Hellooooooooo! Long time no see. I’m emerging from my study cave to chat with you all and it’s a welcome excuse to give my brain a much-needed break. So, thanks for that. I have a big exam coming up in February for my Functional Medicine studies and all the time I spent Christmasing is kind of catching up with me. But here I am, so let’s get to it!

On Tuesday we had our semimonthly assistant meeting here on the ol’ Homestead and the discussion we had there has been rolling around in my head ever since. Masha leads the meetings and she is often bringing us back to our organization’s values of dignity, love, and hope. It’s impossible to talk about our values too much. They must be always present in our minds. We’re humans and it’s way too easy for us to veer away from them, so we talk about our values always.

Masha was presenting some scenarios to the team and asking them to look at them through the lens of our values and share which value was lacking in the scenario, and how we could do things differently. She asked us to put ourselves in the place of the boys and think of how we would feel in the situation. We talked about issues like modesty, personal privacy, the way we talk to the boys or the words that we choose to use. It was a good reminder to never allow ourselves to place ourselves on a level “higher” than the boys- to not just do things for them or to them, but to do things with them. Dignity always. Love always. Hope always. We can never talk about it enough. I know I fail every day so I reeeeeally need to constantly come back to our values.

As I’ve been mulling over that conversation I keep coming back to the idea of what it is to truly be known. It’s the longing of each of our hearts, to know and to be known. It’s the longing of our boys’ hearts, even if they can’t verbalize it. Of course it is! The longing to be truly known by others is part of what makes us human. We were created with the desire to be loved and known first of all by our Creator, and then second , by other humans. We long to be understood, for someone to truly “get” us. Our boys want to be understood and “got” just like the rest of us. And the more we as a team strive to deeply know our boys and understand them, the more dignity, hope, and love naturally flow from us.

In that meeting we recognized as a team that in our comfort with our boys we can sometimes lack love or dignity in the way we speak to them. And after years of living together we can get used to the boys the way they are and forget to hope that they could continue to grow and heal. It’s like with any family- the ones you love the most sometimes get the worst of you. And like with most families- your family members tend to be the least likely people to recognize changes in you or even allow changes in you. They see you through sibling or parent-tinted glasses that are very difficult to remove. Here on the Homestead we can also be guilty of wearing glasses that are tinted with the mundane. There is beauty in the closeness and familiarity of family. It’s beautiful how well we know our boys and how close we feel to them. But that closeness, while providing love and security, can also sometimes lack dignity or hope. The fight to keep our hearts right and to keep a beginner’s mind is real. But we are choosing to fight for it because our boys deserve all the dignity, love, and hope ever.

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When we first took Boris out of the institution eight years ago he was full of emotion. Allllll the emotions were present and accounted for. He had moments of great joy, but also plenty of moments of frustration or maybe sadness. He was loud and expressive and over time we began to learn what his different sounds and expressions meant. Bmo doesn’t speak, so I can’t say with certainty how often we got it right or wrong, but we had beginner’s minds and tried to become as fluent in Bmo-Speak as possible. I’d like to think I’m fairly fluent at Bmo-Speak at this point; maybe even at Native Speaker level!

Bmo’s way of expressing himself and his emotions has ebbed and flowed over the years of life together. There have been periods of time when Bmo was the loudest person in the house, and then stretches of time when he didn’t make any sounds- happy or sad. We recently weaned Boris off of medication we had given him to prevent self-harm because the stretch of silence had gone on for too long. Bmo needed the medication when the war first started and we had to move as refugees to Germany. That whole experience broke Boris in a way, and it feels like he has never fully recovered. He lost many of his skills he had worked so hard to gain like toileting and dressing himself. He began to hit himself again and he was so emotionally disregulated that he would just run up and down the halls of the church screaming and unable to stop himself. For his own safety and security we began to medicate him again, but the trade off was that we lost a part of our precious Bmo. He retreated into himself and almost all of his positive communication went away. Our relationship devolved into him only wanting contact when he was asking for a need to be met and me meeting his needs. It didn’t appear that he was interested in any other kind of interaction. It was sad, disappointing, and honestly very exhausting. I think I lost hope that we would get our happy Boris back. I wondered if he was gone for good.

Then in December I decided to try weaning him off of his med. He seemed fairly stable, emotionally, and I decided to just give it a try. I don’t know, maybe God gave me a crazy moment of hope, or maybe I just got tired of the status of our relationship, but for whatever reason, I decided to give it a whirl.

The last month of Bmo being off meds has been a roller coaster for him and for the rest of us here on the Homestead. He started off being quite disregulated and screaming A LOT. I was out of town for a couple of weeks and the team began writing to me “Bmo is screaming all the time…what do we do??” He was quite unhappy, to put it mildly. But over the past week or so since I’ve been back I’ve seen glimpses of the old Bmo returning to us. He’s starting making his happy “beeping” Bmo sounds when I tuck him in at night. He’s making his loud, in your face, laugh/yell when he’s excited. He’s doing the Bmo “happy trill” when it’s time for his shower. Sigh, music to my ears. Sure, there is a heck of a lot of screaming in the mix as well, but I’ll take the screaming if it means I also get the beeps and the trills and the hums.

I know I can contribute much of the change in his disposition to him being off meds, but I also see how my attitude change plays into the mix. I’ve been asking the Lord to renew my love for Bmo. I’ve been asking for new hope, new patience, new tenderness. I need to see Boris with fresh eyes, to take off my exhausted-caregiver-tinted glasses and blink a few times. Bmo deserves a mom who allows him to change. He deserves to be “gotten” as he is now, not as he has been for the past almost 4 years, and I don’t want our closeness to lead to loss of dignity, love, or hope. I love Bmo deeply and he deserves to be known and loved by me as he is today.

Our Father in heaven never gives up on us. We fail over and over again, but he still chooses to use us to serve our boys. It’s seriously humbling. May God grant each of us the courage to seek to know others and to let ourselves be known by them. May we allow the ones we love space to grow and change without our judgement or family-tinted glasses, even if we feel hopeless. I think the journey of knowing will be worth it.

Ten years ago we introduced you to our friend, Boris. Now we would like to reintroduce him to you as our beloved family member. Boris (“Bmo”) has lived with us for 7 years now and is a known, loved, and treasured member of our family. We can’t imagine our lives without him. ❤️

See Bmo ten years ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHfxe3cWKkM&t=0s&ab_channel=WideAwakeInternational

We’re nearing the end of a doozy of a year and I realized, amidst all the talk of war and peace, I haven’t updated you on our boys in quite some time. This whole work exists because of them and for them, so I figured you might be wondering how they are doing! If you follow our team’s Instagram account or subscribe to our newsletter you have definitely seen pics of our fellows, but really good updates have been few and far between. So, consider this my end-of-year gift to you- part 1. We just have too many boys these days to try to write one big blog post about all of them. That’s a good problem to have! In this post I’ll share about Vlad, Boris, Ruslan, and Anton, and then in the next post, I’ll write about Sasha, Yaroslav, and Vova. Let’s dive in!

Vlad joined our family in 2015, is now 22 years old, and is living in Oregon Vladislav (aka Vlad, Vladik, Vladchik, Vlad the Builder, Vlad the Chicken Man) is doing fantastic! Many of you commented after his latest Youtube appearance that he was like a completely different person and I have to say that you’re not wrong. Vlad has grown and changed in ways we could have never imagined. When we adopted him 7 years ago he was barely verbal and whatever words he did have were barely intelligible. Now he is fluent in Ukrainian and English (and understands Russian) and is understood well by most people, most of the time. Vlad is crazy smart and crazy creative. We are so proud of the man he is becoming.

Vlad currently lives in Oregon with my parents. After our time as refugees in Germany, our Johnson family decided to make a quick visit to Oregon to see family and to do some Wide Awake business. Right before we left Germany to head to Oregon we had the idea to leave Vlad there for some time. Vlad has a lot of issues with his teeth and the structure of his mouth. Those issues have worsened drastically over the years and no one in Ukraine will even touch him. I get it- it’s a bit of a hot mess in there. There is an orthodontist in Oregon who years ago had offered to treat Vlad for free. We were thankful but knew we could never relocate our family to Oregon for the time it would take to treat Vlad’s mouth. But Vlad has grown, matured, and changed so much, we decided that he was ready to be in Oregon for his treatment without us. It kind of felt like a “now or never” moment. We asked my parents if Vlad could live with them, and they said yes! My mom just retired in May, so she has the time now to support Vlad that she wouldn’t have had before. I was able to visit Vlad there in November and he is absolutely thriving with my parents. We could never ever express to them how very thankful we are for their love and support of Vlad. It means the world to us.

In November Vlad began working in landscaping at a local company that employs people with disabilities. He only went to work once, then got sick, then visited us in Ukraine, but he arrives back in Oregon today and next week will get to begin working twice a week. He is loved by his church family and some of our friends back in Oregon. He is just doing great!! Also, his teeth are really changing. It’s exciting to see that progress. Vlad is happy, healthy, and thriving.

How you can pray for Vlad: Pray for peace in Vlad’s heart while he is away from us. He really does worry about us and our safety. He thinks about the war here and I know he feels a lot of emotions about it. Also, please pray that he would find friendship at his new job. I would just love for him to have a friend there.

Boris joined our family in 2017, is now 30 years old, and lives in our home. Boris (aka Bmo, Borya, Borka, Beemchick, Beemchick my Weemchick) has been in our family for 5 years! I can’t even believe that, but it also feels like he’s just always been with us. We love our Bmo. This year has been a rough one for our Mister Man. I mean, who am I kidding, it’s been a rough one for us all. But Bmo has really shown us with his body how stressful, difficult, and confusing 2022 has been for him. Navigating war, living as refugees, and then entering back into life in a country still at war has been challenging for all of our boys. Their understanding of the situation is limited, and for the ones who are nonverbal, it’s even harder because we don’t know how much they do and don’t understand and we don’t know what worries they hold inside of them. When we lived in the church all together in Germany Boris struggled soooo much. Who knows? Maybe he thought that was our new permanent home. Maybe he thought “Well, I guess this is what our life is now…” He was very vocal about his frustration with life there and he regressed in many of his skills and abilities. It was really heartbreaking to see, and actually, his regression ultimately helped us make the decision to return home to Ukraine. His suffering was painful to watch and there was nothing we could do to make it better for him. So hard. Transitioning back to life here in Ukraine has been good for our Bmo, but it has not been easy. It’s not like we got back home, the switch was flipped, and he was suddenly back to his old self. If only. No, it has been a hard road of recovery, but bit by bit he is getting back to where he was before the war began. We’re still in a war zone though, so some of our struggles will remain until the war ends and we can truly begin to feel safe and secure again…whatever that may look like. It’s honestly hard to imagine feeling truly safe again, but even still, we pray for God to comfort Bmo and bring him peace in his heart. He has made great strides since we returned home in July. We just keep loving him and helping him to feel secure in his place in our home and family. Boris is a gift to our family and I truly can’t imagine our lives without him.

How you can pray for Boris: Please pray for Boris to have peace and calm in his heart and mind. He is sooooo stressed much of the time. He even shakes because of the tension in his body. He isn’t harming himself, but he is very obviously not at peace.

Ruslan joined our family in 2018, is now 35 years old, and lives in an apartment with our team member, Luda. I would say that out of all of our boys Ruslan (aka Rus, Ruslanchik) has grown and changed the most over this past year. It’s absolutely incredible to see how much he has matured! Rus really doesn’t like change, especially when it is unexpected. He is a big fan of routine and knowing what comes next. So, as you can imagine, we were quite concerned about how Ruslan would do when we evacuated to Germany. I am amazed to say that Ruslan did amazingly well in Germany, and he even thrived there. If you would have told me a year ago that Rus would sleep in a room with 7 other people and do just fine I would have laughed in your face. But he did! He slept with 7 other people in one room. He lived with 39 other people in the church and was mostly happy. It was truly miraculous. One massive saving grace was that in Germany Ruslan was able to work. A place that employs people with disabilities took Rus and Vlad under their wing and the two of them were able to go to work 5 days a week. I think if Ruslan hadn’t had the stability of the work he would have really struggled in Germany. It was such a loving, positive environment and Ruslan really thrived there. We are so thankful for that experience.

After we returned home to Ukraine Ruslan began working at the electrical shop where Vlad used to work before the war. Our friend, Dima, really believes in the value of our guys and dreams of providing more work for people like our boys. His team likes having Rus there and Ruslan feels so proud to have occupation. He is slowly learning how to do different tasks and Dima even makes up work for Rus, just so he feels that he is helpful and needed there. It’s really great. Ruslan works at Dima’s shop Monday through Thursday for a little over 2 hours a day. We are super thankful to Dima for loving Rus and providing him with the possibility to work.

Ruslan is fun-loving, and caring, and really loves to pray and go to church. We love him so very much!

How you can pray for Ruslan: Pray for Ruslan to continue to grow in wisdom and to truly know that he is loved.

Anton joined our family in 2018, is now 34 years old, and lives in Side B of the duplex with Grant, Sasha, and Lois the cat. Our precious Anton (aka Antoshka, Antoha, Antonchik) has gained so many words over this past year! When we first took Anton from the institution he could say one word, the Ukrainian word for “God”. If you asked him who loved him he would answer “God”. Over the years he has learned to mimic a lot of words that people say and sometimes repeat after them, but this year he has begun to say a lot of words independently! It’s really great when he can express his wants and desires and we can only hope that his verbal skills will keep growing because I think better communication is key to helping Anton when his emotions are too big to handle. He is a high-emotion dude and in the past, any negative emotion would be expressed in anger. He is now able to sometimes express sadness too, which is a big step!

Germany was pretty rough on our Antoshka. Our living situation was basically like a mini institution and he absolutely did not thrive in that environment. It was no surprise to us that he struggled. Actually, I’m pretty amazed he held it together as long as he did! I didn’t really talk about it publicly, but in May we ended up sending Anton from Germany back to Ukraine to live with our team members that had remained here at the Homestead. Anton was struggling so hard and his aggression was growing and growing. He basically became a 1:1 and since there were so many vulnerable people living all together and no way to isolate him, there was just no way for us to keep people safe. It was actually a really tragic and impossible decision. We felt we had no option. We had to remove him from the church, but there was nowhere for him to go but home. Oleg and Maxim, two of our team members, were living here at the Homestead so Grant drove Anton to the border of Ukraine where Oleg met them and took Anton home. Although we felt we had no other alternative, it ended up being the best decision ever for Anton. We knew our guys could keep him safe and if things were to go bad here they could easily put him in the car and drive to Western Ukraine. We didn’t worry about his physical safety, but we definitely worried about his emotional state and how he would feel, being separated from all of us. His understanding is really limited, so we knew he would be super confused and sad. But, Oleg and Maxim did a great job with him and actually, once Anton was back here we knew it was just a matter of time before everyone else joined him. We are his guardians. We knew we couldn’t stay a couple of countries away from him for long. He just gave us the kickstart we needed. 🙂

Since returning home Anton has done fairly well. He has his good seasons and hard seasons, but overall I would say he has had more good times than bad times. He is surrounded by people who love him dearly and he knows it. He is happy, healthy, and growing and he is very precious to us.

How you can pray for Anton: Please pray for Anton to learn to care for others. Pray for him to learn to express his emotions without aggression toward others.

Thank you for loving our boys! I know much of the growth they have experienced is because of the faithful prayers of the people who love them. They are all on journeys of healing and we are so honored to walk beside them and to be their family. Thank you for helping to make their freedom possible.

Sign up for our newsletter: https://wideawakeinternational.org/contact

See Ukraine’s Eurovision Entry! 🇺🇦: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UiEGVYOruLk

So, what exactly do we even do here in Ukraine?  Wide Awake International has a lot of moving parts and I don’t blame you if you have a bit of a hard time keeping them all straight 😆.  In this episode, I introduce our boys and our team, explain the full picture of what we are doing here in Ukraine, and describe the different focuses of our work here. It’s an info-heavy episode…you’ve been warned!

PS: My brother, the super-talented Matt Bittner, is our new sound designer for the podcast! The music is his and it’s perfect. 

Read about when we adopted Vlad

When we brought Boris home

Bringing home Ruslan and Anton

Bringing home Sasha

Wide Awake Int. Org Chart

It’s been a while since I wrote an update about all our boys, right? I tried valiantly, for a while, to do the prayer team updates once a month, but I got a little burned out on that. It just ended up being too much. So…it kinda fizzled. Sorry about that. 🤷‍♀️ I’ll make it up to you now with an update about each of the boys you love so much. As you’ll see below, they are just doing really, really well. We are thankful that right now all of our boys are happy, healthy, and thriving.

Vlad. Can you believe our Vlad is 21 years old now? He’s officially an adult, so he’s working hard at learning how an adult should behave and taking on more adult responsibilities. Vlad has taken on the responsibility of caring for the goats along with the chickens and I have to admit that I get a good chuckle watching him try to wrangle them into the yard at night. It is a sight to behold and probably the only time you will ever see Vlad angry at any living being. 😂 He still goes to work at the electrical shop 3 days a week for about 4 hours and it’s going “okay”. There are good days, and not so good days. Vlad has the most wonderful, kind, patient boss, but it’s still a challenge for him to stay focused and motivated at work without mom or dad there to keep him in line 🤦‍♀️. I hope he can keep his job, but he’s going to need to rise up to the challenge if he wants to keep working. We’re also searching for the balance of what kind of work can challenge Vlad so he can grow, but also work in which he can be successful. It’s all one big experiment.

Physically, Vlad is doing great. We decided to wait until next winter to being working on his orthodontics back in the US. Right now he is needs a lot of support from us and it just doesn’t seem like the right time for him to be so far away. We’ll see! He is generally happy and thriving. The other day he brought me his Christmas list that he wrote out himself. It was written in a mixture of Ukrainian and English and it just made me smile. He is such a joy and we are thankful that he is our son.

Boris. Our sweet Bmo is doing so great!! He really is growing and changing right now. He has started to communicate more and more of his needs and desires and I think that brings him joy- when we understand him. He mostly communicates by bringing us the thing he wants (like a cup when he wants a drink, or his blanket when he wants to sleep), but he also will occasionally use cards. It’s encouraging to see him trying to communicate. He’s also using the toilet more frequently with great success. We are all super happy about that!

Boris is still med-free and self-harm-free. We stopped giving him meds at the beginning of last year and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t hit himself even once. I’m still in awe of that miracle. I never dreamed he would have a life without hurting himself. He has been laughing a lot lately and is just generally really happy and content. The past couple of weeks he has been vocalizing more too! It’s so strange to hear consonant sounds coming from his mouth. What if someday he speaks!? 🤩

Ruslan. Rus is still living with Luda and her son, Nazar, in an apartment in town and it is great. Luda is really the perfect person for Ruslan and they do so well together. She gives him a lot of independence and he is thriving in that. He is growing and maturing, emotionally, and is all-around happy! Of course, he still has his moments when trauma rears its ugly head, but he is growing in that. He is better able to handle unexpected changes in plans and negative emotions. The team has been working hard on that with him.

Ruslan loves meeting friends for coffee. When he goes to a cafe he always orders a “cappuccinko”. 😂 He is so super social and I love watching him at church, how he walks up and greets all the different people he knows. Such a man! I’m really proud of Ruslan. He is making great strides and brings us a lot of joy and laughter. In the past, my relationship with him has gone through some difficulties, but God has brought a lot of healing to my heart and I’m so thankful that I am in a place right now where I can just delight in Ruslan. He is a precious gift to our family and our team. 🥰

Anton. Antoshka is talking up a storm! In the past, Anton has really only spoken we have asked him to, when was repeating after us, or when he was angry. But right now he is in a season of exploding vocabulary! He is talking on his own accord and saying things we have never heard him say before. He’s singing a lot too, which usually is a sign with him that all is well. He’s in a really good place these days.

Back in the late summer, early fall he was really stressed and had lost some weight. He was looking pretty skinny and just not healthy, in general. But, over the last two months, he has gained 12 pounds! Anton really shows us his emotional well-being through his body- his skin coloring, his weight. So a chubby Anton is a happy Anton. And that makes the rest of us happy too. 🥰 Anton is taking more “responsibility” for Sasha and will even take things away from him if he knows Sasha is holding something he’s not allowed to have. The other day I was in the kitchen at the duplex and I heard Anton yell “Sashaaaaaaa!!!” I ran to the bathroom and Sasha was trying to climb into the (empty) bathtub while Anton was trying to stop him. Big brother was watching out for Sasha. 😊 This is huge because in the past Anton has really only ever seemed to care about Anton. The fact that he is watching Sasha and interacting with him like that is actually a big step for Anton. I’m proud. ❤️

Sasha. Oh Sasha. He just brings us all so much joy! I remember back when we first decided to pursue guardianship of Sasha, we felt the Lord speak to us that he would bring joy to us all, and that has totally been true. His transition to family life has been the easiest of all the boys- by a mile. He was just ready! He is the cuddliest, sweetest man-child (😆) ever. Often Sasha is in content in his own world, but as time goes by he is more and more willing to engage. He responds to his name now (sometimes) and will follow some simple commands. Sasha loves to cuddle, sing, run, spin in circles, play with water bottles, and grab everything in sight that he’s not supposed to have. 😉 He also really loves to eat, but I think that goes without saying. He is a 15-year-old boy, after all and he’s growing like a weed. He’s about to grow out of all of his pants and has gained about 25lbs. since he came home to us in May. 😱

Sasha has epilepsy and when he came to us he was on two medications: one he took twice a day and one he took three times a day. Now, six months later, he takes only one of those medications, twice a day. Woot! The neurologist is happy with the changes in Sasha’s brain activity and now that he is on less medication he is more interactive and alert throughout the day. Sleep is sometimes a bit hit or miss, but mostly fine. We are just so incredibly thankful that Sasha is in our family and we all adore him. He is a gift.

Thanks to everyone who prays for our boys. It is such a joy to share how they are developing and changing. Sometimes it feels like we struggle with the same things over and over, month after month, year after year, (because we do…😜) but when I sit down and write out an update like this I marvel at how much they really have grown! These are not little children we are talking about! Besides Sasha, these are grown men, yet they still change and grow. They have so much to overcome every single day, but they do it. They allow us into their worlds and they let us love them. And then they love us back. I know I’ve said it a bazillion times, but I just can’t even begin to imagine our lives without our boys. They are God’s gifts to us.

I’m tellin’ you what, we have been celebrating like crazy around here! Birthday after birthday after birthday. The past month or so has been a birthday explosion, and I’m not a weighing type person, but if I were, I’m certain the scales would indicate just how much we’ve partied. 😂

Celebrations around here are sweet. They don’t call for many ingredients. Simplicity is at the core. All you need for a Wide Awake celebration is some tasty baked treats (gluten and lactose free for our Anton), fruit, tea with sugar, a speaker, and some music. Decorations are nice, but the treats and the dancing are the main focus of every celebration. Our boys and our team love a good dance party- the louder the music, the better.

I love love love seeing our boys celebrated by so many people. I love seeing the gifts our team members buy for the boys because it just shows how well each of them are known. Our team knows just the thing that each of them will like. For Anton it’s anything that can spin and anything he can eat. For Bmo it’s mainly just candy. Haha. They are known and they are seen as individuals. That is no small thing.

“Every child, every person needs to know that they are a source of joy; every child, every person, needs to be celebrated. Only when all of our weaknesses are accepted as part of our humanity can our negative, broken self-images be transformed.” -Jean Vanier

Having flown across the sea a number of times with any number of children, I’d like to think of myself as a veteran child/luggage/passport wrangler. I’m not easily phased by the prospect of 24 hours of travel with multiple dependents. At this point in life, traveling with less than 4 children is basically like flying solo, in my book. And if Jed is with me and we can tag-team? Oh baby, Amazing Race has nothing on us. We are unstoppable.

Now, flying during a pandemic with this many dependents, two of whom (I’m looking at you Bmo and Evie) will keep masks on for approximately 3 seconds before sending them shooting across the room, is pushing our skills to the next level. If it wasn’t for the fact that we haven’t been back to the US as a family for 2.5 years, and have in-person-Wide-Awake-business that needs to be done, I’m not sure we would attempt it. Am I nervous? Maybe a little. But, you see, our whole married life has been preparing us for this. When we were newlyweds we were taking teams of teenagers on short-term trips to work with Jed’s parents in Kosova. Flying with 15 teens and a 3 month old Addy during our second year of marriage was good prep for our current situation. 😉

You’d think with all my gloating confidence I would be uber-prepared with laminated checklists and labeled passports…but, I have to confess that that is not the case. Jed and I are more “fly by the seat of our pants and pray everything gets done in time” type people. Somehow we manage to check everything off the lists (which we scribble on the back of receipts and lose 5 times before we actually check everything off), but I’m not sure our method is for everyone.

One week Till Go-Time

• Decide to host a Thanksgiving feast for 25 people. Be sure to include everything on the menu and don’t cut any corners! Erect a tent outside to keep the feast pandemic-friendly. Make everything from scratch, as all the conveniences can’t be found in your host country. Spend 2 days in your kitchen totally destroying the deep-cleaning you did the week before while you were thinking you were “ahead of the game”.
• Contact your brother to ask to borrow his van while in the US. You know, since you’ll be in the US for almost two months, it might be good to have a vehicle to drive…(face palm).
• Check travel requirements and the lockdown situation in the states you are headed to. Search the internet for COVID testing sites that don’t require a physicians order. Make sure Boris can still enter the US on his visa and keep your fingers crossed that the world stays intact for just a few more days till you all cross the border together.

5 Days Till Go-Time

• Stress about how you’ll keep a mask on Bmo and Evie for 20 hours. Lay awake at all hours of the night thinking about that instead of sleeping. You wouldn’t want to go into the travels too rested! Also, don’t forget to worry about Anton and Ruslan and if they’ll understand that you’re coming back. Sleep is for the weak.
• Stock up on groceries for the next several days so you won’t be running to the store constantly and can focus on preparing for the trip. Make sure to forget TP and milk and at least three other items, just to insure you do have to, in fact, run to the store constantly.

4 Days Till Go-Time

• Get all the suitcases out of the old house on the property where they’ve been stored for the past couple of years. Make sure to open them outside, as last time you opened one inside the house a mouse ran out and emotionally scarred you for life. You’ll never trust a suitcase again. Also, they’re covered in dust and nastiness. Employ teenage sons to give them a thorough cleaning. Argue with Jed about how many suitcases you will actually require for a family of 9 to spend 7 weeks away from home. Jed argues you can get by with just a couple of carry-ons- or maybe just a backpack for each? You argue that you would like to be able to change your clothes more than once during the 7 weeks and ask for checked bags. Jed considers…you drop it for the time being. (But you know you’ll win…hehe)
• Check travel requirements and the lockdown situation in the states you are headed to, again. Double check that Bmo will still be able to enter the country (assuming he’ll wear a mask long enough to be allowed on the plane…)

3 Days Till Go-Time

• You have your team over for the day to work and plan for your absence. You drink a lot of coffee and make another batch of homemade egg nog…because this day is a wash anyway. Nothing is getting done. The day might as well be tasty if it’s not going to be productive.

2 Days Till Go-Time

• You venture, tentatively, into the pits of despair, aka dumpsters, that are your children’s bedrooms and sift through empty chip bags and wet towels and Seth “science experiments” to search for dirty clothes. I mean, if you’re going to fight with Jed over checked bags, you might need actual clothes to fill them. You then come to your senses and remember that your children are capable human beings and they, are in fact, the ones who should be sniffing through the piles of clothes on their floors. You come up out of the fog of teenage boy smells and instruct your children to do their laundry, if they intend on spending their time in the US clothed.
• After much debate, you convince your 10 year-old son that it really is better to clean up the “science experiments” before travel. Yes, it could be fun to see what grows in them over the next 7 weeks, but it would be less fun to come home to a room full of mold. You assist him in cleaning his room. You want to poke your eyes out.
• The house sitters come over for instructions. You share all the idiosyncrasies of your home and about how to care for your approx. 527 animals. When you get to the part about which drawers in the kitchen are prone to mice and which aren’t, you see their eyes grow wide and wonder if you should just stay home after all. On Instruction #182 their eyes kind of glaze over and you all just agree to text each other if questions come up. You never realized your house had so many idiosyncrasies!
• You do laundry non-stop while the toddler destroys the house.

1 Day Till Go-Time

• I guess it’s time to pack. You really do try to fit it all in the agreed amount of luggage, but there’s just so.many.people. The teenage boys fetch a couple more suitcases out of storage and Jed dies a little on the inside.
• Run to the kids’ school to sign them out for the next couple of months. Oops. You actually should have done that last week. Better late than never!
• More laundry, because it never ends.
• You remember your children still need to eat today, but you didn’t really plan for that. Hmmm…haphazardly feed your children whatever is left in the kitchen: pickles, cheese, oatmeal, eggs? Never mind. You’re on your own, kids. Mom’s up to her eyeballs in laundry. Candy for lunch? Whatevs. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.
• Clean and pack and wash and launder and pick-up and clean and pack and wash till the wee hours of the morning. At some point Jed runs to the store (again) for snacks for the plane. You heard they won’t feed you much on the plane these days, but teenagers and Bmos are hungry all the time, so you better stock up.
• Pack the passports and check them 20 times to make sure you have 9 of them. Obsessively check travel sites to make sure Bmo will still be able to enter the US. Read up on airport rules and pray everyone wakes up healthy and ready to mask up.
• Pack the suitcases in the van in the dark of night. Jed remarks more than a few times on the amount of luggage. You remind him that this isn’t a backpacking trip, and yes, you really do need more than one pair of shoes for a 7 week trip. You call truce and drink some egg nog.

Go-Time

• Wake the troops in the middle of the night and check the passports 15 more times before groggily heading out the door.
• Pat yourselves on the back for successfully exiting your life for the foreseeable future. You’re sure you forgot something, but you’re headed to the US! Anything can be replaced. -Except passports. You better check them just a couple more times…

See you on the other side! We’ll let you know how the Bmo-in-a-mask-for-20-hours goes down. If anything, it’ll make for good writing material. 🙂

We made this video back in 2014 to introduce people to our friend. Now we are his legal guardians and he lives with us! Watching this video brings tears to my eyes. Boris has come so far.

Today marks ONE WHOLE YEAR since our beloved Boris was taken out of Romaniv and joined our family. ONE YEAR! It feels like it has flown by, but it also feels like he’s been with us for a lot longer.

Learning to love and care for Boris has been the most character-defining time in my life. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it till the cows come home: caring for the weak and broken is a fabulous way to expose your own weaknesses and areas of brokenness. I thought I was a pretty okay person until B-Mo joined us. He has taught me the extreme selfishness in my heart and the extreme impatience as well. I will be forever grateful to him for this. Not that those battles have been won, but at least now I can see that the battles are there and the areas where I am exposed.

We had no idea what to expect when we took Boris home last December 18th. I remember that he knew the day was special. As soon as I entered the Isolation hall to get him dressed he grabbed my hand and scooted toward the door like “Let’s get outta here!” Now that I know him and I know how smart he is, of course he knew the day was special! I’m sure he heard nannies and others talking about it for weeks in advance. Sweet boy. Boris is no dummy.

Waiting for Jed to sign documents Freedom!

I remember how when we pulled up to the driveway he was afraid to get out of the van. Jed eventually had to pick him up and carry him into the house. I remember how after he ate he tried to grab all the food he could off the counter. I remember how we had to feed him and how he was so impatient because he was used to food being shoved down his throat at such an amazing speed, he didn’t know how to eat slowly.

I remember how in those first days he was quiet and only interested in sitting on the couch alone.

I remember the first several months when Evie was born and Boris’ honeymoon period was over and how we (mostly I) cried every day. “How are we going to do this? Why did we do this? I can’t live like this forever…” I’m going to be painfully honest here. There were many days last spring when I had major feelings of regret. Not regret like “Let’s take him back to Romaniv”, but regret like “I regret that I chose to do this with my life.” Seriously. In those days, Boris had his good moments, but they were few and far between. He was mostly just unhappy and disregulated and demanding. Nothing was good enough. Nothing made him happy (except for riding in the car”. His self-harming was at an all time high and the only saving grace was bedtime, because thank God, Boris has always stayed in his bed at night. Every day I woke with dread. It was a dark time.

And now? Now those moments seem like ancient history. Now? Now I love my Boris/B-Mo/Beemchick/Borya/Borka/Beemo-my-Weemo like I never thought possible. I adore him. He blesses my heart and he is a gift to our family. With his small, broken body he is teaching us thankfulness and contentment and perseverance. But don’t be deceived, he isn’t perfect! He still loves to punch himself in the head whenever he gets the chance. He loves to throw fits at the dinner table and will throw his bowl and cup on the floor any chance he gets. He will pee his pants if he’s mad and all that jazz, but guess what? I’m not anything close to perfect either. I’m impatient and short and so so selfish. The difference is now, now we know each other. Boris is known. He is known and he knows us. We get each other and we know what to expect from each other. He has become a part of us- an irreplaceable member of our family, adored by all. After a lifetime of being treated like an animal, Boris is becoming human.

In Romaniv Boris was basically silent. Now I can say with confidence that Boris is THE LOUDEST member of our family. Oh.my.word. He has a lot to say and and is determined every day to make up for his 26 years of silence. He doesn’t say words, but we all understand his “B-Mo talk” just fine. We know what sounds are happy sounds, impatient sounds, wanting sounds, angry sounds, scared sounds. We know his favorite music and foods, and he has definite preferences in people. We know him, and being known is part of what has helped Boris in becoming human over this past year.

I am so thank that God has given us the gift of our Borya. I get teary just thinking of all the years we missed, but I’m so thankful for all the years to come. He is our sunshine blessing and our whole family is changed by him. At some point along the journey we realized we would be devastated without him.

So today we will celebrate our little Beemchick with cookies and hugs. We will kiss him and tell him how much we love him. He might not understand the big deal, but we do. We can look back and see a life redeemed, and we are thankful.

We’ll love you forever, our precious Boris. ❤️