Well, I’ll start out by apologizing for the radio silence. You haven’t heard from us recently, but for good reason, because we’ve just been so busy doing everything! A couple weeks ago dear friends from the US arrived to spend time with us and the team and last week our team put on a camp at Romaniv for our boys there. It was, as the title implied, my most favorite camp EVER. What can I say? It was perfection. The week was peaceful, deeply joyful, memorable, and just good. So so good.

It had been several years since we’d put on a day camp at the institution. I might be wrong, but I feel like the last time was in 2017…the summer before we took any of our boys out. That was a long time ago!! I’m thankful that God turned our focus back to our boys there because this camp was really needed- by them, and by us. Any time we can spend extended periods of time with our friends at Romaniv is good for them and for us. We learn more about the boys and they grow in their trust of us. Our love for them enlarges and deepens, and they have a whole week filled with love, hours of complete safety, one-on-one attention, and all the doting we can muster. It’s a win-win on many levels.

The theme of the camp was “The Five Senses” and our interns set up stations around the institution where our boys could go and experience the different senses. Each boy had his own volunteer and the goal was not that each boy would visit each station every day, but that the volunteer would pay attention to what the boy was interested in and be led by his interests. If a boy just wanted to stay all day at the music station and relax there, maybe even fall asleep, so be it! It was a very loose program where the individuality of each boy could be noticed and celebrated. I loved and appreciated that. We also had two volunteers who did a program each day for the nannies. They had tons of fun with them and I hope the nannies really felt special and seen.

Each day we had 25-28 people heading out to camp to bring our boys joy. Several new volunteers joined us and experienced life at Romaniv for the first time. They all did great! The vast majority of our volunteers were teens and it was just an absolute joy to see them delight in the boys. They could have been doing anything with their free summer days, but they chose to give a week to our precious friends and that was a real encouragement and injection of hope into our team. My mama heart was bursting as I watched our son Ezra lead the camp with the other interns, and our daughter, Havalah volunteer each day. New volunteers were partnered with Hava so they could learn the ropes of Romaniv and how to communicate with the boys. I so enjoyed watching her be an awesome example of love that others could follow. Our little Evie spent the week with us at Romaniv too and it was her first time to be there since she was a baby. She’d been begging us to go “to the boys” for at least a year, but I wasn’t sure she was ready. She’s super comfortable with our boys here and our friends with disabilities from the city, but our boys are her family. She’s never known life without them! All their noises, their unique movements, and quirks are normal to her. Romaniv is muuuuuuuuch different. But, we decided to give it a go. When we first arrived she was scared and started crying, but after a few minutes of reminding her that they were just like our boys at home and that she just needed to get to know them, all was great and she loved it. The boys were fascinated to see a little girl and she became quite a popular figure around camp. I don’t think she minded that one bit. 😉

On each day of camp, a few of the boys with their volunteers would go in the van to town for ice cream and a walk in the park. The boys behave so differently when they are out in town! It’s really fun to see who is curious, who is quiet, who gets excited…and we are very thankful to the Director of the institution for allowing us such freedom with the boys. He is a fairly new director, but we have known him for many years. He is supportive of our work and really gives us free rein to try new things. We had many years when that was not the case at Romaniv, so we will never take his trust for granted. What a gift!

The last day of camp was extra, extra special because we brought two of our horses! Now talk about a new sensory experience; that was the ultimate. Dajana and I loaded them up bright and early and staked out a place for them in a field near the institution. Then the team would bring us a few boys at a time and the boys would “meet” the horses at whatever level they were at. For some boys, just leaving the territory of the institution and being in a new place was enough sensory input to last the day, while some wanted to pet the horses, and some even rode! Our horse, Mishka, was an absolute rock star. She was so patient and could not have behaved better. Melody, her 11-month-old foal, just came along for the ride, so Mishka wouldn’t be alone. But she also behaved nicely and is shaping up to follow in her superstar mom’s footsteps. That was only the second time we’d taken any of the horses in the trailer and the first time we’d taken them soooo far, but they did amazing and it was a total success! We hope to do it again before the summer ends.

All in all, we considered this camp a huge success. Thank you to all of you who prayed for our time there. It was just wonderful, for the boys and for us. They ingrained themselves a little deeper into each of our hearts. They reminded us again why we are doing this work and inspired us to keep moving forward, to not grow weary, to not grow complacent, but to keep saying yes, pushing, and fighting till each and every one of them is free.

From Jed:

“You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.”

Whenever Kim does something silly I like to remind her of her roots.

It’s all light-hearted but the adage makes me think of what it means to work toward the deinstitutionalization of people with disabilities in Ukraine… or anywhere for that matter.

Our dream is to help our friends find the love of a family and the support of their community as they work toward becoming fully human.

We have worked for many years, creating a beautiful space for them to flourish. They now have gardens, classes, coffee with friends, house parents, therapy, church community, fun time, work time, horses, yoga, their own bedrooms, holidays, birthdays, and countless other experiences. What full lives our dear friends now live, together with us in community.

As idyllic as this all sounds, to make this dream a reality we have a team of assistants, house parents, office staff, builders, teachers, cleaners, volunteers, managers, accountants… The organization of all this requires HR manuals, team meetings, performance evaluations, process improvement plans, goal setting, shift scheduling, training, retraining… you get the idea.

The most effective way to manage all of these details is to make institutional decisions so everyone is on the same page, they know what is expected of them, and they can perform their job functions effectively, timely, and measurably. Ok, this is sounding a bit too institutional for an organization focused on deinstitutionalization.

So, how do we keep from falling into the trap of systematizing the lives of our friends with disabilities, because it is more stable, easier to manage, and makes life all-around predictable? How do we not just create mini-institutions?

The truth: sometimes we do start making our friends’ lives more institutional. We catch ourselves bringing our hands to work, but leaving our hearts at home.

Boris is constantly teaching me to slow down and be present with him. Yes, he wants his needs met. But he also wants relationship and I can get so busy solving problems that I forget Boris is a person, longing for relationship, reaching out with whatever communication tools he has, “Know me, help me… give me a #$%^ cookie!”

When I treat Boris like a problem to be solved, my decisions and my relationship with him become institutional. I’ve done all this work to get him out of an institution and then I re-institutionalize him with my heart.

I use an analogy with my team that I learned from a dear friend years ago. He would talk about sending our stunt double to work, so we wouldn’t have to bring our real selves in that day. The stunt double takes all the hits, and never gets hurt, so we can keep on acting like everything is ok.

But with our kind of work, we don’t have the luxury of sending in the stunt double. This a work of the heart, from the heart, and each moment with our friends must be processed through our hearts. Now, we use a lot of thinking and strategizing, but that is only so we can be full-hearted and completely available when we are with our friends.

Another way we work towards keeping our organization leaning forward, open, and leading with the heart is to analyze what we are doing, with our vision in mind. “Why are we here?” When we build our job descriptions and work policies, we try to have a “skeleton of rules” that supports the body (our vision). No extra bones (rules) in the skeleton.

This year we are working on a community covenant that will represent the heart of what we are trying to accomplish and the ways we all agree to work together to further our vision of deinstitutionalization.

For analyzing our work, we use a team-wide process called Appreciative Inquiry. I’ve used this approach for more than 15 years now in my professional work. Instead of going with the old classic, problem-solving model, we sit back and ask ourselves, “What is working well here?” “How do we do more of what we do well and spend less time on the areas where we struggle?” “How do we apply the ways we do things well to all areas of our work?”

I like this approach because it uses everyone’s experience and perspective as we look ahead. Our work is cross-cultural and ultimately effective if our local staff is leading the analysis, development, and implementation processes.

Another way we seek to avoid recreating mini-institutions is by remaining small. Small is beautiful. There are more than 100,000 people with disabilities institutionalized throughout Ukraine. It would be foolish to think we can solve this enormous social issue.

But, we can be a sign of hope, a candle in the darkness, a piece of the puzzle as Ukrainians change the future reality for people with disabilities in their country. By remaining small we can stay close to the heart of what we are trying to accomplish- the deinstitutionalization of people with disabilities. Not just removing them from a physical institution, but fighting to keep our hearts at the forefront of this work, remaining open to the cry of each of our boys to know and be known, to love and be loved.

Over the next three years, we plan to take four more people into our care and complete the final building on the homestead. After that, all our growth will be through partnerships and supporting the replication of this model of deinstitutionalization and family-centered care.

By remaining small, we can put our energy into helping other organizations and people to deinstitutionalize in their communities.

We strive to keep a simple approach that has the support of essential rules needed to function, with our focus on the heart of each person. We are creating a place where our values are not just applied to the work with our boys, but also to our coworkers and community members. Everyone is worthy of Dignity, Love, and Hope.

Staying close to this vision and not getting too big for a britches is how we plan to not only take more of our friends out of institutions but also to keep from re-institutionalizing them with our model of care.

Now, while I can’t get Kim to stop making tater-tot casseroles and listening to Joe Diffie, we haven’t been driving by that double-wide for sale down the road for a few weeks… so there’s hope. (I’m joking!)

Tomorrow, unbelievably, marks one year since Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine. It feels like only yesterday, but also feels like a lifetime has passed since we lived in a land of peace. There has been war in Ukraine since 2014 when Russia invaded the Eastern borders and stole Crimea, but our town remained at peace. We didn’t feel the war in our everyday life. Here on our little Homestead we lived in peace, without fear. Oh, what beautiful, peaceful lives we led. We took so much for granted and didn’t even realize it. Now we are forever changed. This year showed us a lot about ourselves, about our work, about our team and our boys, and about our world. We will never be the same.

Our newsletter should go out tomorrow and I know the anniversary of the war deserves attention, but I just know tomorrow I won’t be in a mindset to deeply reflect. It’s just too painful. I figured I’d get as many of the tears out today as possible. So bear with me as I rip off the barely healing scab on my heart and reflect on this past year.

I sometimes wonder what I did last year on February 23rd, the last day of peace. How did I fill my time? What was on my mind? What plans did I have for the next few days, the next few months? I can’t even remember. When we woke up on February 24th to bombs dropping and our house shaking our old life and plans flew out the window. We had entered a new reality where only the war existed and the rest of the world was as far away as Jupiter. Anytime I think about those first few weeks of war my stomach hurts and tears flow. All the feelings come rushing back: shock, fear, outrage, confusion…How do we live in a time of war? How do we parent our children through this? How do we lead our team through this? How do we keep our children and our boys safe? What is the right thing to do? Do we stay or do we go? If we go we will be physically safe, but how can we leave the men on our team and our boys at Romaniv? If we stay we could die. What if our children die because we stayed- when we could have left? The internal dialogue and conflict were unrelenting. There is no guidebook to living through a war. You just live, one day at a time.

Then there is the time we spent as refugees in Germany. That was a whole lifetime in itself that contains its own pain. To be honest, I still can’t really talk with you about that time. For me, personally, it was the most agonizing, most difficult time of my life. I have no idea which Kim the people in Germany saw…but it wasn’t me. I was not myself and the whole time is like a blur. I know someday I’ll be able to share with you more about that time, but I honestly am just not ready. I’m thankful our bodies were safe and I’m thankful for the people that helped us. I truly am. I have a handful of really beautiful moments there that I will carry with me always. But in general, it was just super rough, for me personally. I know it’s visible in the Youtube videos from that time. I don’t plan to ever go back and watch those. I’m aware I look like death. 😂 Care for the refugee, Friends. They are carrying such deep pain.

Since we returned home to Ukraine in July we have all learned to live in the new normal. We have adapted to life in a country at war and I’m consistently amazed at the resilience of the human spirit. We really are amazingly adaptable creatures. Sometimes I’m even a little concerned at how normal certain things have become that should never be normal for anyone. But, God has given us, our team, and our boys the grace to keep moving forward, despite the war raging around us. We are so thankful for his protection, his grace, and his love for us and this work that he has created.

I have heard people refer to this year as “The Year Russia stole from Ukraine” and boy, they have definitely stolen a lot. They’ve stolen thousands of innocent lives. The death toll isn’t even countable yet in places like Mariupol where Russian troops still hold the city. I’ve read estimates of at least 20,000 civilian deaths in that city alone. One source even estimates as many as 87,000 deaths in the city that a year ago today had a thriving population of over 425,000. We may never know how many lives were lost in that once beautiful city on the sea. The Russians have stolen the childhood of an entire generation. Ukrainian children have seen unimaginable horrors this past year. They spend sometimes hours a day in their schools’ bomb shelters and know waaaaaay too much about different weapons and their capabilities. They know true fear like I never knew as a child- or even as an adult! My heart hurts, thinking of the ways my children have had to grow up this past year. It shouldn’t be this way. Russia has stolen some of the best and brightest from Ukraine. Millions have fled the country and the longer they are away in Europe or the US the less likely it is that they will ever return. Some of the brightest of us have fled, the bravest of us have died, and the rest are left to pick up the pieces. It is a heartbreaking reality.

But- despite all that has been stolen and despite the circumstances that thwart at every turn, we absolutely refuse to let Russia steal our hope. We will not be led by fear. We will not back down. We will not hold back. God is our portion, our refuge, our strength, our hope. The dreams he put in our hearts he will see to fruition- he is even doing that now! Right now, as I am writing this post, Jed is in Romaniv at a committee meeting where they will grant him legal guardianship of Yaroslav and Vova. Today our boys will be ours forever. God is still moving, still making a way and as long as he goes, we will follow.

This year our faith has been tested and defined. Where do we find our hope? Who do we turn to when we are afraid? Do we believe God’s promises to us and our boys? Where does our strength come from? Is our joy reliant on our circumstances? I have failed a million times this past year. I have put my hope in people. I have not chosen joy when things looked bleak. I have relied on my own strength. I have doubted God and his faithfulness. But despite all that, he keeps pulling me back. He keeps showing his love and faithfulness to us, our team, and our boys. He provides all that we need at every turn. He is always there, waiting, loving us first. No matter what may come tomorrow, we will hope in him.

Thank you for loving us and for remembering Ukraine. Victory will come, I’m certain of it, but until that moment we will continue to put one foot in front of the other, saying YES to the next thing God asks of us. Thank you for joining us along the journey. It’s not over yet.

BeLOVE[d]

Dear Friends,
Thank you for all your love and care for us during this uncertain time. We are still in Ukraine, on the Homestead, and we are safe. There have been rumors that some kind of invasion could happen today, but so far all is well. Assistants are with the boys, I took the kids to school, and am now sitting down with coffee to write to you. It feels almost like a normal morning, except Jed is on the phone right now with Ruslan planning the route for picking up all of our families in the city, if there were to be an invasion. And the kids’ school wrote that they are stepping up emergency drills with the kids. Sooooo…almost normal? 🤷‍♀️

We are watching the news very carefully and have made plans for every scenario we can think of. What will we do if we lose cell service?  What will we do if we lose internet?  What will we do if public transportation stops running? What will we do if there are Russian troops actually in our city?  We have done our best to prepare, and now all we can do is live our lives and see what happens. 

✅ On Monday we bought :
50kg of buckwheat
10kg of sugar
50kg of rice
20L of oil
50kg of oats
60kg of carrots
120kg of potatoes
40kg of onions
60kg of beets
5kg of garlic
Salt
So we’re all set to feed our crew of 40ish, should we all need to hunker down here in the village.

✅ Yesterday we filled all the vehicles with diesel and have plenty of fuel on reserve that Ruslan has been buying over this past month.

✅ Yesterday we finally purchased 3 generators (one for each home) and tomorrow they will be installed.

✅ Today we will hopefully hear that Sasha’s passport is ready. It’s past the date when it should be ready, so we hope to hear good news today on that front. 

✅ All important documents for everyone are compiled and scanned onto thumb drives as well. 

We are as ready as we can be, and I have to tell you we feel at peace. We really don’t feel afraid. We know we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and we will stay here as long as God has us here. We aren’t being hyper-spiritual about it, but also, we are not going to panic. Moving our huge group is too much of an undertaking to do it just for rumors. We will wait and see if it is actually necessary to leave before we make any big moves. We are committed to being here. Ukraine is our home and we are committed to our Wide Awake Family. 

We wanted to thank everyone who has reached out recently and shown their love and support for us and our team. We feel absolutely loved and cared for by you. Many of you have asked how you can help and our main answer has been “pray and donate so we don’t have to worry about money, should an emergency arrive”. You have stepped up in amazing ways. In the past month our partner churches in the Pacific Northwest, plus many generous individuals have donated $20,000 specifically towards helping the Homestead become more energy independent. Thank you thank you thank you!!  We are blown away by your giving hearts. Having the generators in our possession brings us a lot of peace of mind. 

Grant is still coming and is scheduled to arrive next week. We have plans for how to get to him if the airport is inaccessible or if commercial flights are not allowed to fly in Ukrainian airspace. He told us “I’ll walk to you guys if I have to.” 😆 We are eagerly awaiting his arrival and are thankful for his commitment to this work. 

Please pray for Vasya. He is the husband of our team member, Nina. He is stationed on the front in Eastern Ukraine. He has been stationed there off and on since the war began in 2014. But of course, now it feels quite a bit more stressful for Nina to have him there. Pray for Vasya’s safety and for Nina’s heart to have peace. Thank you.

President Zelenskyy made a great speech on Monday and declared today, the possible day of attack, as the “Day of Unity”. Ukrainian flags will fly and everyone is encouraged to show their support of Ukrainian sovereignty. I encourage you to read his speech and dare you not to fall in love with Ukraine even more. 

We will let you know if our situation changes. Please continue to pray and reach out. Never apologize for writing to us and checking in! We are not annoyed, we are only thankful and we feel the love. BeLOVE[d]

❤️ 🇺🇦 ❤️

So, what exactly do we even do here in Ukraine?  Wide Awake International has a lot of moving parts and I don’t blame you if you have a bit of a hard time keeping them all straight 😆.  In this episode, I introduce our boys and our team, explain the full picture of what we are doing here in Ukraine, and describe the different focuses of our work here. It’s an info-heavy episode…you’ve been warned!

PS: My brother, the super-talented Matt Bittner, is our new sound designer for the podcast! The music is his and it’s perfect. 

Read about when we adopted Vlad

When we brought Boris home

Bringing home Ruslan and Anton

Bringing home Sasha

Wide Awake Int. Org Chart

Oooooooh yeah. That’s right. We’re starting a podcast!

We wanted to try something new in 2022 and decided that trying our hand at podcasting could be a really fun way to keep on sharing the story of Wide Awake. Because, why not? 😉

I’ve been a longtime fan of podcasts. I think they are a really fun way to learn new things and a really great way to tell stories. I’ll still blog a bit, but the main way I’ll be sharing the story of Wide Awake will be on the podcast. 

What you can expect: 

• We’ll put out two podcast episodes a month. This weekly newsletter will continue, and I will always link to new episodes of the podcast here in the newsletter.
• We will transcribe the podcast onto the blog. If you aren’t a fan of listening and would rather read, we’ve got you covered. 
• The podcast will soon be available wherever you normally listen to podcasts. So make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!

I think this will be a really fun project for us. I hope you enjoy! 

Wide Awake Int. Trailer Transcription:

“Hi Wide Awake Community! This is Kim, and welcome to the Wide Awake Podcast. I’m so excited to be sharing all of our stories with you this year in a new format.

If you’re new to Wide Awake, if you don’t know us, I’ll let you know that we are in Ukraine and our vision is to bring hope, love, and dignity to people with disabilities. We’re doing that through deinstitutionalization. We’re working to bring our friends out of institutions and into family life because we believe that every person is valuable. and every person deserves to know the love of a family here on Earth.

So, that’s what we’re all about, and we’ve been sharing our story for 10 years! Actually, I just went back and looked at our blog today and guys, I’ve been writing on this blog for 10 years. Ten years!! I started it in June 2011 and I just.. really , it’s no wonder I need a new adventure, a new format! I’m so tired of blogging. 😂 I’m not going to completely abandon it, but I really want to try something new.

Back when we started the blog, My husband Jed and I, and our four kids (we thought our family was so big… yeah, it was so tiny!) were living in Oregon, and we were starting the process to adopt a little boy from Ukraine with Apert Syndrome. At the time, they said for anybody who’s adopting it’s a really good idea for you to start a blog just to let people know how your process is going. So of course I jumped on the blog bandwagon! And if you remember back in 2011, everybody was blogging. It was the thing to do. Everybody was there. And now in 2022 I guess everybody’s podcasting, I’m jumping on that bandwagon!

You know, sometimes something amazing or something super funny will happen here and I just want to tell you about it. But then I sit down to write and it just falls flat. It’s just, it’s just not the same. And so, I’m really excited to share our stories with my voice. And I hope that it will bring new life and an interesting new way to share what’s happening here.

What you can expect from us is we’re going to put up new episodes, two times a month, and we’re just going to tell our story. I’m going to start next week with our origin story. I’m just gonna start from the beginning. How did we end up here in Ukraine in a tiny little village with goats and chickens and cats and dogs, and a lot of adult men with disabilities? I never would have guessed that 10 years ago!

I know some of you have followed us for a long time and you already know how we got here, but I just think it’s really good to go back and remember. I think I actually need that reminder. Sometimes I can get kind of stuck in the day to day, the everyday life stuff of parenting and groceries and cooking for everybody. And I can just kind of lose sight of that passion that we had those first couple years. I really want to relive that. I want to go back and remember how we got to where we are.

So we’re just going to start at the beginning, and then we’ll see where it leads. I’d like to interview our team members. I’d love to hear what you’d like to hear about! Go ahead and ask questions, request topics. 😊 I’d love to know what you’d like to hear. The main purpose of this is just it’s just another way for you to join our life and our work here; to share our joys and our sorrows here. I hope that you’ll enjoy it. I think it’s going to be really fun.

You’ll be able to find our podcast anywhere where you normally listen to podcasts. Of course, you’re going to need to subscribe so you don’t miss anything.😉 Also, if you prefer to read instead of listening, we’re going to try to transcribe the podcast so that they’ll come up on the blog in a written form for anybody who prefers not to hear my voice. I won’t judge you. Ha! So we’ll see here next week for the origin story. And I hope you’ll join us. This is going to be a really fun adventure. Bye!”

It’s a new year and we’re starting out on a new adventure! After sharing our story of YES on the blog for more than 10 years, I (Kim) really needed a change of pace. I’m so excited to share our work and our life with you on a podcast. Listen to the trailer to find out what you can expect to find in this space. It should be fun!

The vision of Wide Awake Int. is to bring hope, love, and dignity to people with disabilities in Ukraine. We are living that out by bringing our friends out of institutions and into family life.

Last week our friends from Hands of Hope in Indiana were visiting us and it was such a great time together! They are some of the partners who have been with us the longest and it is always a joy to see the work through their eyes. Last year they weren’t able to visit because of COVID, so it had been 2 full years since their last visit. Things have really changed in the last two years! One side of the duplex is already a home, the other side is nearly finished, Max and Morgan moved here, we brought Sasha out of the institution, and several other team members and friends with special needs have been added to the crew. It’s an exciting time here in Ukraine, but sometimes I forget that. I get hung up in the dishes and laundry and parenting. When people come and point out how things have grown I gain a new appreciation for how far God has brought us.

Last year I introduced our team on social media, but I’m not sure I ever did it here. I thought it’s high time you had a clearer picture of who’s who around these parts. I’ll also share our org. chart with you so you can see where everyone fits into the puzzle. I’ll intro the Ukrainian side of the team in this post, and then next time I’ll intro the American side. Let’s introduce you to our team!

CEO

Care Team

Services- The Multidisciplinary “M” Team

Operations

Development

Jed, Masha, and I are all working together on development. I do the communications in English, and Masha runs our Ukrainian social media. At some point we’ll need more help in development, but for now we’re making it work with the three of us.

I hope that helps you understand who’s who over here! Next time I’ll introduce you to our Board of Directors in the US. If you have any questions, let me know!

Two weeks ago we heard the news, but it’s taken me a while to write about it. I’m not sure if I’ll find the right words tonight, but I’ll try, because their lives deserve to be honored. They should be known and celebrated by as many people as possible, because they were valuable and wonderful and their lives mattered.

I’m so sad to share that we have lost two of our friends. Vitya and Vova, two of our dear friends from Romaniv, have died and are now with Jesus. We are just so sad. On one hand, we are thankful that they suffer no longer. We know they are now free and they have no pain, no tears, no fear. But on the other hand we mourn so deeply for what they had to endure here on earth. We mourn that they never knew the love of a family and we weep that we didn’t get them out in time. Lots of emotions- a different one each moment. I guess we all remember anew just how important this work really is.

I’d love to share about our boys, if you’d like to know them better. I want to honor their memories by sharing with as many people as I can, just how wonderful they were.

---

Let’s start with Vitya. 🙂 I didn’t know Vitya quite as well as I knew Vova. We spent less time together over the years because Vitya didn’t move to the Isolation Hall until the last couple years of his life, and the Isolation Hall is where our team spends the majority of our time.

Before he was moved to the Isolation Hall, Vitya was in the same group as our Anton. He was nonverbal, but he could most definitely communicate! He was really very smart. I think anyone who visited Romaniv with us will remember Vitya. He was always ready with a handshake or a hug. When he smiled his eyes would close soooooo tightly! Vitya loved to dance and when we did our weekly dance class, back in the day, he was in absolute heaven. He had big emotions and was either very happy, or very sad, but his face showed it all. Vitya loved to pray. Any time we were going to have snack, or anytime a class ended, Vitya made certain that we stopped to pray. I will always remember that about him.

A couple of years ago Vitya was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, and as his symptoms progressed he was moved to the Isolation Hall. He would fall often and just didn’t understand how to keep himself safe. We really saw him decline before quarantine. It is good and right that he is suffering no longer. But oh, we loved our Vitya and will miss his smiling face and tight hugs. I really can’t imagine Romaniv without him. He was a star and our team will never, ever forget him.

And now on to our precious Vova. Deep sigh.

I can’t help but cry as I write this. It’s heartbreaking to know that our Vova is gone. He is with Jesus, and I’m so so happy that he is free and safe and loved. We all feel that joy. But Vova’s death is a tremendous loss to our team. We planned that he would be the first to move into the second side of the duplex. We dreamed of his future as a part of our big Wide Awake Family. We imagined how he would grow and change and thrive. We wondered how he would transition and if he would maybe ever speak. We fully intended to set him free here on earth, but it will never be. He left us before we could show him that love and our heart break because of it.

I remember the first time Jed and I ever saw Vova. It was when we visited Romaniv in the spring of 2012. We were in Ukraine for the first time, scouting it out and listening for how God would have us respond to this great need, this great injustice. We visited Romaniv with Mission to Ukraine and knew at once that those boys were our people. That first visit was a bit overwhelming, but Jed and I both remembered Vova. He stood out to us because he was in such terrible condition. I’ll be honest that my first emotion upon seeing him, was fear. He was self-harming and blood was running down the side of his face. He was groaning and rocking, fiercely avoiding all human contact. He was just existing, cast away by society. His days consisted of rocking, and searching for string to swirl between his fingers.

I remember his sounds and I remember my fear. But that was not the Vova we eventually came to know. That was just a shell of a man. Our Vova had a deep laugh and an infectious smile. If you could get Vova to smile, then your day was made. Our Vova was curious. He didn’t always love to be touched and he didn’t always love to interact, but I think I can safely say that by the end of his life he had learned that some humans could be loving and good and safe. I pray that he knew he was loved by us. I know that I know that Vova knew he was loved by God. I just have to trust God’s faithfulness on that one. He promised to be a father to the fatherless, so I trust that Vova felt and knew that love. To be honest, that’s a leap of faith because Vova died from something preventable and treatable. He lived a life of abuse and neglect and in a way, he never even got to begin living. I find myself asking God a lot of questions, but in the end I choose to trust that he was near to Vova in ways we couldn’t see.

Our team visited and loved Vova for 6 years, and during 4 of those years the interns were also working closely with him on developing functional skills. It seems to us that out of all the boys in the Isolation he is one of the ones who benefited the most from that time of relationship. He really did change over time. It’s beautiful to look back through pictures and see the change in him.

The loss of Vova was a big shock to our team and we mourn him because he was loved. We will miss our friend. We are honored and thankful that we were able to know him and be witnesses to his life. As we start to bring more boys into the duplex we will remember our friend and our great love for him. His life mattered. You were loved, our Vova. You mattered to us. I’m sorry we couldn’t get to you fast enough. We will never forget you.

I’ll leave you with Vova’s laugh. This is how we want to remember our friend. Happy, curious, and gentle. Precious, and of immense value.