On January 8th, in the dawn of the New Year, I wrote a post about my theme for 2014: “Let Go”.  At that time it was something the Lord was softly whispering to me, and as I thought about it more I realized that it was something that really needed to begin to happen in my life.  I began to realize how much of my life I hold on to every day, and because of that, how much less I am holding on to Jesus.

I sit here now, chuckling to myself about what God really had in store for me in the “Letting Go” realm.  Chuckling as in, if I don’t laugh I’ll cry, sorta chuckle.  Annnnnd it’s only March.  Ha!

Much of the letting go in that post was concerning the need for me to let go as a mother.

“Before they were our babies, they were His. My kids belong to God. Forget what our culture says is required for a happy childhood. What does God say my kids need? What does God say is important for a child? Those are things to focus on and invest in. If my kids have all the happiness in the world, but their hearts are far from the Lord, what have they gained?”

Little did I know when I wrote that post, that a month later Addy and Ezra would be attending our local Ukrainian school.  Never in a million years would I have predicted it.  Before we moved and people asked about what we would do for school I answered them that we weren’t sure, but definitely they wouldn’t be in a local public school.  Oy.  Yeah, what do I know??

Addy and Ez have been in school for a month now.  That act of “letting go” has been one of the hardest undertakings in my life.  I know they don’t understand much of what is said during the day at school.  I know at times they are nervous.  Making friends has been difficult because they can’t speak more than a couple of words to the other kids.  I so want them to be happy.  I don’t want them to be lonely. They say they like school, but I wonder, deep down, are their little hearts okay?

Let go.  We are being obedient to the Lord.  Their happiness is not reliant on me.  God will give them all that they need.  He created them KNOWING this would be their life.  Addy and Ezra, Havalah, and Seth were each called to Ukraine, just as Jed and I were.  So what if the American culture says they need lots and lots of friends and activities to be happy?  They have each other as friends.  They have a Mommy and Daddy that love them.

Let go.

Little did I know when I wrote that post about letting go, that 2 months later Ukraine would be at the brink of full-on war.  With Russian troops moving further and further inland, no one knows what will happen next.

What does it mean to truly LET GO when face to face with war?

I have no idea, but I’m learning every day.  We never could have anticipated that God would call us to this.  But, He did.  He knew full well what was going to happen in Ukraine a week after we arrived.  He told us to come, to love on His children who have been hidden away for far too long.  We came without a Plan B.  Ukraine is our home now.  Ukraine is God’s plan for our family.

What does it mean to lay it all down for the sake of Jesus?  What does it mean to be ALL IN, and to really mean it?  What does it mean to say YES, without conditions?  It means the same thing now as it meant to us when we came here.  Only now we better make sure we really believe it.  Is our Yes truly without conditions? We are here in Ukraine until God tells us not to be here anymore.

Because of the political situation here, many people have been asking us when we will come home.  Many have asked us if we have a red line, like “If such and such happens, then we will leave.”  We have no line.  All we have is the voice of the Lord, just as we did when we flew out of Portland on November 12th.  We are watching the news; we are not seeking out danger, but whoever said God will always steer us clear of danger?

Let go.

I know we have our children to think of, and believe me, there is no one that wants our kids to be safe more than Jed and I do.  But more than parents who try to keep them safe, what our kids truly need is parents who will listen to the voice of the Lord and follow Him no matter what- letting go of all else, and clinging with all they’ve got to the hand of Jesus.

Our friends here in Ukraine have no exit plan.  Our boys at Romaniv have no exit plan.  What of the countless others who lay in their cribs day after day, completely unaware of their homeland’s turmoil?  They have no choice, no option of leaving their crib, let alone their country.  

So here we stand and here we stay.  We continually ask the Lord for wisdom.  At the same time, we continually ask Him to help us let go of ourselves, in order that we might hold more tightly to Him.

Please listen to my heart.  It’s not that we are trying to call ourselves some sort of hero or attempting to be foolishly brave.  The Ukrainian people are the ones who are brave.  The heroes are the Ukrainians who live for Jesus despite the injustice that has surrounded them all their lives. We are simply reminded that a life of obedience does not always equal a life of physical safety.  The Ukrainian people need the hope of Jesus more than ever right now.  With a new government being formed, there is new hope for the children we have come to serve.  We believe with all of our hearts that we are here in Ukraine for such a time as this.  If you’ve followed our story at all you know that we didn’t arrive here by accident.  🙂  God made the way and He has a purpose in it.

When we very first started on this journey, way back in 2010, God gave us some verses.  They have been my comfort more times than I can count.  It had been quite a while since I looked them up, and today I wept as I read them again.  Just knowing that God knew all about this way back then is such a comfort.  He does see.  He does know.

“Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.

For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities…

‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord who has compassion on you…

All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace,  In righteousness you will be established: tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear.”

Isaiah 54:2, 3, 10, 13-14

Let go with me, will you?  He promises to be more than enough.  I intend to trust that.

How to begin?  My heart is full to bursting with emotion, yet I feel almost embarrassed to write.  We are Ukrainian babies.  We’ve only lived here for a little over 3 months.  We only just started falling in love with Ukraine and her people in 2010.  What do we know of Ukraine?

There are missionaries who have lived here for decades.  They’ve given years and years of their lives to the Ukrainian people.  They’ve loved Ukraine for almost as long as I’ve been alive.  What do we know of Ukraine compared to them?  Not much.

Then there are the Ukrainian people themselves.  So many lived through the fall of the Soviet Union, were present when Ukraine found it’s independence, had their hopes built by the Orange Revolution, then hopes dashed when things did not improve- but only got worse.

They know what it is to expect corruption.  They know what it is to live without hope of change.  They know what it is to be stolen from and oppressed over and over and over.  What do we know of Ukraine?  Nothing.

We know practically nothing of Ukraine compared to these, yet our hearts yearn to know.  God has planted us here and He has given us an overwhelming love for these people.  I know I will never understand like those others, so I can only share what I do know, with a humbled heart.  I simply have to write it down because I never want to forget these days.

Yesterday we took a walk with the kids to the site of the fallen Lenin statue here in Zhitomir.  We attempted to explain to the kids why these days are significant.  As we walked we talked of history books yet to be written and revolution and lost lives.  We talked about what it means that the people of Maidan were willing to give their lives for freedom.  We talked about those who gave the ultimate sacrifice.  We have several friends who spent significant time at Maidan in the past few months.  It could have been any one of them.

When we reached the statue our hearts swelled and our eyes filled with tears.  Photos of some of the fallen were on the front of the monument.  Candles and flowers were at the base.  Where Lenin stood for so long was a lone Ukrainian flag.  People were constantly streaming to the site.  Some took pictures, some talked with each other, some simply looked and were quiet.

What struck Jed and me the most was that the crowd was almost solely made up of the elderly.  Old men hobbled up with canes and snapped pictures.  Babushkas looked at the photos on the monument, lips moving silently.   Oh, what I would have paid to know what they were thinking.  These people who have endured such hardship and pain, what do they think of this time in history?  Do they hold hope for their beloved Ukraine, as we do?  What can they tell us of life and suffering, hope and fear?  Oh, what I would pay.

Today the president was impeached and fled from Kyiv.  Today Ukraine began to build her new future.  This is the stuff of the History Channel, yet we are here, living it alongside our neighbors and friends.  We are here trying our best to understand and support.  And we have to wonder, why did God place us here for this time in history?  He knew when we boarded the plane in Oregon that a revolution would begin a week after our arrival.

Perhaps He placed us for this time so we would understand just a bit more what it means to be a Ukrainian.  Perhaps it was so we would know better how to pray, and others who may not have noticed before would be prompted to pray as well.  Perhaps there are people here that we are specifically here to encourage at this time.  God only knows.  I will just say that I am 100% thankful for it.  There is nowhere else we would rather be at this time.  Our hearts are simply exploding with love for our new countrymen.

We pray that as Ukraine builds its new future that men’s hearts will be turned toward the Lord.  May the sacrifice at Maidan never be in vain.  As the thousands stood, and even now stand for justice, may they not forget their most vulnerable who desperately need justice as well.  May government leaders’ hearts be softened for the fatherless.  May their eyes be opened to the value of every single life in this country.

Ezra said it best: “I know, Mom!  Let’s pray that the new president will love orphans!”

Amen.  So be it.

There is a long road ahead in building a new Ukraine.  Much wisdom and courage will be needed.  May God bless Ukraine and may His Spirit flood this land like never before.  May many, many hearts and eyes turn to Him as the real Hope for this country.  May Ukrainians live lives wide awake to the Father and His never-ending love for them.

Big news folks.  My sweet Addy and Ezra are starting school on Monday.  Hold me.

How did this come about?  Wanna know?  Okay, I’ll tell you.  🙂

During Christmas time my friend Tanya told me about a gymnastics class at our neighborhood public school.  The daughter of one of her family members attends the class and she knew we were on the lookout for some sort of activity for our kids where they could hear language and interact with other kids, so she asked if we were interested.  Sure! Natasha, the mom of the girl attending, asked the coach if some crazy Americans could try out her class and she said yes!  So we did.

Oh the hilarity that ensued.  Seriously, to be a fly on the wall.  It is VERY entertaining.  I think Tanya and I laughed nonstop during the first class.  Picture a very old gym with bare walls, barred windows, and dirty mats.  Picture flexible Ukrainian kids flipping and cartwheeling and doing the splits and the bridge like they were birthed onto a balance beam.  Then picture the Johnson children (minus Seth) entering with all their clumsiness and lack of coordination (I’ll take all the genetic responsibility for that); not understanding a lick of the language, not able to cartwheel, but doing their very darndest to follow along.  Then picture the coach calling out orders in loud Russian.  It’s like a three-ring circus I tell ya.

Believe it or not, the kids LOVED gymnastics class and continued to attend all during the school’s Christmas break.  Technically the class is only for the students of that particular school and is free for them.  But, the coach likes our kids (she is so kind) and said she would ask the Director of the school if he would allow them to continue in gymnastics once school was back in session.  She even said Hava could stay in class, even though she’s technically too young.  🙂

We were in Switzerland getting our visas when Tanya emailed to let us know that the director had agreed to the kids continuing gymnastics!  Woohoo!  He had also asked why they don’t attend school.   Everyone had been telling us that the schools wouldn’t accept our kids because they don’t speak but a few words of Ukrainian and Russian.  As far as we know, our kids are the only foreigners around, so the schools are not at all set up to work with non-native speakers.  The director said that was no problem and that he wanted to talk with Jed and me when we got home from Switzerland.

A couple days after we got home from the visa trip we went to the director’s office for a chat.  He doesn’t speak any English, so the school English teacher translated.  He asked us the ages of the kids and where we live.  He asked if we plan to be in Ukraine for a long time or just short term and if the kids are vaccinated.  Then he got on the phone and talked about the situation to a higher-up at the Ministry of Education.  At the end of the meeting, he told us the kids are welcome to attend his school if we want!

We are a homeschooling family to the core.  We love homeschooling.  Addy went to kindergarten at a Christian school in Oregon where my mom teaches, and Ez went to one year of preschool there, but otherwise, they’ve only been taught at home.  Homeschooling has just become a way of life for us and we have never thought we would do anything different.  If you’re curious why we homeschool I can talk about that in another post.  I LOVE to talk all things homeschool, so don’t be shy!   All that said, things got a bit tricky once we got to Ukraine.  Our kids’ brains are wired for language learning right now.  Everyone says “Your kids will learn the language so fast!  You won’t believe it!”  That’s probably true, but how can it happen if they are home all day?  They certainly aren’t going to learn it quickly from me!  Ha!  We put them in gymnastics, and they attend Awanas, and Sunday School, all in Russian and Ukrainian.  They have picked up quite a bit, but it’s slow.  They need to be immersed in the language while their brains are in this forming stage.  I wish I had that opportunity! We don’t really know of an option for a tutor who can teach them as many hours as they need here at home, so we were at a bit of a loss.  We were asking the Lord what to do to help our kids with the language.  We considered checking out the two local, Ukrainian Christian schools in town, thinking maybe they would have the ability to be more flexible with us, but they are both pretty far from our house.  Then this school fell into our laps.

On Thursday Jed and I went back to the school to check out the classroom they would be in and meet the teacher.  We asked the Lord to guide us and give us peace if this was the way to go.  What can I say?  It was great.  We decided to give it a go.  The school is about a 5-minute walk from our house.  Addy and Ez get to be in the same class, and school only goes from 8:30-noon.  Totally doable!  The director wants to put them in first grade because they need to learn to read and write in Ukrainian, and those students are still learning those skills. Most of the students in the class will be 7, so Addy and Ez will be older than them, but we aren’t worried about that.  The main goal here is language acquisition,  and having them with kids younger than themselves will probably help take away some of the social pressures that would distract them from learning.  Plus, first graders get to do more fun stuff 🙂

The thought right now is that they will attend school from 8:30-noon, and then come home to continue plugging along in their normal homeschool work.  We’ll only focus on the basics when they get home, like English and math, since I know their brains will probably be a bit fried when they get home from school.  Their school is taught in Ukrainian and their teacher speaks no English.  This school also specializes in Polish, so they’ll be studying Polish three times a week.  Oh my…this should be an adventure!

Our Teacher

This is the plan that seems most peaceful right now.  We’ll finish out this school year and then re-evaluate for the fall.  I most definitely don’t want to abandon homeschooling, since the reasons why we school at home haven’t changed.  I guess we’ll take it a year at a time and see what God says.

So, Monday is the big day!  School books have been purchased and the kids are excited to go.  I’m excited for them…but also quite nervous for them.  I’m so extremely thankful they get to be in the same class.  Praise God for His kindness.  He opened this door when we weren’t even looking and totally paved the way.  We are praying that this leads to divine relationships and open doors in our neighborhood.  We are excited to see how God plans to use this for His glory.

If you would pray for us on Monday morning (Sunday night in the US) we would appreciate it so much!!!  I’ll let you know how it goes!

Our new home is in crisis.

I hope very much that you’ve been following the news concerning the revolution in Ukraine.  If you haven’t seen anything, Google it now and learn.  The situation here is extremely serious.  We haven’t been talking much about it on social media simply because we are trying to use wisdom and just ask the Lord how He would have us respond online.  Our hearts are with our Ukrainian brothers and sisters and they know that.  We stand with them and we tell them that daily.  It’s just so difficult to know what to say “online”.  How can we share what is happening with wisdom, while upholding the dignity of the people?  We’ve never been in a situation remotely like this and are just trying to navigate it properly, and with grace.

Tonight we could be silent no more.  You simply must know the beauty of the people of Ukraine.  You simply must know that they stand now for their children and their children’s children.  They stand for a future. They stand for freedom.  Men and woman stand right now, in Kiev, in the snow, in 3 degree (F) weather because they love their country and they see that there is no future for them and their children if they do not stand until the end.  For centuries they have been beaten down- over and over- and now they have had enough.  Change must come.  We Americans have NO IDEA what it means to live in a country where laws can mean nothing.  We have no idea what it means to live in a country where your rights can easily be stripped from you, without warning, and even if you want to flee, you have no option but to stay.  We have no idea what it means to live under generations of oppression.  We have no idea.

I am in awe.  I am in love.  I have never loved the Ukrainian people more than I do today.  (And that’s saying a lot!) 🙂  They are so courageous.  If I were in the same situation in the US would I stand as they do?  I hope I would.

So now we pray.  We love the people around us and we pray; all the while knowing that God has placed us here at this moment for a reason.  When we boarded the plane in Portland, Oregon on November 12th He knew that this day would come.  He was not unaware then, and He is not unaware now.  God said to come serve the Ukrainian people, and here we stand until we hear otherwise.

Photos by Andrey Kolodich ©

Tonight we worshiped and prayed as a family before bed.  We have explained to our kids some of what is happening here and five-year old Havalah explained it best:

“I’m two kinds of sad.  I’m joy sad because this is a peaceful moment, but I’m cry sad because I don’t want anymore Ukrainians to die.”

The Ukrainians who stand in Kiev tonight, and in squares all over the country, stand for justice and hope for a better future.  Tomorrow I’ll go to Romaniv to love on our boys- boys who have only known a life of injustice.  I pray that justice will prevail in Ukraine in hopes that ALL people in Ukraine may have the hope of a better future.  Whether they know it or not, the protestors on Maidan are standing for our boys.  They stand for all the forgotten ones who can not stand for themselves.  And so, in the small ways we are able we will stand for them too.

Will you join us?  Stand up in prayer for those who are risking their lives for their country. Stand up in prayer for those who can not stand for themselves.  Lift your voice and break the silence.  Tell whoever will listen about our beloved Ukraine and her beautiful people.  These are our people, the people of our hearts.  May their sacrifice never be in vain.

“But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before Him.

He performs miracles that cannot be counted…

The lowly he sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety…

He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth; he saves them from the clutches of the powerful.

So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.”

Job 5:8-9,11,15-16

Photos by Andrey Kolodich ©