Our family of seven is together at last.  Vladik and Jed arrived from Ukraine on Thursday night.  The wait is over!!  After months of loving our Vladik and leaving him behind a gate, he is out and ours forever.  We are so full of joy.

So it’s been 4 days home together and I’m just in awe that he’s really here.

Vladik sitting at our kitchen table.  Vladik shooting hoops in the driveway with Seth.  Vladik shopping with us at Winco. Vladik on the carousel. Vladik at church.  Vladik NOT at Romaniv.

He loves to play, watch cars, and take showers.  After 15 years of constant filth and neglect, he just beams when he knows he is clean.

It’s like a dream.

He’s doing awesome.  Of course, there are adjustments to be made and there have been a few tears, as we all process yet ANOTHER transition, but in general he just fits us like a glove.  This is a love that has grown and developed over two years, so there is a lot that is natural about it.

I’ll talk more about the details of his adjustment later in the week, I just wanted to let you know that he is home and we are blessed.  I can say with complete honesty that we are eternally grateful and humbled that God gave Vladik to us.  He is a precious soul that has been hidden away for far too long, and we are the ones who get to watch him come to life.  It’s the best thing ever.

Every day, multiple times a day, Vladik asks each member of our family if we love him.  “Mama, do you love me?  Papa, do you love me?  Addy, do you love me?  Ezra, do you love me?  Hava, do you love me?  Seth, do you love me?”  When we answer that yes, we love him forever, he laughs and claps his hands with joy.  That love, that belonging, all of our Boys deserve that.  My heart breaks that even though Vladik is out, they remain.

A wise adoptive mama friend said this, and it is also my heart’s cry:

“I have become convinced that to be indifferent, to do nothing, to ignore, to refuse to act, to stand back and allow broken and wounded populations to continue to suffer…this is the great sin of our lifetime. We are a generation of emotionally paralyzed people, and thus our behaviors become paralyzed. We spend so much time waiting for a sign, a signal, a calling…that we forget to DO. This simply must change. We as humans, as fellow travelers in this life, in this moment, must work, and work HARD to change what is unjust. The moment is now. Stalling has only ever cost us liberties, time, and lives. The procrastination just isn’t worth the price.

GO and DO.

Change the world.

Change a life, and in so doing change YOUR life.

Pay attention to the brokenness. 

Give generously. 

Love big and refuse to look back.

Even when it is hard, you will never regret it”

This is Part 3 in our adoption story.  You can read Part One here and Part Two here!

After camp Jed and I both began to see Vladik differently.  Our hearts toward him were changing, but it wasn’t something we talked about with each other.  We both just knew in our hearts we had a special love for him. Honestly, every person who serves at Romaniv has their “favorite”.  Ha!  You know, that one boy that you just connect with in a special way.  My “favorite” changes from week to week.  😉

Separately, Jed and I both began to think more and more about Vladik.  Our love for him grew and grew. Separately, we started to wonder if God had something more for us and Vladik together.  We didn’t know even what that would mean.  We didn’t know how old Vladik was (it’s impossible to guess the ages of the boys at Romaniv), if he was even available for adoption (only 9 boys out of 86 at Romaniv can be adopted), or what God had in mind. Then, over time we both, separately (great communication skills, eh?), began to feel like God was maybe asking us to consider adoption.  Holy smokes.  Scary thought.  It’s one thing to love Vladik at Romaniv and camp.  It’s a whole other thing to love him in our home, as our son, for the rest of his life.

In October Jed and I began to talk about Vladik together.  We both shared with the other our musings about adoption and laughed about how crazy it sounded to bring pursue adopting one of our boys while continuing to live in Ukraine.  Was it even possible?  I mean, all of our boys have so many needs, could we raise Vladik here and continue to be effective in the work God has called us to?  Was Vladik even adoptable?  What about our other kiddos?  Were there any safety concerns for them?  Would a family need to live in America to be able to adequately care for Vladik’s medical needs?  How could we afford an international adoption while living on raised support?  Would it be possible to do an American adoption from Ukraine while living in Ukraine? So much to pray about and consider. We decided to keep those thoughts to ourselves for the time being and just wait on the Lord.  We knew that if He wanted Vladik to join our family He would speak to us.

The very next morning, after we had first talked about our love for Vladik we got an email from a dear friend in Switzerland. She told us that she had had a dream about us and felt like she was supposed to share, even if it sounded strange to us. She dreamed that she was coming to visit us in Ukraine and we were so excited because we were adopting two boys from Romaniv!  In the end we ended up adopting one boy, but then before we could get back to adopt the other one he passed away. 🙁

Of course we didn’t know what the whole dream meant, but wow.  What an encouragement from the Lord that he would speak to us through our friend about adoption when we had told NO ONE our hearts! Shortly after that we found out from the assistant director of the institution that Vladik was one of the few boys available for adoption!  Oh my.

Then came November, a really dark time for us.  We began to learn more about what makes Romaniv the way it is.  Jed always says “Romaniv didn’t get the way it is from everybody doing their best job.”  Ain’t that the truth.  The plain and simple truth is that the enemy has kept that place in darkness for far too long, and he doesn’t plan to give it up easily.  This work we do is absolutely our dream come true.  We couldn’t imagine doing anything else, yet this work comes with plenty of pain and heartache. All is not lollipops and roses.  We try to be very positive about what we share on social media about the Boys and our work.  It’s not like we’re dishonest or anything, it’s just very important to us that we always maintain the boys’ dignity, and to remember hope when we share.  Our boys have had everything stolen from them.  We will not go in and steal their dignity as well.  Honestly, though, the more and more time we spend at Romaniv, the more and more layers of ugliness we uncover.  That’s just bound to happen.  In that regard, November was just plain rough on our spirits. It was not pretty. We couldn’t manage to think of much except putting one foot in front of the other.  The weight of injustice became almost too much to bear.  Adoption dreams were on the backburner.

Then two of our boys whom we love VERY much were sent to a hospital several hours away and were lost to us.  The Director said they would be gone for at least a year, and “maybe forever”.  It felt like a death.  We just arrived one day and they were gone.  Oh, the tears.  We were devastated because we knew those boys would not understand what was happening.  Would they be scared?  Would they be treated well?  Then we remembered our friend’s dream.  One of the boys that was sent away, Valera, was Vladik’s only real “peer” in the Isolation Hall.  He was the one other boy who would try to play a little, and the two of them were attached at the hip.  One of our big issues with adopting Vladik was knowing we could never take him away and leave Valera behind, but Valera was too old to be adopted. When we first started talking about adopting we had discussed trying to get guardianship of Valera and were really thinking we could find a way to take him home too, and then he was gone.  Just like the dream.  So, so sad.  Maybe this adoption idea was too much for our hearts to take on.

Sweet Valera

December came and we prepared to make a couple Christmas videos for Wide Awake, to introduce people to two of our boys.  Jed decided to feature Boris in his video because they have a really special connection.  I couldn’t decide who to feature in mine!  After lots of indecision, I decided to feature Vladik in my video because my deepest connection was with him, and I hoped maybe his family would discover him by watching the video.  Jed and I had basically stopped talking about adopting him ourselves, so if he couldn’t be ours I made it my mission to find him a family of his own.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzJGaFq6SKI]

Thousands of people saw the videos of Boris and Vladik.  🙂  Only a few days passed and a family wrote an email inquiring about adopting him!  My heart leaped and sank at the same time when I read their email.  Is that even possible?  It sure felt like it.  We wanted a family for him so badly, but oh man, I had so hoped it would be us.  Whenever our kids would watch the video of Vladik (which they were slightly obsessed with) Havalah would say “But Mommy, we don’t really want him to be adopted right?  Because then we would never get to see him anymore!”  She said it every.single.time.  Anyway, I got over myself 😉 and was truly excited to get that inquiry about Vladik, but then we found out that the interested parents were too young to adopt Vladik.  They were only 12 years older than him, and by Ukrainian law adoptive parents have to be at least 15 years older than the child they are adopting.  Back to the drawing board, loving our boy more than ever after seeing how many people responded to his preciousness in the video.

  
Then one morning in January Jed woke up early and felt like God spoke to him super clearly, “So, when are you gonna finally move forward with adopting Vladik?”  Uuuuuuh now, I guess????  Ha!  Jed came and told me he felt like we were supposed to go for it, and that was that.  I mean, we loved him, he needed a family, it was really a no-brainer.  All of our reasons for saying no seemed absolutely fearful and selfish and lame.  Our baby was right in front of our faces and he needed his mommy and daddy.  We sought wisdom from our parents, our pastor, and a few friends, and they were all completely supportive and completely not surprised.  🙂  In mid-January we began working on documents, and on August 31st Vladik became our son.

It might have taken 15 years, but Vladik is finally found.  We pray and believe that God will use Vladik to be a voice for those who are yet to be rescued. We pray and believe that God will use our family, and our adoption story to show Ukrainian people the value of our Boys.  It’s awesome, God has spoken to us, and to many others that Vladik is going to bring our family so much joy.  We know that of course there are bound to be some rough moments ahead, but we just keep getting the word “JOY”.  As Jed and I drove away from court after the judge declared Vladik was our son we had tears streaming down our faces: “How is it that God saved Vladik for us?  How did we get to be the lucky ones?”

He is so valuable.  He is so beautiful.  He is our baby and we are the happiest, most blessed family in the world.

This is the second part in a series about our adoption story. You can read Part One here. 

After God turned our hearts to Ukraine, and orphans with special needs there, we knew we had to go check it out for ourselves. I remember the first time we visited Romaniv in 2012. We saw Vladik there and our hearts were touched because we saw that he had Apert Syndrome like Jonah, the boy we had loved. I even wrote a bit about him here. Then, as you know, we ended up moving to Ukraine in November of 2013. YAY!

After our move, we began to visit Romaniv every week with MTU (Mission to Ukraine) and grew to love all the boys. The boys in the Isolation Hall were our main focus and every week our love for them deepened as we came to know them more.

We loved Vladik very much, but honestly, not any differently than any of the other boys. I guess he held a special place in our hearts because of Jonah, but we weren’t considering adoption at all. I promise! Ha! We had ended up adopting our Seth before we moved and felt that someday we would adopt again, and most likely that would be a Ukrainian adoption, but the idea was far away in the future. We did not even remotely think about adopting one of our boys. I mean, how could you pick just one, when our biggest dream is that they would all know the love of a family? Yeah, not happening.

Then came MTU summer camp. The last two summers our family has had the EXTREME pleasure of serving at camps for kids with disabilities, put on by Mission to Ukraine, one of our non-profit partners here in Zhytomyr.

They have loved our Vladik for many years. Just look at these pictures! 

  
  
MTU actually plays a giant role in every part of this adoption. We came to Zhytomyr to volunteer for MTU. We heard about the work they were doing at Romaniv and longed to be a part of it. They had been visiting the boys for several years before we came along. If it weren’t for God leading us to MTU there is no doubt in my mind- we would not know Vladik. 🙂 THANK YOU MTU!!!!

Anyway, every year Romaniv sends 6 boys to MTU’s camp, along with one of the nannies. This is outrageously amazing for our boys. They never ever leave the grounds of Romaniv. It is their entire world. But, every summer 6 boys get to escape for 8 days and truly LIVE.

They are treasured at camp. They laugh at camp. They play at camp. It’s like Disneyland on steroids for these boys. We were at camp last July waiting for the bus to arrive from Romaniv and who, to our enormous surprise, stepped off the bus? VLADIK! We had no idea any of our boys from Isolation were coming!!!! Vladik had never been to camp before! We were so happy!!!!

You guys, Vladik did so great at camp. Oh, my word. He started out the week with many institutional behaviors (screaming at the wrong time, loud noises at inappropriate times…) but after only 2 days at camp, those behaviors were gone. He was trying to sing the songs and do the motions. He was doing his best at the games. He was sitting quietly during lessons. He gained new words every day. It was so beautiful.

The most unexpected and most beautiful thing for Jed and me was how Vladik connected with our kids. Addy and Ezra had met him at Romaniv before camp, and Vladik had immediately taken a liking to Ezra. Vladik likes most people, but for some reason (God) he really latched on to Ezra during the couple of times Ez came to Romaniv. That relationship only grew at camp- and the feeling was mutual. Ez was drawn to Vladik and really began to love him.

One night toward the end of camp, I was putting the kids to bed in our room and all the lights were out. Jed was away and the kids and I were talking about our day. I asked them each what was the best moment of their day and the most difficult moment of their day. That day the camp had held the Special Olympics, so there were a lot of great moments to talk about. When it came to my turn to share Ezra piped up, “Mom, I bet I know what your hardest moment was. When the Romaniv boys were getting their medals at the Olympics I saw you crying. I bet that was hard for you.” I answered him that that moment was actually my best and most difficult moment all at once. It was the best because I saw all the joy on the boys’ faces and I was so happy to see them so happy. But it was the hardest because they were the only campers who didn’t have a mommy to walk them up to the front to get their medal. I was sad because I knew they were going home tomorrow and I knew that their home was not a good place.

All of a sudden, in the dark room I heard a weeping, almost a wailing coming from one of the beds. It was Ezra! “Ezra! What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“Mommy, why? Why do the boys have to live there? Why do they have no mommy? It’s not fair. I don’t want them to go back there! Why does Vladik have to live there? He’s my friend. How long is he gonna have to wait till his family finds him?”

Pretty soon all four of my kids were weeping. Their hearts were broken for the boys. In that moment they really got it. They really began to understand why we live here in Ukraine. They began to understand why we sold everything and came to love these boys. Ezra said “Mom, we can never leave Ukraine. The boys need us!”

That camp, that night, our kids fell in love with Vladik. That night my heart began to shift. I began to see Vladik in a new way. I shared the story with Jed and he cried. We could barely stand to see him get on that bus to head back to Romaniv. Something was stirring. God was up to something!!

PS: Thank you MTU for the pics of Vladik when he was little 🙂 

This is the first in a series of posts about our adoption.  It’s a miraculous story and I pray God uses it to speak to other families who are considering adoption.  So many boys and girls like our Vladik wait and wait for their lives to begin.  Every child deserves the love of a family.  Would you read with an open heart and ask God how He would have you respond? 

This is a love story.  For God so loved Vladik, that He preserved his life until the day his mommy and daddy would find him.  For God so loved our family, that He picked us up out of our lives and dropped us across the world so that we could find our baby.

One night, in August 2010, with newborn Seth, our foster baby asleep at my side, I was browsing online.  I have no idea what I was looking for, but somehow I came across the blog of a woman who had just returned from Ukraine, having adopted two little girls with Down Syndrome.  Her story caught my attention and I ended up reading her whole adoption story in one evening.  One blog led to another, which led to another, and pretty soon I found myself immersed in a world I had had no idea existed, the world of special needs adoption.  My heart was broken in two, never to be the same.

Jed and I always knew we would adopt someday.  We believed in orphan care and it was important to us.  Since before we were married we had dreamed of moving overseas to care for orphans.  That’s why I became a nurse!  While we waited for God to send us overseas we fostered medically fragile babies.  So yeah, adoption was on our radar, but not orphans with disabilities, or kids with disabilities in general.  We just hadn’t thought of it.  Well, maybe that’s not all true.  We had thought of it and then rejected it.  “Yes, we’ll adopt- but only healthy kids.  We could never raise a child that would require our hands-on care forever.”  We fostered babies with special needs, but that wasn’t permanent.

Jed with baby Seth, during our fostering days 🙂

A while later I came upon Julia’s blog.  Julia was advocating and still does advocate, for orphans with disabilities.  Fun Fact: We have since met each other twice here in Ukraine, and Julia even got to come to Romaniv to meet our Boys!  Isn’t God fun?   Julia was advocating for a little guy in Ukraine with Apert Syndrome.  Did you know our new son Vladik has this same syndrome? Like I said, God is fun 🙂  I had never heard of that syndrome and didn’t know anything about it, but that boy struck me.  I read her post and learned that he was 4 years old and about to be transferred to a bad place- an institution.  He needed to be adopted quickly.  I’m telling you what, I fell for that baby hard.  Jed came home one night to a red-faced, sobbing wife and was a little confused.  Ha!  I started rambling to him about Ukraine and orphans with disabilities and mental institutions and teenagers in cribs and “aging out” and he stood there shocked.  I told him “We have to DO SOMETHING.  We can’t just sit by and let this happen.  We have to do something!!!”  He was a little shell-shocked but agreed to pray about it and see if God laid it on his heart as well.  What a guy.  🙂

In the meantime “Jonah”, the little Apert guy was constantly on my mind.  His face was in my dreams.  I would weep over him and all the little ones in cribs as I did the dishes. My heart ached and the ache wouldn’t stop.  The Holy Spirit was at work.  God was working in Jed’s heart too, and soon we were both praying about how to respond to Jonah, specifically.  We prayed for many months.  We sought counsel from our parents and our pastor.  We prayed some more.  Then in early 2011, after much prayer, many miracles, and confirmations (SO MANY), it became abundantly clear that God was asking us to move forward to adopt Jonah.

The first photo we saw of Jonah

We were so excited!!!  This sweet one who had captured our hearts would be our son!  Gone were the worries about raising a child who would need our care forever.  We could have cared less.  All of our old worries and hesitations seemed so selfish.  In the light of what these babies suffer without a mommy and daddy to fight for them, in the light of what Jesus did for us…how could I be worried about losing our “empty nester” years???  Our child needed us.

So, we sent in the initial commitment paperwork and money to say to the adoption world “You don’t need to advocate for this one anymore, we’re coming for him!”  In Ukraine, there is no referral given to adoptive families before they travel.  You can pursue the adoption of a certain child, but until you actually get to Kyiv and request their file there is no guarantee that you will actually get that child.  Another family could go there first and adopt them, not knowing your intentions.  You could get there and that child may not even be adoptable.  There are many unknowns.  We were aware of that, but when we got the email a few weeks after we had sent in our initial paperwork, letting us know that another American family who was already in Ukraine was adding our boy to their adoption, we were utterly devastated.

Shocked.  Heartbroken.  Confused.  Happy for our Jonah, that he could have a mommy and daddy so soon, but heartsick that they were not us.

We had loved Jonah from afar for many months and now we would never even get to meet him.  God had spoken so clearly.  We had researched the heck out of Apert Syndrome and felt so well-equipped.  Miracles paved the way for us to begin the adoption process.  God, what was that all about?  What were you doing?  Why?

Then God spoke again.  Jed was out mowing the lawn, praying, asking God what He was up to and he felt God speak to Him so clearly,

“Jed, I am so much more interested in the process than in the end result.  You have one end result in mind, but I’m taking you on a journey.  I needed you to love Jonah like a father.  I needed you to love him with abandon.  I needed you to have that father’s heart for Jonah because I need you to love lots of little boys and girls like Jonah.”

And so it happened that a little boy with Apert Syndrome caught our hearts and led us to Ukraine.  A little boy with Apert Syndrome broke our hearts for Ukrainian orphans.  He helped us to fall in love with children with disabilities- so in love that we would give up everything and cross the world to touch them and smile at them and hold them in our arms.  God used Jonah to start us on the best journey of our lives- the journey to our Boys and our own little treasure, our Vladik.

To be continued 🙂

  
Vladislav Christopher Johnson- orphan no more! 

Today, in a courtroom in Romaniv, Ukraine, Vladik was legally declared to be our son. We are officially a family of seven! 

Ours was the first international adoption in the town of Romaniv and we are praying it helps to pave the way for many more to come after us. The court went well and although it was a long, serious affair, there was nothing scary or tense about it. All the parties represented agreed that our family adopting Vladik was in his best interest. The representative from the orphanage said “You can see they love him like parents.  It’s almost like he’s already a part of their family!” 

Ain’t that the truth. 

Remember when I wrote this post about Vladik being found by a super lucky family? So yeah, the secret’s out: we are that most lucky family. It was KILLING us to keep the secret for all those months. Whew! I’m so glad we can now share our joy with the world. 

The story of how we came to adopt Vladik is wonderful and beautiful, and tomorrow I’ll begin to share it all with you.

Now we have a 10-day wait (Ukrainian law), and then we will be able to take Vladik out of the orphanage FOREVER. 

The first of our Boys, redeemed. 

Once he was abandoned, but today he is a beloved son, brother, grandson, nephew, and cousin.

Our hearts are full and we pray many families will come after us. Our Boys are absolutely treasures. How blessed are we that God gave one of those precious treasures to us for our very own?? We are the luckiest. 

Praise God. He sets the lonely in families!!!! 

A couple weeks ago at church a young guy came up to me that I’d never met before.  He spoke some English and wanted to try out his skills, so we chatted for a bit.  He said “I heard you guys work at the orphanage for sick children and now you will take one of them home to be your son!”  I said yes, he was correct that we are in the process of adopting one of our Boys and then proceeded to proudly show him lots and lots of pictures of our special boy on my phone.  As soon as he saw the pictures his face fell.  He was obviously a little shocked, and obviously a little confused at my proud exclamation of how sweet and cute and special our boy is.

Then he asked the question that I’m sure many have wanted to ask, but so far no one else has been brave enough to utter:

“Why?  Why would you do this?  I don’t understand.  Why?????”

I paused for a second, happy that he had the guts to say what was really on his mind, because it was definitely written all over his face. 😉  I answered with the simple truth:

“Because we love him, God asked us to, and we said yes!”

It’s a simple truth, but there is a lot more behind it, a lot more led up to it, and there is a lot more weight that goes along with it.

This adoption yes was not a simple yes.  Much prayer, many tears, many conversations and sleepless nights led to this yes. In fact, many years of “yeses” led to this yes.

I remember in 2010 when our Ukraine story first began.  We knew that God was asking us to say yes to adopting a little boy from Ukraine with multiple special needs.  Oh boy, that was a hard yes to come to.  There was nothing simple about that.  We had always been open to adoption.  We were fostering our Seth at that time and were really hoping we would be able to adopt him.  Adoption and orphan care was important to us!  But I always said I could never adopt a child with a disability.  No way!!!   Willingly take on a child that would remain a child for life?  Knowingly adopt a child that would never live alone and would need my care for all their life?  Give up the dream of retiring someday with Jed and traveling the world together (child-free!)?  Heck no!  Are you crazy????  Who would do that??????  That would be so hard!  I guess some people are meant for that life, but not us.

Oh how the times have changed…hehe

I remember back in those days, praying about that certain boy who needed a family.  I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. I  couldn’t forget him, even if I wanted to.  I began to rethink my reasons for saying no to him.  The more I examined my line of reasoning the more my argument sounded rather lame.  All my reasons for saying no were because I wasn’t willing to lay down my life and my comfort.  I really, reeeeeeeally like to be comfy.  Oh I love comfy clothes, comfy socks, comfy shoes (no heels here!), comfy hoodies, comfort foods, comfy chairs, a comfortable salary, a comfy house, friends I can be super comfy with.  And most of all I love a comfy future.  I like to know what’s coming and I like to like what I know is coming.  I don’t like things that make me uncomfortable- like exercise, hard manual labor, and things that are out of my control.

Saying yes to adopting a child with severe disabilities is the exact opposite of comfy.  It’s inviting stress and pain and hard work and expenses and a lot of “out of control” moments into my life.

BUT,

God doesn’t call us to lives of comfort.  He doesn’t call us to lives of free and easy living where happiness and security are the ultimate goal.  He says to us “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matt. 16:24-26)

Friends, living a “chasing-comfort” life is no life at all.  Jesus says that the only way we can save our own lives is to give them up for Him. That’s not a call to comfort- it’s a call to sacrifice.  There’s just no way to put it lightly.  Once I considered what Jesus was willing to do for me, how could I say no to a little one so in need, in order to tend to my own comfort?  Ick.

That original adoption didn’t work out, but you probably know that that is what God used to turn our hearts to Ukraine.  And here we are now, saying yes to our special boy.

Please hear me.  I am soooooo not talking down to you right now.  I am not the pro at sacrificing my comfort- just ask my husband and kids.  I fail at it all the time.  I’m still learning and I thank God for his patience with me.

The thing is, now I see what I almost turned down in favor of my comfort.  I see it in the form of our most precious boys at Romaniv.  I see it in my Dima as he sits on a plywood bed, foot tied to the slats to keep him from falling off.  I see it in my Misha when he cries, so unaccustomed to human touch that a hand on his shoulder is too much to bear.  I see it in my other Misha who has lived at Romaniv since 1987 in one single hallway, his world shrunk by injustice.  I look into the faces of my precious boys who I love like my own children and I mourn how their lives have been stolen from them for the sake of others’ comfort.  I know these boys.  Over and over again I wish I could sit down with you and just tell you all about each of them. They are AMAZING.

How could we say no to them in favor of ourselves?  The world has said no to them over and over and over to the point where almost no one even knows of their existence.  It’s just not right.

I usually prefer to keep this blog upbeat, but today I’m calling you out.  I’m asking you to set your comfort aside for the sake of the yes.  This life is not all that there is.

There are boys who sit on wooden slats and never feel the grass on their feet or the sun on their face. Their lives are void of all comfort.  

There are people being sold into slavery for the pleasure of others. No comfort to be had there.

There are children sleeping on county office floors because there is no foster family to take them in.  No mommy and daddy to comfort them when they cry.

What will you do with your yes?  Will you pick up your cross?  Will you sacrifice your life for the One who gave His whole life for you?  Will you see past your comfort and your 401k dreams and your comfy couch and rise up?  We can do something about these injustices!  We must do something.  

Your yes means something.  It may mean everything to the someone who needs it, the someone sitting on a plywood bed.

The friend from church, the one who asked us why we would do this crazy adoption thing?  He said yes and visited our boys with us the next week.  As we were riding home in the car he said: “I spent the morning with the boy you are adopting.  Now I see!  I see why you would love him.  He is great!  He is so smart!  He is just…..great!!”

There is so much joy in the yes.  What will you do with yours?

*Several of our boys need adoptive families who will say yes to them.  Would you pray about that yes?  You can read more about those boys here and here.

*I am so excited to share a guest post from Natalie Maxwell, fellow adoptive mama!  Natalie and her husband, Ryan adopted their son, Ivan from Ukraine in 2013, and are returning soon for two more loves with special needs.  You can follow their story here.  Thank you Natalie!!*

It has only been two days since I first laid my eyes on his breathtaking face.

So full of joy…

So tender…

So unforgettable…

Isaiah

Since that day, when I close my eyes I see his smile.

Two days ago I stumbled on Kim’s blog and was completely captured by the little boy they call Isaiah.  I told Kim that he reminds me so much of our eldest son and that’s when she asked me if I would write a guest post to advocate for him.  I said OF COURSE, and ever since I have been thinking about what I could possibly say to help this little boy’s mama find him.

So this post is to you, Isaiah’s future mama (or daddy).  I pray God uses my words to rock your world and etch this precious little boy’s face directly onto your heart.

I know how it feels to be going about your normal life when one day you stumble onto a picture that changes everything.

I know how your heart feels like it’s being pulled apart right now.

I know you probably have a million and one reasons why you could never adopt this little boy.

You may be thinking…

He’s too old… his needs are too severe…I don’t know anything about cerebral palsy…how would he fit into our family?…we don’t even have the money for an adoption.

Every child is so different, but would it help if you could take a little peak into someone else’s story, someone who once asked all of those same questions?

My husband Ryan and I had only been married for two years when I stumbled onto Ivan’s picture late one night. I could of easily hardened my heart to the constant churning or chose to drown out the Lord’s tender voice with the noise of my already busy life, but there was something in that little boy’s eyes that changed me. God began speaking to both my husband and me and made it very clear that we were supposed to fight for this little boy we had never met, who lived across the ocean.

Ivan was born in a small village in Western Ukraine. He was born premature, was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, and was abandoned soon after birth. He spent the first year of his life alone in a hospital, partly because he had bronchitis and other respiratory issues, and partly because no one knew what to do with him. After turning 1, he was brought to a baby house (an orphanage for younger children) where he spent the next 4 years of his life lying in a crib.

When we found his picture Ivan was 5 years old and in danger of being transferred to an adult mental institution, like where Isaiah lives now. We had learned of the horrid conditions of these places and knew that this tender little boy would not live long in such a place, so we began our adoption journey right away. We knew that the only way we would be able to raise the money or even be approved to adopt him would be if God made a miraculous way for us… and He DID.

Shortly after we committed to adopting Ivan he was moved from the baby house, but by some miracle, he was not transferred to an institution, but instead to an orphanage/preschool. At this place, Ivan was shown love for the first time. The care was still far from ideal, but it was during this time that he began to speak for the first time and use his hands and arms.

After meeting him it was clear that God had been preparing this precious little boy for our love.

The day we met

Ivan has now been in our family for a year and a half and we can’t imagine life without him. From the first time I saw Ivan’s picture I just knew in my heart that he had the most tender, sweet personality, and that couldn’t have been more true. Kim told me that “Isaiah is always happy, and considering his circumstances, he really has nothing to be happy about.” That was our Ivan… a truly joyful soul hidden within the dark walls of abandonment and neglect.

That is why I’m writing to you, begging you to silence all the opposing voices and listen to the One voice that matters.

Will adopting Isaiah change your life forever?

Yes.

Will loving him through the healing of his past trauma completely break you at times?

Yes.

Will adding him to your family challenge you and your family members in almost every way imaginable?

Yes.

Will it be the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced?

Likely!

But will his smile light up your life in a way you never dreamed possible?

Yes, absolutely yes! Every. Day. YES.

Will he be worth all of the hardships and struggles he will bring?

Yes. With tears streaming down my face… YES!!

After 10 months home

I can tell you, sweet friend, that the journey will be longer than you can imagine, and at times you may question God’s judgment in choosing you to be this precious child’s mother, but even at the end of the hardest days, you will be able to look into his eyes and know that he is safe, he is alive, and he is adored. Yes, by you, but a million times more so by His Heavenly Father and that truth will bring you to your knees in worship.

So please, after reading this blog, if your heart is stirring, PRAY. Pray that God would give you the courage to say yes. And if you’re not Isaiah’s future mama and you’re reading this, PLEASE SHARE and tell all your friends to SHARE.

Ryan and I think often about the likelihood that our Ivan would not be alive today if we had not adopted him. The only way he would have survived life in an adult mental institution would have been if someone like Kim and Jed were there to help care for him. Kim and Jed can only do so much though, I believe they would be the first to tell you that Isaiah desperately needs a FAMILY.

Will you join me in fighting for this joyful soul?

Sweet Isaiah

*We have many videos and pictures of Isaiah.  If you have questions about him please feel free to email me at kjohnson@wideawakeinternational.org  If you have questions about the adoption process please contact the Hand of Help in Adoption team at: inquiries@handofhelpinadoption.org.

The secret is out!

The Johnson family is expecting!

We are so happy to share the wonderful news that we are pursuing the adoption of one of our Boys!  This is something that God has had in the works for about 5 years, unbeknownst to us.  We’ve been working fast and furiously since January, and if all goes well we should have a new son this summer!

Due to the nature of adoptions in this country, and because of our unique living situation and relationship with the insitution, we can’t announce publicly who we are adopting until the judge makes it final.  What a glorious day that will be!

Right now we have compiled our dossier and it is here in country being translated.  All we are waiting on is USCIS (US immigration) approval and then our dossier can be submitted to the adoption authorities here, and we pray pray pray they will accept it!

Everything about this situation is unique, so we just aren’t sure what will happen.  All we know is that God said to step forward, so that’s what we are doing, and it is our joy.  (Not to say there haven’t been a few sleepless nights during this process!)

Hands of Hope, our friends, and wonderful partners of Wide Awake, have supported our Boys for many, many years.  They were loving our boys before we even knew they existed!  They have been such a support to us during this process, and now they have gifted us with a $4,000 MATCHING GRANT to help with adoption costs!  We are so thankful!!!  YAY YAY YAY!!!

Adoption is super stinkin’ expensive and so many people already support our Boys so faithfully, so it felt a little strange for us to ask for help with adoption costs.  Then Hands of Hope came along and offered this help.  Wow.  God is so amazing.

Would you like to help us get one of our Boys home?  You would?????  Fantastic!  Here’s how:

An adoption fund/account has been set up for us by Hands of Hope, through Lifesong for Orphans. If enough people give donations to total $4,000, then Hands of Hope will donate another $4,000 for a grand total of $8,000!!!!!
*donations are tax-deductible and 100% of all donations go toward this adoption*

Oh man, today is your lucky day!

Today is the day I introduce you to some beautiful treasures.

I promised that I would begin to advocate in earnest.  I warned you this day was coming.  Woohoo!

There are 9 boys that I have been told are available for adoption.  For some months we have been in the process of verifying with the government department of adoptions that yes, they are 100% legally free for adoption.  At this point I have confirmation on 4 of the 9 boys, and we are waiting on the rest.

So, let’s meet the first 4!

*FYI, I’m giving them alias names to protect their identities.  

Meet Alex!Oh my friends, this boy is precious.  Alex came to Romaniv when he was 7 years old and now he is 15.  We have until the end of this year to find him a family and then he will “age out”, meaning he will become to old for adoption.  We can’t let this happen because this boy deserves the love of a family.  Jed and I both agree that he would make a FABULOUS son.  He is such a helper!  Last summer, when the weather was nice, we would take the Isolation boys outside and some of the big boys who have more freedom would join us.  Alex was always in that group.  He would run to help us push wheelchairs, or gently take our blind boys by the hand.  Every week when bananas are being served he is sure to be seen helping the less capable boys with their bananas, making sure no one steals from anyone else.  PRECIOUS.

In 2011

His first picnic!

Alex doesn’t speak, but I wonder if he would if he were given the chance for love and security?  I know it might sound scary to adopt a 15-year-old, but this sweet boy is not your average 15-year-old.  He has never had the experiences my 6-year-old has had.  He is a responsible helper, but he is also like a little child.  Precious, precious boy.  Someone, please see this treasure!!

Meet Stephen!Stephen is one of our Isolation Hall treasures.  We want a family for him so desperately.  He is 12 years old, but really about the size of a 6 or 7-year-old- just an itty bitty thing.  The nannies say that he is blind, but we believe he can at least see shadows.  He always wants to be near the window- especially on sunny days.  There are two places you can usually find Stephen- either standing under the window at the end of the Isolation Hall, or sitting on a chair in the kitchen, waiting for the next meal.

Where he spends most of his days

Jed was describing Stephen’s behaviors to a woman in the US who works with children with visual impairments and she said that his description matches many children they work with who have sensory issues surrounding their vision.  She said that for some of those children, they can actually be taught to see!  Stephen is extremely sensory-seeking and needs to feeeeeeeel the world around him  🙂  He loves to spin, flap his arms, spin some more, run, spin, you get the idea.  He has absolutely no sensory input at Romaniv- so he has to create it himself.

Last summer

He does not speak and displays many institutional behaviors.  He is NOT harmful or aggressive to himself or others.  He is absolutely adorable and has so.much.potential.  He is more than a diagnosis.  Please see our Stephen!!  I have video for interested families.  🙂

Meet Micah!Okay, Micah.  Ridiculous cuteness.  To know him is to love him.  Micah has lived with the big boys for many years, but only recently has been staying in the Isolation Hall.  He gets severe headaches and they put him in with our Boys when that happens.  Our volunteer team absolutely fell in love with him over the past month.  He is so funny!  He speaks and always says “thank you” and “goodbye”.  Somehow he is super polite!  It’s hilarious to see it in that environment.  I have awesome video for interested families.  You just have to see this boy in action.  His pictures don’t do him justice.

In 2008

In 2011

Micah turns 16 this year and we just have to find him a family by the end of the year or he will age out.  One very important consideration is that he has a brother who was born in 2001 and they must be adopted together.  Unfortunately, we don’t know anything about this boy.  He is in another orphanage.  I know, I know, this is a lot to take on.  But please, don’t turn away.  I truly believe God can do anything- even provide a family for Micah and his brother.  🙂

Annnnnd last but not least…

Meet Jonathan!Jonathan is the boy I know the least from this group.  I simply haven’t spent much time with him.  He used to live in the Isolation Hall, but shortly after we moved here he was moved to the big boy group.  He is 12 years old, but about the size of an 8-year-old.  He came to Romaniv from the baby house orphanage when he was 5.

In 2008. SO CUTE.

Last summer. Working hard! 🙂

We’ve heard that Jonathan has a heart condition, but I really need to get that verified.  He is described as kind and cheerful and I heard from one volunteer that he always helps the nannies clear the table after meals.  🙂  I will try my best to find out more information about him, I just didn’t want to delay getting his face out there.  Are you out there Mommy and Daddy?

So there you have it.  There’s the first of our 9.  I hope to tell you about the rest as soon as I get confirmation of their availability.

I know they are not little babies.  I know that you might not fall in love at first glance.  But I can vouch for their value.  I have met them.  I have held each of them in my arms.  They are not just pictures and diagnoses and ages.  They are real boys- as real as my own sons.  I can vouch that God’s plans for them are of no less value than his plans for my own sons.  They have spent their growing-up years thus far in a place no person should have to live for one day- let alone years.

Their childhoods have been stolen.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Please stop and ask the Lord how He would have you respond.  If you can’t adopt, will you at least help me share them with the world?  My faith is big.  There are adoptive families out there.  We just need to introduce them to their sons.  🙂

If you are interested or would like more information please contact me!  You can comment here or email me at kjohnson@wideawakeinternational.org

*Thank you to Mission to Ukraine for the pictures of the boys when they were little!

If you’ve been reading this blog long enough you know that learning how to mother my kids in a new culture has been a big fat challenge for me. It was something I worried about before we moved, and it was THE something I worried about once we landed. Isn’t worrying awesome? It’s just so productive! Not.

It’s just that parenting is hard enough, and then you throw in lots of factors that make our family really “different” and things get downright confusing! I’ve found that we don’t really fit anywhere these days, when it comes to parenting. We don’t fit Ukrainian standards because, well, simply put, we aren’t Ukrainian! We can speak the language (work in progress) and buy the right clothes and eat the right food, but at the end of the day, we’re still Americans. We think differently than Ukrainian parents and we were raised differently than our Ukrainian peers. Culture is so HUGE. There are things we do similarly to Ukrainian parents, but we are also quite different. We could try to be the same, but at our core we’ll always be different- and that’s okay.

But- now we don’t really fit American standards either! For one thing, we don’t live in America, so that changes a whole heck of a lot right there. Many things that are expected for a “normal” childhood in the US just aren’t available or possible here. Our kids are having a completely different childhood than Jed and I had. It’s difficult not to have the same expectations in my heart for them, because all I know is a typical American childhood…yep, not gonna happen for our crew. And that’s okay!

It can feel very “Lone Ranger”ish, parenting so far away from our home culture. I don’t have mom friends I am close to here who are parenting kids around the same ages of ours. I miss the support of others who were going through the mothering stages alongside me. I miss bouncing ideas off each other over coffee and gaining wisdom from others. I miss my kids having friends. I miss having moms around me who are “one step ahead” on the journey. I miss watching them and learning from them. Most mothering and parenting books are really hard for me to read here. It can be discouraging because so much of what is written is based on the assumption that you live in America and have all that is available there, or that the mom’s only focus is on the home and she has no outside responsibilities.  It’s hard to explain, but when I read those books in the middle of this life we are living, it almost seems like they are books from another planet.

Honestly, parenting in this situation (or any situation) is just stinkin’ hard work.  Awesome, but still stinkin’ hard. Am I right?  People ask “How do you do it all?” Um yeah, I don’t. I can’t. Things fall by the wayside. My house is messy. I just paused writing to tell Seth not to throw knives- truth. My kids get lonely. Laundry piles haunt my dreams. I lose my patience daily (or hourly). Homeschooling can get sporadic and is often unorganized. I get lonely. I read mommy blogs (why do I do that?) and feel guilt that I don’t do crafts with my kids.  I want to get up early but instead I stay up too late at night.  I don’t follow through. And on and on and on.

So, yeah I can’t do it all, but I’m sorta, kinda starting to come to grips with the fact that the Johnson family is on our own journey and ours doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s journey. There is beauty in this particular journey and it’s pointless to waste time wishing it looked differently. I mean, this is the journey God created us to walk. Sooooo I should probably learn to be good with it.

Our kids are loved.
Our kids have each other. They love each other.
Our kids are learning to love and value those who the world has cast aside.
Our kids are learning a new culture and a new way of doing things- and their world is bigger because of it.
Our kids are learning what it is to say YES to Jesus.

I finally feel at peace in mothering, probably for the first time since we moved! I have seen little glimpses lately of the fruit and I see that our journey is beautiful in it’s own way.

-Addy announced to me yesterday “Ezra and I are just best friends lately! We just love each other! We’re hoping to keep this going on for as long as we can.”
-When it was dark out, Seth reached out to help Hava down the stairs to our yard. “I know the dark steps scare you Hava. Hold my arm.”
-Hava asked “Mom, which Romaniv boy would you choose first to come live at our house? I couldn’t choose, they’re all just so cute!”
-Every time we come home from Romaniv Ezra wants to see the pics of the boys right away. He loves them.
-Seth said “Mom, I can share Boris with daddy because he needs a daddy too.”

I write all this to say, own your own journey. God’s Word and God’s grace apply to every life situation- regardless of location. Parenting books and parenting seminars are great (I would love some of that right about now!)- but what is the greatest is saying YES to God when it comes to your children. Don’t compare your journey to your friend’s or your neighbor’s or some random blogger’s. The details of their lives are not the details of your life. Their journey is not your journey. Their kids are not your kids.
(Preaching to myself, FYI)

Teach your kids to say YES to Jesus by saying YES to Jesus yourself.
The rest is sprinkles on top. 🙂