Love in Action

“Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing, compared with love in dreams.” – The Brothers Karamazov

The season of Lent began last Wednesday, and it’s really doing a number on me! Things are coming up that the Lord lovingly wants to deal with inside of me and I’m thankful, but…it kinda hurts a little too.

Lent is an ancient Christian tradition of fasting, prayer, and alms-giving for the 40 days leading up to Easter. It’s a time to set your priorities straight, to recognize the areas in your life where you have gone astray, and to prepare your heart for the big day of days- Resurrection Day. I appreciate the call to live more intentionally, to put aside some things and to say no to myself a bit more. And God is always faithful to meet me in those moments. I think he finds great joy in our deliberate efforts to say no to self and yes to him.

Each day in my Lenten readings there is a passage from a novel called The Brothers Karamazov, a take on the story of the prodigal son. The passage that was chosen today hit me like a ton of bricks. It really spoke to me, so I thought I would share it with you. In the passage a woman is talking with a priest about how to live a life of faith, how to know that her faith is real. He answers her that to live a life of faith is to live a life of “active love”.

“‘In active love? There’s another question and such a question! You see, I so love humanity that- would you believe it?- I often dream of forsaking all that I have, leaving Lise, and becoming a sister of mercy [a nun]. I close my eyes and think and dream, and at that moment I feel full of strength to overcome all obstacles. No wounds, no festering sores could at that moment frighten me. I would bind them up and wash them with my own hands. I would nurse the afflicted. I would be ready to kiss such wounds.”

“It is much, and well that your mind is full of such dreams and not others. Some time, unawares, you may do a good deed in reality.” [the priest talking there]

“Yes. But could I endure such a life for long?” the lady went on fervently, almost frantically. “That’s the chief question- that’s my most agonizing question. I shut my eyes and ask myself, ‘Would you persevere long on that path? And if the patient whose wounds you are washing did not meet you with gratitude, but worried you with his whims, without valuing or remarking your charitable services, began abusing you and rudely commanding you, and complaining to the superior authorities of you (which often happens when people are in great suffering)- what then? Would you persevere in your love, or not?’ And do you know, I came with horror to the conclusion that, if anything could dissipate my love to humanity, it would be ingratitude. In short, I am a hired servant, I expect my payment at once- that is, praise, and the repayment of love with love. Otherwise I am incapable of loving anyone.'”

Wow. Let that sit a moment. Does ingratitude from others dissipate my love? Do I love others with a payment in mind? Praise, thanks, notoriety, fame, warm fuzzies… do I need those things to be payed to me so that I have the strength and will to love others? I want to say no, but I know that’s not always the truth. I want to be thanked. I want to be recognized. I want my good deeds to be noticed. I want my hardships to be recognized and seen and I want to be understood. It’s may be gross, but it’s reality.

The priest has a long answer for this woman, but here is the part that stood out to me:

“..love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labour and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it- at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you.”

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Love in action is the day after day choice. Love in action is the hidden life. Love in action is waking up every moment and making a choice: to speak kindly, to be patient, to hold the hand, to gently wash the body, to try again to understand, to cook the next meal, to have compassion, to have a beginners mind. Love in action has no stage. Love in action will not be understood by the world. But the Lord sees it all. He watches with a loving gaze and a full heart.

Most of our boys can’t thank us. They don’t understand the comforts and ease we “give up” to live life with them. They don’t understand that it’s not always easy for us and I don’t think they can comprehend that sometimes a life of service feels like just one sacrifice after another. But that’s okay. They don’t need to say thank you. They don’t need to understand. We are called to love them and it is enough to know that Jesus, the one who matters sees it all.

Let us hear the call this Lent to live lives of love in action. Let us put aside the need to be seen and understood and simply serve others with love that can only come from the One who is Love. Let us not just dream of living lives of love, but to actively pursue love. Say yes to the next thing and take the step. Our God who sees all and knows all will meet us and guide us and his gaze is enough. ❤️

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Kim