Hi Friends!

I apologize for the spotty newsletter coverage over the past month. Things have been [more than a little] unusual for our family and it’s been difficult to gather our thoughts and send them out to you. But I hate leaving you hanging, so today I’ll give you an update and then hopefully we’ll be able to return to our regularly scheduled newsletters. 🙃

As I wrote in the blog last October, it’s gotten harder and harder over the years to parse out what to share with you when it comes to our family. Not the big, Wide Awake Family, but our Johnson family. This story all started with our adoption journey waaaaay back in 2011, but then over the past 12 years, only by the grace and power of God, has transformed into a story of redemption that involves a whole team, 2 organizations, our precious boys, and way too many animals. I’m aware that there are many of you that read about our work, pray for the work, and financially support the work but have never met Jed or me. To you, this isn’t the story of the Johnson Family, this is just Wide Awake. But I also know that there are many of you who have known us personally since the beginning, and the story of Wide Awake, to you, is intricately entwined with the story of our nuclear family. And for those of you who know us, or have “known us” through blogs for many years, I know you have some questions. “What is going on with Jed and Kim????” Today, I will attempt to answer those questions with as much openness as possible, while still maintaining the dignity of all involved.  

As many of you know, our story of orphan care and adoption didn’t begin in Ukraine. When we were still living in the US we were foster parents of medically fragile infants for several years. Our last foster baby, Seth, eventually became our son. We brought Seth home from the hospital as a newborn and the story of his adoption was just one miracle after another. God made it very clear back then that he wanted Seth to be a part of our family and moved mountains to make it happen. He was and is our precious baby whom we love fiercely. 

Seth is okay with me sharing his story, so I share today with his blessing, FYI. 
Our Seth was born addicted to methamphetamine and his road has not been an easy one. We moved to Ukraine when he was only 3 years old, so at that point we still didn’t really know how his would be affected by the methamphetamine, because three year olds are three year olds…if you know what I mean. 😆 He had his struggles, but seemed to be developing pretty typically. 

Once Seth hit school age his struggles became more apparent, and then as he has grown, his struggles have grown. The older and bigger he gets, the more his behaviors affect him and others around him. We tried many, many methods of helping him to be successful in Ukrainian school with very little success. The educational standards in Ukraine are extremely high and there is no formal special ed programs or support, so if you need additional help or need to learn in a different way, there is no real help to be found. So school was a huge stress, but then home life also became more and more difficult and unsustainable. I won’t share details, because it’s very personal to our family, but it came to a point last winter when we understood that the help Seth needed was not to be found in Ukraine. Believe you me, we tried EVERYTHING. We are used to beating down every door to find help for our boys, but for someone like Seth, true help is nowhere to be found. 

Last winter we made the truly agonizing decision that after our Christmas visit Seth needed to stay in the US for a season so we could find help and support for him, not only for his sake, but for the sake of the rest of the family. So Jed and Seth stayed in Oregon, we enrolled him in school and began to seek out help from doctors and from adoption support services. As I’m sure you can imagine, there are no “quick” answers. and finding the right supports for Seth and our family has been and is, a time-intensive endeavor. So, this summer we had to make the difficult decision to continue on with Seth in the US for at least another semester of school. I’m here with him now in Oregon, getting housing all set up, enrolling him in school, and getting other supports in place, while Jed is in Ukraine with our other kids. At the end of August we will trade places- Jed will be here with Seth and I  will return to the Homestead. 

These decisions have not been made lightly, but have been made with many tears and sleepless nights. We are legally bound to our boys in Ukraine and our entire life is there, on the Homestead with our team and boys. It is not possible for our entire Johnson family to relocate to the US and leave our boys in Ukraine. We are their guardians. At the same time, Seth needs help that can’t be found in Ukraine. So, what are we to do? The only thing to do is divide and conquer. 

Jed and I have grieved so much over these past months. We have grieved that our life has come to this: that we have to live on opposite sides of the world during a time of war. We have grieved the loss of our ideal of family life. We have cried over Seth and begged God to heal his heart and mind. We have felt loss like we could have never imagined, and like I can’t even begin to describe. 

When I came to the US with Seth three weeks ago I felt completely hopeless. I felt like the lowest of the low. I felt forgotten and forsaken by the Lord and completely alone in my grief. But this time away has been a bit of a balm to my soul. God has provided wonderful housing for us. He has allowed Seth to be enrolled in a high school where my friend works who has always loved Seth. He has brought professionals along to encourage me and validate our struggle. I have been reminded to be thankful that we have the opportunity and capability to travel with Seth to where help can be found. Yes, it is extremely hard for Jed and I to be separated, but God is sustaining us. When we moved to Ukraine we went there to take people with disabilities out of institutions. Now we have come to the US with Seth in order to keep him out of an institutional setting. He is our child, our baby, and he needs our love now like never before. God gave him to us, so we will say YES and move forward, one step in front of the other. 

In the meantime, our amazing team keeps the work going and flourishing in Ukraine. Jed and I take turns at the helm on the Homestead, but our crew there gets the work done with amazing dignity, love, and hope. All is well, the work goes on, and our boys are thriving. 

Please keep our family in your prayers when you remember us. And please pray for our Seth. Pray that nothing would stand in the way of him becoming the man he was created to be. Pray for healing in his mind and heart. 

Thank you so much for loving us and our boys. Thank you for standing with us through all the storms that have come our way. If you have any questions or concerns we are happy to talk, so go ahead and ask away. ❤️

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Kim 🇺🇦

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Baby Lia Update

Remember our sweet Lia who was born at 28 weeks? Nina and Ruslan, her parents, are on our team. I’m writing today to ask you to pray for our sweet baby. She has always struggled with feeding, but in recent weeks has become nearly impossible to feed. Nina has resorted to feeding her with syringe. Supports in our city are super minimal for a baby like Lia, so Nina feels she has to tackle this all on her own. She is frustrated, tired, and worried for her baby girl. 

Please pray for a wise, caring doctor to help Lia and for wisdom and patience for Nina and Ruslan. We love our little Lia so much and it hurts to watch her suffer. Please pray for complete wholeness for her little body. Thank you! 🥰

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New Property Renovation 💪

We recently purchased a neighboring house with land and need to renovate it to make it livable for our Ruslan and his house parents, Max and Lesya. 

Here’s the list of what needs to be done to get the house move-in ready:
– New sub-floor and flooring
– New roof and bedroom on the second floor
– Plumbing: water and sewer
– Electrical: wires, outlets, lighting
– Heating
– Interior walls
– Bathroom
– Kitchen
– Appliances
– Furniture 

The goal is $60,000 to get the family moved on to the homestead. 
If you would like to help build Ruslan’s home, please consider making a donation by clicking the link below.

Thank you for your partnership!

On the last Tuesday of every month, we have an all-team meeting here on the Homestead. In those meetings, we cover a variety of topics. Sometimes we talk about new policies or protocols for our work, maybe a new development in one of the boys or something to do with their health that everyone needs to know; we celebrate accomplishments and milestones, say goodbye to team members who are leaving, or welcome new members to our tribe. Sometimes we just eat together or pray together, or discuss one of our values of dignity, love, and hope. The monthly gatherings are an important time and our boys are always right there in the middle of them. Their presence makes each team meeting a lively and loud event. 😀 We always have to agree on one team member who will be in charge of keeping Yaroslav in line as he kind of resents when all the attention in the room is not directed at him. Sasha loves to sit in the middle of the group and sing loudly- especially when it’s a quiet, more serious moment. Anton usually paces the halls and Boris bounces unbelievably high on the cushions of the couch eagerly awaiting whatever treat he sees lying on the counter for afterwards. It’s a circus, Y’all.

Anywayssss, today at our meeting Jed asked Ruslan to pray to start us off. We were outside around the fire pit and Ruslan proceeded to thank God for each and every single person around the circle- by name. It was a sweet moment and it warmed my heart to remember just how many people know and love Ruslan. He was once alone and now has a whole crowd of people who know him well and treasure him and his life. All of our boys are surrounded by that love and I really believe that they feel it. We have watched them come alive in our love over the years they’ve lived with us. God has done so much healing of their hearts, minds, and bodies. Sure, there is much more healing needed, but look how far they’ve come! I believe that they know they are loved and I’m so glad for that. Man, how I dream of that for all of our friends still stuck in Romaniv. I wonder how they would blossom and change if they were surrounded by a big ol’ family of people dedicated to their well-being and growth? I bet they would become almost unrecognizable- like our boys. I hope I get to see that in my lifetime.

While Ruslan was praying I was reminded of a question that was asked quite a long time ago that I never answered (sorry Katie!!!!). Katie asked about the boys’ spiritual lives. She wondered if they pray, if they go to church with us, and what level of spiritual understanding they have. Great question! Some aspects are difficult for me to answer, just because most of our boys are not verbal, but I can tell you what I know and what I see.

All of us house parents attend the same church in town and all of the boys attend church with us regularly. It has been quite a journey with our church body here. Whew. It has been a long journey of acceptance and growth. We have miles to go, but I feel like we’re in a fairly decent place right now. Almost all of our team members also attend the church and many of our volunteers also attend, so there are always many people present at church on Sundays who know and love our boys. The boys have learned over the years when they can “sing” and when they need to sit quietly. They mostly do really well at the whole Sunday service thing. Ruslan loves to sit in the very front row and sing his lungs out. He’s so loud! It’s amazing. Vova isn’t verbal, but he also “sings” a lot and quite loudly during the worship time. Yarik too! I love hearing their voices when everyone is singing together. I’m always struck by the miracle of having them there with us. It never ever gets old. The boys’ behavior during the preaching is hit or miss, but for the most part, they are fine. Everyone is used to them and their unique noises. The boys have grown a lot in their patience during the preaching time! Ruslan, Boris, and Yaroslav really, really seem to love going to church. For Yarik, it is definitely the highlight of his weekend and he starts to ask for it at least on Friday. He asks for it by holding his hand up to his mouth like a microphone and saying “Ah ya ya??” in a very specific tone. He loves it. Anton likes going to church because he knows he’ll get coffee afterward, Sasha doesn’t seem to care either way, and Vova is just happy to be anywhere with anyone. He is the happiest, smiliest ever. Remember when he used to bite everyone? Ha! Risperidone is a gift from God is all I have to say about that. But really, Vova does seem to enjoy the music at church quite a lot.

Every day, Monday through Friday, the boys have worship time together with the assistants at the duplex. That involves music either with a guitar or on YouTube. All our boys love music. Anton, specifically, is very sensitive to music. Sometimes a certain worship song will just hit him and you’ll see him sitting in his chair listening, with tears streaming down his face. It’s the sweetest thing. I think in those moments the Holy Spirit is just touching his heart and bringing healing. It’s beautiful.

We can’t know what the boys understand about God or what they know of him, but it does seem clear that they each have their own special relationship with him. Ruslan is the only one of our boys here who can speak in small sentences and really express his thoughts or feelings in a clear way. For sure our boys express many emotions all the time, but we have to interpret their meaning in the best way we know how. Ruslan is really the only one who can tell us sometimes what he is feeling or thinking about. Well, Yarik can do a bit of that too with gestures and minimal words, but to a lesser degree than Ruslan. With Anton, Vova, Sasha, and Boris we really have to look at body language, facial expressions, and behaviors to understand what might be happening inside their bodies and minds. But they all, except maybe Sasha, who is so much in his own world for so much of the time, seem to really respond to times of prayer, times of worship, and times of turning our attention to the things of God.

I’ve told this story before, but I think it’s relevant to share it again. When we first adopted Vlad (almost 9 years ago!) we took him to the US with us for several months to get him some medical care that he couldn’t get here. We took him to church with us and he enjoyed it, but we had no idea how much he understood about what was going on or about the things of God. He was fresh from the institution and wasn’t super verbal. He could talk in small, almost unintelligible sentences and acted like a little wild animal much of the time. Gosh, it’s amazing to think of how much he has changed!!! Anyway, the first time communion was served at church Vlad perked up because he was completely obsessed with food. Crackers? Juice? Yes, please! 😂 I didn’t want him to feel left out so I tried to explain as simply as I could what we were doing and what it meant. I told him “Vlad, we are drinking this juice and eating this cracker so we remember that Jesus died for us and that he loves us. Vlad, God loves you so much!” He quickly replied, with tears in his eyes (and Vlad NEVER cries), “I know. I know God loves me.”

I was blown away in that moment. How in the world did that child who had been abandoned at birth, then lived for 15 years in hell on earth; that child who had known neglect and abuse that most of us could never even fathom- how did he know that God loved him? How? It became clear to me that we have no idea how God reveals himself to our boys and others like them. Psalm 68:5-6 says “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing…” When we started going to Romaniv back in the day those verses confounded me. How was God being a father to those abandoned boys? How was he caring for them? I just didn’t see it and was super confused about how to think about that promise of God. But then in that moment with Vlad, I realized that God was meeting with Vlad before we ever met him. God was fathering him in unseen ways and revealing himself to Vlad over the years. God was comforting him and defending his heart when he was abandoned by the world. It’s the only way Vlad could have known that God loved him. There’s just no other explanation. Several months ago Vlad got baptized at the church in the US he attends with my parents and we were able to watch it on the live stream. Vlad wanted to get baptized and the pastor spoke with him about it ahead of time to make sure he understood what it meant. When we watched the video it was obvious that Vlad met with God when he was baptized. He actually “whooped “with joy when he came up out of the water!

Our other boys seem to know God in a special way, like Vlad does. I see it in them and I’m thankful for it. We often tell them about God’s love for them. We pray for them and with them. They minister to us as we minister to them. The body of Christ is alive and well here on the Homestead. Praise God for that. ❤️

Yesterday we had the most amazing opportunity to witness the birth of our new foal! Gloria, one of our horses who we unexpectedly found out was already pregnant when we purchased her in October, gave birth to a sweet baby boy. New life never ceases to amaze me. It was an incredible day!

We always assumed that Gloria would give birth during the night or in the very early hours. And since we didn’t even know she was pregnant for most of the pregnancy, we didn’t know exactly when to expect the new arrival. Every morning I would look out my bedroom window to see if Gloria was waiting for her breakfast at the fence. If she was ever absent in those morning hours I would eagerly check to see if we had a baby. But…she decided to do it right smack in the middle of the day…and in the middle of the mud!

Jed and I were inside clipping our weiner dog’s nails (I promise we don’t only take care of animals here…😆) when Tonya, one of our team members ran into the house screaming our names. My heart about stopped- something terrible must have happened! We ran down the stairs “What? What happened?” “She’s giving birth!!!!!!” “Who?” (We also have a pregnant goat) “Gloria!!! Come quick!” Apparently, a neighbor was walking past our back fence on her way home from the little village store, saw a horse in the middle of the birthing process, and began screaming her lungs out to get someone’s attention. Tonya heard and we all started running to the barn. It was quite dramatic. 😁 We arrived on the scene to see a freshly born foal lying in the mud, still partially in the amniotic sac! Its legs were stuck in the sack so Jed pulled it away and then we all just watched Gloria and her mothering instincts take over. Ahhhhh it was so beautiful and special. We got to see our new colt stand for the first time on his stick-skinny, looooooooong legs, we saw how Gloria guided him to learn to nurse, and how she protected him from the curiosity of the other horses. All of us who live with the boys here on the Homestead just stayed with them for hours, watching the new life unfold. So much fun. Dajana, our resident “horse person”, is actually in Germany right now and was so upset to miss the birth! We were sending videos, Facetiming, and wishing so badly that she was with us on the special day. We miss you, Dajana!

Once we established that he is actually a “he”, we started the name convo. We hadn’t discussed names at all and I’ll tell you what, two Ukrainians, a German, and a few Americans all agreeing on a name is a great “experience” in honesty, team building, compromise, and kindness… and is about as easy as herding cats. Ha! We had to agree on a name that sounds good in all three languages (German, Ukrainian, and English) and with all three accents. In the end, at 11:00pm, we decided to use rank-order voting in order to make a fair choice. Thankfully, Christiana was once a voting official and was able to guide us through the process. 😂 We each submitted two name ideas and then we each ranked them according to our likes and dislikes. For your amusement, here is the list of names we were voting on:

The List (in no particular order)

1. Ryan Gosling
2. Horse Named Sioux (inspired by the Johnny Cash song “A Boy Named Sue”)
3. Bjorn
4. Johnny Cash
5. Marty
6. Kev
7. Uhtred
8. Josh of the Woods (inspired by our board chairman and US Director of Operations- Josh Woods)
9. Carl
10. Keanu Reaves
11. Clint
12. Woody
13. Seastar
14. Chandler
15. Johnny Go Lightly

And the winning name is….”Horse Named Sioux”!! He will affectionately be referred to as “Horse”. We think it’s absolutely hilarious that that name won. But, in a country where English is not the commonly spoken language, it’s actually quite cute and funny to hear Ukrainians calling him “Horse”. I love it so much. It makes me laugh.

Anyway, we wanted to introduce you to our sweet Horse, the newest member of the Wide Awake Family. He is already and will be well-loved. Welcome to the world, Horse Named Sioux! ❤️

Here is a beautiful intro from our team’s Instagram

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A post shared by [ΔᎥм]ГᎥдностᎥ | Dignity Home (@dim_hidnosti_ukraine)

Last week Ruslan and Jed returned home to us at long, long last. Oh, the sweet relief and joy of having them safe and sound, back in our arms. Annnnnnd they brought home with them our dear Christiana! Christiana is a friend of ours and of Wide Awake/Dim Hidnosti for many years. Her dream (and ours) was that once she finished grad school she would come spend a longer period of time here with us as a house parent, living with the boys. At long last, she finished and now she is here! It still doesn’t feel quite real that she’ll be with us for a full two years. I think we all feel a bit of the “pinch me” feelings. 🙂

Now that Jed is home and Christiana is here we really do have what we have always dreamed of. We have our boys living in our beautiful homes and we have amazing house parents living with them, building family. And a huge bonus is that all of us living here on the Homestead truly love and like each other! What we have is something special and right now I’m really feelin’ all the feels about it.

Dajana and Christiana love the boys and are feeling inspired to finally make Side A of the duplex a real home. Just in time for the coziness of the holidays, too! Dajana has such a calm, intuitive way with the boys that you would never know this work was absolutely, completely new to her just a few short months ago. She’s a natural and I’m pretty sure she’s happily surprised by that. 🙂 Christiana is new to us but is already thoughtfully considering how she can create meaningful time with the boys in the evenings when it’s family time. I love that! Oleg and Masha have done a really great job of making Side B into a true home for Anton and Sasha. They are dream house parents and are an example to us all of how to live life not just physically “with” the boys, but to really and truly live with them. To invite them into family, to look at them as equals, and to consider their wants and desires as humans in this world. I, for one, am inspired by them all the time.

What we have together here on the Homestead is a living, breathing, loving community and I feel so honored to be a part of it. Masha recently wrote her thoughts about community life on our team’s Instagram and Facebook pages and what she wrote was so beautiful it made me a little teary. Here’s the translation (Just a reminder, “Dim Hidnosti” translated “Dignity Home” or “House of Dignity” is the Ukrainian arm of Wide Awake. It is the name of Wide Awake’s work that is done here in Ukraine, simply because “Wide Awake” doesn’t translate well into Ukrainian) :

Life in Community
“In this era of individualism, people have begun to lose their sense of community and interdependence with others❌. In a society where no one owes anyone anything, unfortunately, there is very little room left for creating a community where all move in the same direction.

But do people need community now?
As we have already verified over the past year and a half – community, for us, is a huge driving force💪! Without community in various forms of its existence, it would not be possible to achieve goals for the benefit of society. Therefore, the development of local communities right now is very important for the further development of our country.

In a society where ‘no one owes anyone anything’, deinstitutionalization, saving children and adults from institutions, would not be possible. If ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’, then the innocent suffer. People remain defenseless at the hands of the institutional system and there is no one to help them 💔. Would we want such a fate for ourselves, our children, our relatives? Then why should others be condemned to loneliness and a life without a family? We cannot choose to exist only for ourselves – we simply do not have the right to do so while there is such injustice in the world. We must act, join local communities that are already helping people, or create them ourselves 🙌🏻

Would it be possible for the ‘House of Dignity’ (Dim Hidnosti) to exist without community? We can say with confidence: NO. Only in community and unity is it possible to achieve the goal we have set for ourselves – to give dignity, hope, and love to people with disabilities ❤️‍🩹.
The community of Dim Hidnosti is protection, support, and family for the men with disabilities who live with us. Moreover, we are their only family forever.

Community is a calling. Not every person can choose such a life for himself, because it requires full disclosure of your personality to other members of the community 🫣. To see imperfection in yourself and others and to have the courage to forgive, recover, recognize your right to make mistakes, and give this right to others 🤝….
We appear before everyone as we are, without decorations – and there is always a risk of not being accepted or being rejected. But, is it worth taking the risk and finding out what community acceptance and love can be like and how lifelong friendships can realize and fulfill dreams? 🙌🏻

Dim Hidnosti is a place of restoration and healing, not only for our boys but also for those of us who have dedicated our lives to them.
This healing and restoration is possible when every member of our community gives their heart to the work.
We are grateful for every person who has been with us, who is with us now, and who will come to Dim Hidnosti because each has given a part of their life and heart to our boys and this community ❤️.”

The longer I am a part of this community/family God has brought together the more beautiful it becomes and the more thankful I become. Is it always an easy life, living in close community where your actions affect everyone and their actions affect you? Heck no! Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it’s tiring. Sometimes it’s disappointing. But is it worth it? Yes, a thousand times yes. I wouldn’t give up the gift of my Dim Hidnosti family for all the world. They are God’s gift to me and there is nowhere else I would rather be.

Please don’t live life alone. Seek out community. Open your eyes, your heart, your arms, your home. I am certain there is someone who needs what you have to give and your life will be so much richer for having given. We were not meant to walk this life alone. Life together is so much more beautiful.

Making our garden accessible, and fun moments from the past couple of weeks ❤️

For everyone following the journey, we’ve done a lot of building during the last 6 years. Jed gives a tour of the new barn, cargo bikes, walkways, and his best attempt at keeping the chicken eggs clean. Enjoy.

www.wideawakeinternational.org

Here’s a little tour of the Wide Awake/Dim Hidnosti property for you. ☺️ I think it helps to see the bigger picture of the Homestead and how it has changed and developed over the years. Plus, exciting new developments are underway! 👏👏
PS: Sorry my voice sounds annoying and Jed’s is so quiet. I’d redo it, except it’s raining…so…no. 😆