Oh rainy Sunday afternoon, how I love thee…

Havalah asleep in Mommy and Daddy’s bed, 
Seth asleep in his bed, 
Addy and Ez watching Sponge Bob (I secretly love Sponge Bob too…),
Jed asleep on the couch,
Cup of coffee at my side, 
Warm socks on my feet…

Now seems like a perfect time to answer your questions! 

Who will take care of your kids while you volunteer at Mission to Ukraine?  How will you involve the kids in what you are doing?
This has been a super common question, and it’s actually one that we think about quite a lot.  I think the involvement of our kids in this ministry will be something that evolves over time as our roles in Ukraine change and as our kids grow older.  We very much desire our kids to be involved as much as they are able.  We believe that when God called Jed and I to Ukraine He called our whole family.  He knew the exact kids we would have and how this would shape their lives.  He created them with gifts and talents that He wants to use to bless others.  I so can not wait to see it unfold!!  It’s amazing to see how God has given them such soft hearts for children and adults with disabilities.  I pray He continues to work in their hearts to prepare them for where He is leading our family. 

While at MTU Jed and I will alternate staying home with the kids.  We homeschool already, so that will be nothing new.  But, it will be new for me to leave the house and for Jed to be teaching the kids some, and we are excited about that change.  I have longed for Jed to be able to be more involved with the kids’ education, but it hasn’t really happened because he is gone all day at work.  I’m lovin’ the tag team idea!  At this point, it looks like we will each volunteer at MTU 2 days a week and then possibly alternate a third day, or reserve that day for language study.  We will know more about our schedule after we visit MTU in May.  I want our kids to be out and about, loving people and helping at MTU if possible.  I guess we’ll see what God has in mind!

Do you speak Russian or Ukrainian?
We’re working on it!  We are studying Russian on our own right now and will hire a tutor when we arrive in Ukraine.  It’s extremely important to us to learn the language.  It’s a work in progress! 

Will you be able to use your medical training as a nurse at the orphanage or will there be licensing/other obstacles that might prevent that?
Well, that is a question we have been discussing with MTU.  I won’t have a Ukrainian nursing license, so I won’t technically be able to practice as an RN.  There are many things I will be able to do to help, because of my knowledge and experience, but I think in some areas I will be limited due to licensure.  Grrr.  I wish it wasn’t so.  When we travel to visit MTU in May I will discuss this more with the MD they have on staff.  I’m interested to know how their nursing scope of practice varies from ours.  That will determine what hands-on things I can do.   Maybe their scope of practice allows for more delegation than ours?  Hmmmm…

Thinking ahead to when we have our medical homes, I’ve thought perhaps we could hire a nurse who could “delegate” to me, similar to how a state RN delegates to medical foster parents who aren’t RN’s.  We’ll pray for God’s wisdom in that and work out the kinks as they come along.  I just need to become fluent ASAP so I can take the boards there and get a Ukrainian nursing license!  Ha!  

Has the host organization told you what you will be doing specifically or will that wait until you meet with them?
Jed and I will visit MTU during the month of May to nail down in more detail what exactly we will do there.  We have made it very clear that we desire to be a blessing and don’t want to come with our own agenda. We want them to put us where we will be of the most help.  They know what our specific skill sets and interests are, but they also know we are completely open to their lead.  In May we will talk with the different department heads and see what the needs are, and how they envision us coming alongside.

I have a lot of interest in the medical, hands-on side of things.  I would love to help with the day-to-day care of the children.  Jed has a lot of skills in different trainings for the staff and in the early childhood development stuff.  We are both absolutely in love with the work being done at the Romaniv orphanage. But, we are also willing to clean toilets and mop floors, whatever needs to be done to support the vision.  We’ll know more about this after our upcoming visit.  

How many hours per week will you be working (i.e., volunteering), if you know?
Right now we are thinking Jed will volunteer 2 days a week, I will volunteer 2 days a week and then we will alternate Fridays.  The team from MTU visits Romaniv every Friday morning, so we can take turns going on those visits.  We also need to fit in language study sometime…so maybe Friday afternoons?  I’m not exactly sure.  We told MTU we are flexible to their needs, but we definitely want one of us to be at MTU whenever their doors are open.  They also do many different special events that we are excited to be a part of.  Those will most likely be whole family events.  Yay!

Will you update the blog regularly to keep us informed, sort of like Bible Orphan Ministry does? Will your host organization/the orphanage permit pictures and updates?
YES!  YES!  YES!  We will totally blog and keep you informed!  We are excited to keep sharing what God does.  MTU will definitely allow us to blog.  It’s important to us to keep our supporters and prayer warriors in on the action, plus I’m pretty sure the grandparents will hunt us down if we don’t keep things up to date!  😉

Do you know if you’ll be able to get a permanent visa? I read that American families have a hard time getting permission to stay permanently.
You heard right. Visas are definitely a tricky situation.  We won’t be able to obtain anything permanent, but only visas that will need to be renewed.  Americans must be invited by a registered organization in order to get visas.  MTU is inviting us, so we are praying for no problems with obtaining visas!  Please pray with us!! 

After you all are set up and in a routine will you be having or allowing people to come on mission trips?
Oh my, you don’t know how much this question makes me smile!!  We love short-term missions and totally see the value in it.  For the first year, since we are volunteering with MTU we will not really be in the position to accept teams. BUT, once we are more established and God starts busting open the gates for the dreams He has given us we hope to have lots of teams!  We will need good help and plenty of it.  We dream of our church sending teams, medical teams coming, orphan-lovin’ teams coming…yes yes yes!!!  Stay tuned!

What is your #1 prayer request today?
Why thank you for asking!  I think right now we need prayer that we would keep our eyes on Jesus.  It’s so easy to get lost in the details of the move, or the details of our May trip.  We get distracted by the sadness of leaving friends and family, or by the need for money, looking to people to be our provision instead of God our Provider.  

We look to people, we look to money, we look to details and Jesus says “Keep your eyes on Me.”

If we look away we start to spin our wheels, we look for affirmation in the wrong places, we have meltdowns.  It gets downright ugly.  So, please pray our eyes stay on Him alone.  Thank you!!!

If you have any other questions please feel free to ask anytime!  As you can see in our answers, we will know much more after our trip in May.  Things are coming together and it’s quite unreal how God is making the way.  Thank you for your continued support!

The details for our move to Ukraine are chugging right along.
Love, support, and encouragement from family and friends? Check.
Destination city? Check.
Amazing organization doing outstanding work to volunteer for?  Check.
Huge, God-size dreams burning in our hearts and faith that God wants to make it happen?  Check.

All systems are a go.  We feel great peace and a big smile from our Father as we step forward into major unknowns.  The need that remains at this point is the money to fund the vision. 

Yep, this is the money post. 

We haven’t talked much at all about money so far on this journey.  There was so much preliminary work to be done, so many unknowns to figure out first.  But now we are in full support-raising mode and we are excited to fill you in on the need.  We’ve lost count of the number of times God has spoken to us through other people
“Do not worry about the money.” 
“God will supply more than enough.”
“Money will not be an issue.” 

When we spoke with our friend James, a pastor in Pasadena,  our worlds were rocked.  James encouraged us that people want to give to big vision.  “Yes, people will give to help us barely get by, but big vision inspires, big vision is God vision.“ We told James a number and he basically said “You need to at least double that.  Let God have a chance to show His stuff.  What have you got to lose?”  Amen to that! 

 So, it is with great faith and assurance in the One who called us that we move forward, getting the word out to whoever will hear.  This is God’s work, this is His passion and we are simply the hands and feet. 

Without further ado, we present you with the numbers. 

Alright, so that is our proposed budget.  Once the Wide Awake board is assembled we will present this budget proposal.  We’ll also discuss, as a board, what tithes and offerings will look like.  We are local church people and it’s important to us to give financially to our local church in Ukraine, we just aren’t sure how to navigate that quite yet.

Now, let’s talk about how we can build Wide Awake International from a dream to a reality during the next five years.    We are telling our story so a team of passionate, “wide-awake” friends can join the effort and make a radical difference in these precious children of God.  Will you consider joining our Wide Awake Development Team by committing to monthly giving? 
At this time we are receiving donations through our church, Salem Vineyard, so the donations can be tax-deductible.  We are still in the process of setting up and incorporating the Wide Awake International non-profit and hope to be finished with that process at the end of April.  At that time we will be able to accept donations via Wide Awake directly.  We will definitely keep you posted on our progress in that regard.  Right now we are assembling board members, and our awesome attorney friend is helping us with the loads of paperwork that come along with non-profits.  Thank you, dear friend!

There you have it!  The nitty gritty details are all laid out. 🙂  If you have considered supporting this ministry financially we are so extremely thankful!  If you have been waiting to begin giving, unsure of when to start… now’s the time!  We are ready!  100% of the donations sent through Salem Vineyard will be given to us.  Just be sure to note with your giving that the money is for Wide Awake.  We have opened a separate bank account for Wide Awake funds and will account for any and every donation.

Mail tax-deductible donations to:

Salem Vineyard Church

Salem, OR 97304

Or you can give via Salem Vineyard PayPal!  
(see the nifty PayPal button on our sidebar)
*Info on how to give will always be available at the top of this blog under the new “Give” tab.

Due to popular demand, we are looking into how to add automatic withdrawal as a method of giving.  We won’t begin that until donations are being received directly by Wide Awake.  We will let you know when that’s an option.  

Whew!  Thanks for making it this far with us.  I hope we haven’t overwhelmed you.  If you have any questions at all please contact us by email or in the comment section.  We are happy to talk more with you about all of this.  

You are welcome to give any time!  If you would like to be a part of the Wide Awake Development team as a monthly supporter could you please drop us a line and let us know?

THANK YOU for your love and support.  This simply can’t happen without many hands and many hearts being spurred to action.  We appreciate you more than we can say.  This is not “The Johnson‘s Mission”, this is God’s mission and we all get to play a part.  Everybody gets to play!  We are honored to join with you on this great mission of love.  

HE IS RISEN!

As I looked out at the amazing sunrise this morning, I was reflecting on what we are gearing up for this coming year, in light of Easter. This is the day God’s Kingdom made a definitive beachhead into what we call the ultimate or final experience… death.

In N.T. Wright’s Lenten reading today, he highlights the issue with how Christ revealed his risen self.  The gospel accounts have him first appearing to Mary and Mary Magdalene.  He explains that women were considered an unreliable source of information in that culture, at that time.  They were considered weak.  But this was something new and God was turning our systems of thought and best ideas on their ear.

Paul reiterates this point in 1 Corinthians 1:25,   “For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.”

Wright said, “That is part of what Easter is all about.  God is doing a new thing, and, as Jesus said earlier in the story, the first shall be last and the last first.  Easter is a day to put everything upside down and inside out.”

This morning I am filled with faith.  I know, again, in my heart and mind that God has called us to serve these beautifully weak and poor disabled orphans.  We get to be a part of His Kingdom-Coming-to-Earth story, His Death-is-Not-Final story, and His Wrong-Things-Made-Right story.  (See Matthew 5, blessed are the poor…)

I know that as we serve these precious children, God will continue to move on the hearts of the hopeless;  Hope has come, Love has come and He came for all of us.  Our work of saying “yes” is a tiny sign.  Your work of saying “yes” is a sign too.

As we celebrate the Risen King today, pray for those without hope to hope again, because Love has come for us all.

(He is Risen Indeed)

Jed

Images from The Jesus Storybook Bible, a big family fave.   

We have some amazing news to share!!

After many months of prayer and discussion, emails and letters, we have been invited to come volunteer at Mission to Ukraine in Zhitomir, Ukraine!!!

Zhitomir, (Zhytomyr) is just west of Kiev, the capital

This is our dream come true.  Mission to Ukraine (MTU) is an amazing place where healing happens. Hope is given.  Jesus is glorified.  What better place for us to learn how to serve the disabled in Ukraine, than from the ones who are already doing it, and doing it with excellence?  We are excited to serve the vision of MTU and help them in whatever area they need it most.

From MTU’s website: 

“Mission to Ukraine is an indigenously run ministry that serves the Zhitomir region ofUkraine. It ministers to the most marginalized of Ukraine – the unborn and the disabled.  

Children with special needs and their families live in a culture that is just beginning to emerge from the Soviet legacy of denying their existence. With limited access to state schooling, poor medical care and inaccessible buildings and transportation, the child with special needs is neglected and isolated by society. Mission to Ukraine offers much-needed educational and medical therapies, practical assistance, and community.”

After we visited MTU last April we said to each other “We have to be a part of this.”  Now God has made a way and we are standing in awe.  

We are starting with a commitment to volunteer for at least one year while learning and observing what the Father has in store.  MTU may be a launching place for other things or a partner for the long term.  We don’t know, and we won’t try to figure it out (remind us of that a year from now...okay?).  We are going to serve and give out of our overflow.  God is the one doing this work and we say yes, one step at a time, trusting Him to show us what we need to know when we need to know it.  Scary?  Yes.  Peaceful?  Yes.  Exciting?  YES!!!!  Thank you all for praying for us and for God to reveal His next steps.  He is so good.

Praise God for His amazing way-making.  
Praise God for His plans unfolding for the fatherless in Ukraine.  Praise God for His love that never, ever fails.

Zhitomir Ukraine, here we come!

To read more about MTU you can visit their website here.
Read about our visit to MTU last April here and here.
Other awesome accounts of MTU’s work can be found here.  

 

Preparing to move overseas is quite the task.  It’s such a big task that we really have no idea how to tackle it.  Day by day, we just do the next thing that is in front of us- praying that when moving day comes along we’ll be as ready as can be.  I’m not necessarily talking about packing and all that (although I have no idea what I’m doing in that area either), more about preparing our hearts and minds for how our lives are going to change. 

When we very first started this process some very wise missionaries told us to do whatever we could to prepare our hearts and lives while we are still here in the US.  “Get your marriage right, work on those selfish areas in your heart, help prepare your kids’ hearts”.  Basically we were encouraged to do whatever we can do NOW while we are in a familiar situation and we have a great church and tons of friends and family around who love us.  Because although we will still have loads of rough edges to smooth off when we get to Ukraine, it’s in our best interest to allow the Lord to do some of the smoothing ahead of time.  Lord knows things will get a lot rougher in some areas once we get there!  Ha! 

Lately I’ve been thinking more about how to prepare our kids for this major life change.  I want to be intentional about preparations with them, because otherwise I know it simply won’t happen.  I know myself.  🙂  Like back in February when we first spoke at a church to share the vision, we were on our way to the church and I finally thought to look back at the kids and ask them if they understood what we were doing that day.  Addy understood, but Havalah and Ezra were unsure (Seth was just along for the snacks- as usual).  It was in that moment that I realized that although they are absorbing a lot just by living in the same house and hearing conversations, we must intentionally talk with them all through this process so their little hearts aren’t left behind.

Here are some things we have started doing to help our kiddos along this journey.  I’m writing them down partially to keep myself accountable, and partially to encourage other parents to be intentional with your kiddos.  We can’t assume our kids will learn what we want them to know about faith and their walk with Jesus by osmosis.  We have to have intentional conversations.  I am sure a work in progress in this area, so I don’t claim to be an expert of any kind!  But, you never know who needs to be reminded of that truth.  So here ya go!

Language Study
I started including Addy, Ezra, and Havalah in my language study.  Duh.  That should have been a no-brainer, but I honestly was waiting to find the perfect “kid” language curriculum for them.  Instead I finally realized that I started at square one and they can just join me where I’m at!  Some knowledge of the language is better than none at all.  We study Monday-Friday for maybe 25 minutes or so, and then I let them go play while I do a bit more.  THEY LOVE IT. They are such smarties too!  Addy has an awesome memory and Ezra has a great ear for the language.  It’s funny the words that stick out to them.  I’m not sure how helpful it will be to know “cockroach” and “frog” in Russian, but they’ve got those ones down perfectly!  🙂

We use Transparent Russian for our language study.  We bought it many months ago and chose Russian over Ukrainian because the part of the country we ultimately would love to end up in is mostly Russian-speaking, and our tutor we had hired was a native Russian speaker.  Now I wonder if we made the right decision, but ah well.  I think either one is a great start.  The complete program isn’t available in Ukrainian anyway, so it is what it is.  🙂

Transparent has grammar study, audio helps, and an awesome vocab-building tool called “Byki”.  Byki is the only part I use with the kids.  We study our computer flashcards and play little games with the words we’ve learned.  They are seeing the words, hearing the words, and saying the words.  It seems like the language study has given them more ownership in this process and I love that more than anything. 


Sharing
We’ve been lining up speaking engagements at different churches and small groups and have been wondering how to involve our kids more in that process.  Yesterday we had a great answer to prayer in that area!  The kids and I were invited to share about Ukraine at chapel for a local Christian school where my mom is a teacher.  It is missions week for the school, so every day they are learning about different countries and the work being done there.  We opened up the week by sharing about Ukraine.  Addy and Ez helped me prepare the lesson and even shared part of it with the kids!  I was so very proud of them!!! 

Ezra and Havalah…ha!

 Addy talked about where Ukraine is located, what kind of foods are popular there, what the homes are like, and showed pictures of the capital and important monuments. 

Ezra talked about language learning, showed a picture of the Cyrillic alphabet and talked about the sound differences and shared some words he’s learned.

Havalah had planned to show her nesting doll, but got nervous…I pretty much knew that would happen!  Ha! I could see how proud they were to share about Ukraine and it made my heart glad.  I think this was a big leap toward them taking ownership of this mission.  We were very thankful for the opportunity to share with other children!

Prayer and Discussion
Ever since we first learned about the need in Ukraine we have included the kids in prayer for the people of Ukraine. 

There have been seasons when we have been more faithful in that than others, but over all it’s been a constant in our family prayers.  The kids have certain orphans they pray for super faithfully, and most of those children have been, or are being adopted!  

That has been a great faith-builder for them!  Now I see we need to start expanding our prayer time with them to include the caregivers, other believers in Ukraine, and the people we’re going to meet and grow to love there.  I want to start praying with them that God will provide them with friends they can love and enjoy life with.  Addy and Ez are particularly nervous that they “won’t have any friends”.  I know it’s not God’s heart for them- so it’s time to start praying and believing that He will provide friends.


Sometimes I get nervous and think “What are we doing? Are we ruining our kids’ lives by taking them away from friends and family??”  But then I think back to all the words God has spoken to our family along this process.  This move is something He has called our whole family to- not just Jed and me.  Life in Ukraine is something He is preparing for our whole family.  When our loving Father created Adelina, Ezra, Havalah, and Seth He knew what life He was creating them for.  He knows how this will grow them and make them into the men and women He has designed them to be.  When I was pregnant with Addy a word was spoken that “This baby will be a bridge to people who don’t know Jesus”.  I am so excited to watch God fulfill that through Addy.  I can’t wait to watch each of our kids blossom and come even more alive as we walk into the destiny God has created for every.single.one. of us. 

  

All along this journey we have moments where we feel like we are being unwise, foolish or just plain crazy.

Here are a few quotes from Dietrich Bonhoeffer that have brought encouragement:

“We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God.”
(When moving out of our house, selling most of our things, and planning to move away from family and dear friends)

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”
(Lord, help us to be wide awake and on the edge of our seats)

“There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler.”
(We try to search for meaning instead of complaining or just reacting)

“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
(As we pray for the institutions, caretakers, and orphanage directors)

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
(As we sit in fear of the unknown, this reminds us to not be silent)

Kim calls him Dietz, I call him brilliant. Many blessings as you say ‘yes’ to the next thing.

Pardon the stream of consciousness blogging, but the main purpose of this blog is to document the journey, and sometimes I just have to spit out my thoughts as they come so I can look back and remember.  

So, back in September, we sold most of our worldly possessions.  Then in October, we moved in with Luke.  Then came the Holidays.  Then came emergency surgery for me.  Then came now.  

With the emergency surgery came loss.  We lost our little baby that day.  I wasn’t going to blog about it, but it’s all part of the journey, and I know someday we’ll look back and see God’s hand in it, so I guess I feel like it’s important to say a little something about it here.  God’s grace and His hand have covered us so completely the last couple of weeks as we’ve grieved the loss of our baby.  We still grieve, and I know that road may be long, but I don’t doubt His great love for us.  I don’t doubt His plans for our family- every member of our family- even the precious one in heaven.  I don’t doubt the promises He made and I know He will complete the work He started. 

Wonderful friends brought us meals the past week and a half as I recovered from the surgery.  One friend from church shared pizza and some beautiful words of encouragement.  She said that God is going to fill the empty space in our hearts with a dream.  

It’s already happening.  I’m dreaming about Ukraine.  My heart is broken anew for the little ones who waste away.  I grieve for their lost childhoods.  I ask Jesus to linger at their bedside and speak tenderly to them as they sleep.  I pray for great change to come in Ukraine- hearts to soften, more believers to rise up, greater faith.  My heart is broken for my baby, but in that brokenness, God is reminding me of what else breaks His heart.  He’s filling up the empty space with His dreams.    

I know the enemy would have loved to use our great loss to derail us.  No way.  Not happening.  My heart aches for my baby, but my spirit aches for Jesus.  Wherever He is going- that’s where I want to be.  In my human mind, I don’t see how anything good could come from our loss, but in my spirit, I know better.  I have to trust that He sees and He knows.  I see how He has perfectly orchestrated His plans to bring us to this place.  He has prepared Jed and I for this since we were children.  Our baby has never been beyond His grasp.    

Passion is rising, hope is rising.  The pain is there- sometimes so strong it feels suffocating, but hope still rises.  I refuse to be derailed.  I choose to be changed by this and my heart to be molded by this.  As one friend encouraged, I’m “riding the wave”.  I’m not muscling my way through the grief, but riding the wave.  Trying to rest my soul and mind, doing my best to let God minister to me in the way He knows I need it.   

I’m looking forward to the day when I can look back at this and see how He carried us through.  
He truly is good.  He truly is loving.  
He’s got our baby, and heaven looks brighter to me because of it.     

2012.  What a year. 

I think I can safely say this has been one of the biggest years of our lives.  I think I can also safely say, based on the happenings of 2012, that the biggest years are yet to come.

Our lives changed so dramatically in 2012 that it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of “January 2012 Kim”.

2012 was a year of God meeting us every step.  He spoke to us in 2011 that He has big plans for us and we just need to “keep walking” and He will make the way.  My heart is full of thankfulness for how our God kept His promises.  He met us, and He continues to meet us. 

On March 21, 2012 we welcomed Seth into our family forever.  The son of our hearts became our legal son.  What a day. I can not imagine our lives without our baby.  He is our joy, talking a mile a minute, loving trains, interested in big boy undies (Lord help us!)…our unexpected gift.  Sometimes I forget that Seth is adopted and when I’m reminded for some reason and stop at that moment to think about it I simply can not believe he didn’t grow in my belly.  He was meant for us in every single way.  He fits us like a glove and we fit him.  God met us in the hospital 2 years ago when we first met our baby, and He met us in the courtroom that precious day when He gave us our baby for keeps.  Thank you Jesus for our sweet boy.  Yay 2012!!!

April 2012 brought life changes in extreme measures.  April wins the trophy for my favorite month of 2012.  We spent the month in Ukraine and we will never ever be the same.  God met us there.  He met us in the moment we stepped off the plane and awkwardly made our way to our hostel with the help of random kind strangers.  He met us in the walls of Romaniv orphanage where our eyes met and we realized what we were created for.  He met us in the courtyard of the Lost Boys institution where we locked eyes and hearts with the boys whose lives grabbed our attention those many months before.  He met us in the moments of friendship and laughter with Ukrainian believers He placed in our path.  He gave us friends for life in Kiev, Zhitomir, Odessa, and Kremenchuk.  Every step we took along that journey was ordained by Him.  Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and your voice that guides our every step.  

The summer of 2012 brought the beautiful gift of friendship.  New friends invaded our hearts and for that, I weep with gratitude and a HUGE smile on my face.  We are loved by many, and for that, I can’t thank Him enough.  God answered so many prayers with friends this year.  He knows just what we need.  🙂

In September we sold off loads of our stuff.  God met us in that moment in a big way.  We had asked God to show us where we would live so we could save up money for Ukraine.  The night before our garage sale He sent our wonderful, generous friend Luke to offer his home to us for free.  We stepped.  He met us.  He is too good.  He is too faithful.  

October 2012 saw us moving in with Luke and securing renters for our house with a 5-year lease (HA!).  Again, He met us.  Again, overflowing faithfulness, overflowing goodness. 

December 2012.  From the inside looking out it’s hard to know what to say about this month.  We’ve experienced great personal loss and sadness this month and in some moments the sadness feels almost suffocating.  My heart aches and my soul hurts…but then I look back.  I recount what the Lord has done.  I see how He met us every step along this crazy roller coaster of a year.  Will He not meet us now?  The word He spoke to us at the end of 2011 is still the word for us today: “Keep walking and I will make the way”.  This unexpected turn in our path is not an exception to that word.  Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Look and see what the Lord has done!!  His promises remain and His goodness remains.  

Now we look forward to 2013.  My mind can’t even fathom the plans He has in store for this year.  I’m not even going to try and figure it out. 🙂  I’m just going to say “yes” to Him every day and see what comes of it.  When my heart wants to bury itself in sadness I lift up my eyes and remember this past year.  I look at my 4 babies and my beautiful husband, and my heart soars with gratitude for my God and His overflowing faithfulness and goodness.  

I trust you, Jesus.  Whatever you want to do with us this year- you do it.  We are yours and I mean that.  I mean it with every fiber of my being.  I don’t want to live for myself and my good ideas.  I don’t want to live the version of my life that seems right and comfy to me.  I want to be spent for You.  I’ll let You decide how that should look. 

So here’s to 2013!  May we live with our hope in Jesus and may we spend ourselves for Him.