Your Questions Answered: The Boys’ Spiritual Lives

On the last Tuesday of every month, we have an all-team meeting here on the Homestead. In those meetings, we cover a variety of topics. Sometimes we talk about new policies or protocols for our work, maybe a new development in one of the boys or something to do with their health that everyone needs to know; we celebrate accomplishments and milestones, say goodbye to team members who are leaving, or welcome new members to our tribe. Sometimes we just eat together or pray together, or discuss one of our values of dignity, love, and hope. The monthly gatherings are an important time and our boys are always right there in the middle of them. Their presence makes each team meeting a lively and loud event. 😀 We always have to agree on one team member who will be in charge of keeping Yaroslav in line as he kind of resents when all the attention in the room is not directed at him. Sasha loves to sit in the middle of the group and sing loudly- especially when it’s a quiet, more serious moment. Anton usually paces the halls and Boris bounces unbelievably high on the cushions of the couch eagerly awaiting whatever treat he sees lying on the counter for afterwards. It’s a circus, Y’all.

Anywayssss, today at our meeting Jed asked Ruslan to pray to start us off. We were outside around the fire pit and Ruslan proceeded to thank God for each and every single person around the circle- by name. It was a sweet moment and it warmed my heart to remember just how many people know and love Ruslan. He was once alone and now has a whole crowd of people who know him well and treasure him and his life. All of our boys are surrounded by that love and I really believe that they feel it. We have watched them come alive in our love over the years they’ve lived with us. God has done so much healing of their hearts, minds, and bodies. Sure, there is much more healing needed, but look how far they’ve come! I believe that they know they are loved and I’m so glad for that. Man, how I dream of that for all of our friends still stuck in Romaniv. I wonder how they would blossom and change if they were surrounded by a big ol’ family of people dedicated to their well-being and growth? I bet they would become almost unrecognizable- like our boys. I hope I get to see that in my lifetime.

While Ruslan was praying I was reminded of a question that was asked quite a long time ago that I never answered (sorry Katie!!!!). Katie asked about the boys’ spiritual lives. She wondered if they pray, if they go to church with us, and what level of spiritual understanding they have. Great question! Some aspects are difficult for me to answer, just because most of our boys are not verbal, but I can tell you what I know and what I see.

All of us house parents attend the same church in town and all of the boys attend church with us regularly. It has been quite a journey with our church body here. Whew. It has been a long journey of acceptance and growth. We have miles to go, but I feel like we’re in a fairly decent place right now. Almost all of our team members also attend the church and many of our volunteers also attend, so there are always many people present at church on Sundays who know and love our boys. The boys have learned over the years when they can “sing” and when they need to sit quietly. They mostly do really well at the whole Sunday service thing. Ruslan loves to sit in the very front row and sing his lungs out. He’s so loud! It’s amazing. Vova isn’t verbal, but he also “sings” a lot and quite loudly during the worship time. Yarik too! I love hearing their voices when everyone is singing together. I’m always struck by the miracle of having them there with us. It never ever gets old. The boys’ behavior during the preaching is hit or miss, but for the most part, they are fine. Everyone is used to them and their unique noises. The boys have grown a lot in their patience during the preaching time! Ruslan, Boris, and Yaroslav really, really seem to love going to church. For Yarik, it is definitely the highlight of his weekend and he starts to ask for it at least on Friday. He asks for it by holding his hand up to his mouth like a microphone and saying “Ah ya ya??” in a very specific tone. He loves it. Anton likes going to church because he knows he’ll get coffee afterward, Sasha doesn’t seem to care either way, and Vova is just happy to be anywhere with anyone. He is the happiest, smiliest ever. Remember when he used to bite everyone? Ha! Risperidone is a gift from God is all I have to say about that. But really, Vova does seem to enjoy the music at church quite a lot.

Every day, Monday through Friday, the boys have worship time together with the assistants at the duplex. That involves music either with a guitar or on YouTube. All our boys love music. Anton, specifically, is very sensitive to music. Sometimes a certain worship song will just hit him and you’ll see him sitting in his chair listening, with tears streaming down his face. It’s the sweetest thing. I think in those moments the Holy Spirit is just touching his heart and bringing healing. It’s beautiful.

We can’t know what the boys understand about God or what they know of him, but it does seem clear that they each have their own special relationship with him. Ruslan is the only one of our boys here who can speak in small sentences and really express his thoughts or feelings in a clear way. For sure our boys express many emotions all the time, but we have to interpret their meaning in the best way we know how. Ruslan is really the only one who can tell us sometimes what he is feeling or thinking about. Well, Yarik can do a bit of that too with gestures and minimal words, but to a lesser degree than Ruslan. With Anton, Vova, Sasha, and Boris we really have to look at body language, facial expressions, and behaviors to understand what might be happening inside their bodies and minds. But they all, except maybe Sasha, who is so much in his own world for so much of the time, seem to really respond to times of prayer, times of worship, and times of turning our attention to the things of God.

I’ve told this story before, but I think it’s relevant to share it again. When we first adopted Vlad (almost 9 years ago!) we took him to the US with us for several months to get him some medical care that he couldn’t get here. We took him to church with us and he enjoyed it, but we had no idea how much he understood about what was going on or about the things of God. He was fresh from the institution and wasn’t super verbal. He could talk in small, almost unintelligible sentences and acted like a little wild animal much of the time. Gosh, it’s amazing to think of how much he has changed!!! Anyway, the first time communion was served at church Vlad perked up because he was completely obsessed with food. Crackers? Juice? Yes, please! 😂 I didn’t want him to feel left out so I tried to explain as simply as I could what we were doing and what it meant. I told him “Vlad, we are drinking this juice and eating this cracker so we remember that Jesus died for us and that he loves us. Vlad, God loves you so much!” He quickly replied, with tears in his eyes (and Vlad NEVER cries), “I know. I know God loves me.”

I was blown away in that moment. How in the world did that child who had been abandoned at birth, then lived for 15 years in hell on earth; that child who had known neglect and abuse that most of us could never even fathom- how did he know that God loved him? How? It became clear to me that we have no idea how God reveals himself to our boys and others like them. Psalm 68:5-6 says “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing…” When we started going to Romaniv back in the day those verses confounded me. How was God being a father to those abandoned boys? How was he caring for them? I just didn’t see it and was super confused about how to think about that promise of God. But then in that moment with Vlad, I realized that God was meeting with Vlad before we ever met him. God was fathering him in unseen ways and revealing himself to Vlad over the years. God was comforting him and defending his heart when he was abandoned by the world. It’s the only way Vlad could have known that God loved him. There’s just no other explanation. Several months ago Vlad got baptized at the church in the US he attends with my parents and we were able to watch it on the live stream. Vlad wanted to get baptized and the pastor spoke with him about it ahead of time to make sure he understood what it meant. When we watched the video it was obvious that Vlad met with God when he was baptized. He actually “whooped “with joy when he came up out of the water!

Our other boys seem to know God in a special way, like Vlad does. I see it in them and I’m thankful for it. We often tell them about God’s love for them. We pray for them and with them. They minister to us as we minister to them. The body of Christ is alive and well here on the Homestead. Praise God for that. ❤️