two Years

Tomorrow marks two years of Russia’s all out war against Ukraine. Technically, Russia invaded Ukraine 10 years ago this month, but tomorrow marks two years since we woke to bombs exploding and our house shaking. Tomorrow marks two years of a new way of life. Tomorrow marks two years of great pain and sorrow in our land. We now think of our lives in terms of “before” and “after” and tomorrow marks two years of “after”. We will never be the same because now we know so many things that we never knew before. We have endured tragedy and fear and indecision like never before. We’ll never be who we were “before” so now we learn how to live with who we have become “after”.

I pretty much stopped writing about the war here on the blog and in our newsletters. Partly because, what do I even say? “Yes, it’s still happening…and please don’t stop praying”?? Partly because I just don’t want to talk about it online. Partly (or a lot) because I’m afraid you don’t want to hear about it. But mostly because talking about it, writing about it, forces me to confront my own thoughts about it and I usually just don’t want to go there. All the war-related pieces of my heart are out-of-bounds, a pandora’s box that I’d rather not open, a painful wound that I don’t want to touch. The war is always there, in the background or in the foreground, lingering on the sidelines or shouting in our faces. It is the backdrop of our lives. It has changed us as people and as an organization, and diving into the hows, the whats, and the whys requires a level of introspection that I rarely have the gumption to rise to.

We often have days here on the Homestead when the war seems a world away. We continue on with our work, loving and caring for our boys, our Homestead like a bubble of safety that the world dares not penetrate. We ride the horses, play with the puppies, enjoy coffee and celebrations with our boys, sing together, cook together, pray together. Our life here with our boys is not easy and has its own special (ever-changing) set of challenges, but what we have here is special and despite everything, we feel safe here on our property. We don’t live in a constant state of fear and worry. We press on because we know that God has called us to press on, to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Our mission has never been more important than it is now and we are committed to it with all of our hearts. I thank God for the peace He has given us and the blessing He has poured out on our family, our team, and this place. After fleeing and living as refugees in a foreign land, I will never again take this Homestead for granted. It is truly God’s gift to everyone who steps foot inside the gates.

So, we don’t live in constant fear, but it would be dishonest and unrealistic to say we do not have moments of fear and uncertainty. The current news is extremely disheartening, to say the least. We are outmanned and our ammunition is quickly being depleted. The current political climate in the US, my native country, is impossible to comprehend and the consequences of political decisions being made (or not made) there are super frightening for us living here in Ukraine. I remember a Youtube video I made during the first few days of the war when I just couldn’t believe that the world wasn’t rushing in to help. We were in shock that the world just stood by and watched, expecting Kyiv to fall within days. It was the most vulnerable, scary feeling ever. I don’t want to feel that again, but the feelings are creeping back to haunt us. Please world, please USA, please Europe, please NATO, please don’t give up on us. Please don’t let the madman win. Please don’t believe the Russian propaganda. Please believe Ukraine is worth saving. Please don’t stop caring. Please don’t get tired of this. Our lives and the lives of so many we love depend on it.

The first year anniversary of this war was highly emotional for us all. We were haunted by memories of those first few weeks. Now, this year, we don’t look so much at the past, but think more about the future. I feel “safe” today on my wonderful Homestead. But what about tomorrow? What about 6 months from now? If things continue on the current trajectory we are in for a world of hurt this coming year. Yet we know that God promises to be with us. He doesn’t promise us safety, but he promises to never leave us or forsake us. He has called us to this work and so we press on.

Would you pray with us on this anniversary for our precious Ukraine? Will you pray that God’s will would be done in this land? Would you pray with us for a miraculous victory that only God can provide? At this point we realize that we can not lift our eyes to politicians or countries or governments for our rescue. God is our rescuer and our lives are in his hands.

I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayer. Please don’t forget Ukraine.

BeLOVE[d]