On the eve of tomorrow’s presidential elections here in Ukraine, there is much that could be said.  Things are getting more and more crazy in the East.  I can’t even keep up with the news properly.  People on both sides of the conflict are dying and no one knows what will happen next.  Please join us in prayer for tomorrow’s elections!  Pray that people would not be hindered from voting.  Pray that there would be loads of courage and wisdom on each person who decides to make their voice heard.  Pray for honesty and that corruption would be far away from these proceedings.  That almost seems impossible, but we are praying it anyway.  God is doing a new thing here and we choose hope.  

Let’s chat.  Let’s pretend you and I are sitting down for a nice, hot cup of coffee and you just asked me, “So, what have you guys been up to?”

We’ve been great!  I’m so glad it’s almost summer break.  One more week of school and we’re done!!!  Addy and Ezra had testing last week in reading, writing, and math and they both did fine on all the tests.  Yay!  They both recited poems in their class program and did awesome. FIVE MORE DAYS!!!!!  Good thing too, because it’s really hard to think about school when it’s 80 degrees with blue skies, and all the neighbor kids get to stay out playing till after 9:00 every night.  🙂

Speaking of neighbor kids, we have a couple that have started to come over faithfully to invite the kids to come outside and play!  They are sweet little girls who are both 11, and they really enjoy playing with the kids.  They usually bring an assortment of siblings and other tag-alongs with them.  One day they were so desperate to communicate that one of them actually ran inside her apartment and came out with an English-Russian dictionary!  Thank you Jesus for fun kids to run around with.

The little girls made our kids this picture as a gift. Notice the bottom, “Set, Hava, Ezra, and HARRY” Hahahahahaha!!!! Looks like Addy’s got a new nickname!

So, in case you didn’t know, Ukrainians have a thing for hedgehogs.  Everyone loves hedgehogs here.  You can find candy named after hedgehogs; they are a super common theme in kids’ books; many families have stuffed animal hedgehogs in their houses, and the kids have homework that involves hedgehogs at least once a week.  I love it!  I don’t get it, but I enjoy it.  Well, a couple nights ago there was a hedgehog on our street!  I’d never seen a real one before!  Coooool.  One of the neighbors lightly kicked it until it rolled into a ball and then he picked it up. I’ve got to admit, I’m becoming a fan!

We had our second Youth Night at MTU last week.  It was karaoke night and we all had a blast.  We got to be outside, we ate food, chatted, sang, laughed, and bowled.  So many smiles…I am absolutely in love with Youth Night.

Jed even pulled out the air guitar. Intense.

Last week classes at MTU ended for the school year.  Now we enter the summer schedule, which is shaping up to be pretty stinking fun.  I’ll do a post about that later.  Over the past couple of months, my friend Tanya and I had the best time meeting with some of the moms whose kids are served at MTU.  Normally while the kids are in classes, the moms meet with Olya, a staff member of MTU.  They chat, pray, and study the Bible.  Olya is pretty busy, so Tanya and I took a couple of her groups and have met with them several times.  We had such fun!!  We drank tea, prayed, chatted…I absolutely loved getting to know some of the moms of the children and youth we serve.  These are some awesome, strong, brave, and loving women.  I adore them!

Mommies and Me

Today was such a fun day here in Zhytomyr!!  They hung up a record-breaking, HUGE HUGE HUGE Ukrainian flag on a building in our city center.  There was a big gathering today at the flag to hear from some important people in the city, to hear some beautiful music, to sing the National Anthem, and basically just to show support and love for this wonderful country.  Many, many people were dressed in traditional clothing, there were flags everywhere…it was AWESOME.  I was so thankful we got to be there to participate!  Zhytomyr, as a city, has honestly been a bit sleepy when it comes to all that has been happening these past few months.  But now, a few days after the attack and deaths of some of our own Zhytomyr soldiers who were fighting in the east, Zhytomyr is sleeping no more.

The view from the other side of the city center. Massive!!!

University students in traditional dress marched and chanted in the streets.

Johnson kiddos feelin’ the love…

Our dear friend Olya helping Havalah in the sidewalk chalk competition. Kids were supposed to draw something to symbolize their love for Ukraine.

Addy, hard at work. Her writing says “I love Ukraine” -in Ukrainian! Nice job sis!

Showing our flowery support with traditional hairbands 🙂

Some of our favorite people: Oksana, Nastya, Tolik, Victor, Katya,Olya, Oleg, Tanya, and baby Zakhar. (Seth was sooooo done. Haha)

Thank you for loving the Ukrainian people alongside us.  May God have His way and may many hearts be turned to Him during this time.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:20, 21

In ten days we’ll have been in Ukraine for six months.  Crazy.  On one hand it feels like “Where did the time go?”, but mostly it feels like a whole lot longer than that.  I don’t say that in a negative way, just in an honest way.  Every thing has changed.  Everything.  In Ezra’s words, “Everything about Ukraine is different…except McDonalds.”  It feels like a very long time since we and our 12 suitcases (TWELVE!!!) crossed the ocean. It feels like much more than 6 months ago.

In many ways, I feel great right now.  I feel like we’re in our groove with MTU.  We are loved there and we love many people there.  We have a bit of a schedule there and are able to be a very practical help to them.  Of course, the work at Romaniv is AWESOME and we are loving that.  We are pretty good at shopping now, we know the bus routes, and we were able to actually communicate with our landlady last week without calling any English speakers for help.  In some ways, we have really grown and feel at home here.

In other ways, we struggle.  I won’t speak for Jed about his struggles, but I thought I would share a bit of my own.  I think I have a tendency to always write about the good and neglect sharing about the bad or the difficult.  I don’t want to be a complainer, and sharing your struggles is really putting yourself out there.  Not many people enjoy doing that…but I feel like I need to do it.  It’s not a fair picture to only paint the good.  This is real life, and I’m determined to be a real person.  So, here ya go.

The past few weeks were hard for me, probably the hardest yet.  Things are getting better now, but it was a bit rough, internally.  Let’s just say I’m having a harder time letting go than I had anticipated.  My Mommy heart has been struggling in big ways.

Of course, when we were preparing to move here I anticipated that I would experience loneliness and isolation.  I knew I would miss my family and friends, my church, and the familiarity of everyday life.  I do miss all those things, but I can deal.  I know that I know I’m exactly where God wants me to be.  I am learning that He is enough, and He continues to give me the strength to say yes.

I guess what I didn’t anticipate was how difficult this road would be as a mother.  Really, how could I anticipate it?  I had no one to talk to who had followed this path before, and anyone with a bit of a similar situation experienced their story in a different culture than this.  I still have no one to talk to who has walked this road before in Ukraine.  But, I’m learning to be okay with that.

The thing is, I’ve been subconsciously trying to recreate my childhood, a middle-class American childhood, in Ukraine.  Ummmmm yeah….not gonna work.   I KNOW THAT.  I know we don’t live in suburban America.  I know that EVERYTHING is different (I said that already).  But knowing that, and living that are two different things.

I’m just now learning how much of my mothering expectations and family expectations are based on American culture.  It’s all I know!  Of course, I expect what I know.  I don’t know anything different.  I don’t know how to mother my children in this place.  Jed and I chose to come here.  Our children didn’t get a choice.  I don’t know what to do when they’re on the playground and they are surrounded by children they can’t speak to.  Do I push them to go try to make friends or do I let them just be their own little island, playing only with each other?  I don’t know what to do when my Hava comes up to me crying at a picnic full of kids because she has no friends and no one will play with her.  I don’t know how to continue to build their English reading and writing skills when they are in Ukrainian school.  Ezra was just really learning how to read and write in English, and now his day is spent reading and writing a language he doesn’t understand.  What do I do with that?  I’m not sure any of my favorite homeschool books cover that scenario.

Everyone says,

“The kids will be fine!”

“Kids don’t need language to play!  Just put them out on the playground and they’ll make friends in no time!”

“Kids learn language so fast.  Before you know it your kids will be translating for you!”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard those words…

Let me tell you, it’s not as easy as all that.  It just plain isn’t.  Maybe in some cultures, kids don’t need language to make new friends, but in this culture they do.  This isn’t the most open culture.  Kids are shy.  Kids are more closed.  We are the oddity in our town.  We are like a walking zoo.  Ha!  There is no one like us that I know of in our town, and it shows.  Our kids are understanding more all the time, but they can barely speak to other children.  I know, I know, it’s only been 6 months, but I can vouch that 6 months feels like an eternity when your kids’ hearts are involved.  It’s just plain hard, and for the past few weeks, I’ve felt tired and discouraged.

I want my kids to be able to talk to other kids, just chat and goof around.  I want other kids to know them.  They are great little people, but no one knows that because they can’t speak.  I want them to have friends and to be able to respond when approached by other children.

I want those things, but then I wonder, how many of my expectations are based on modern American culture, and how many are really essential for their health and happiness?

The kids are happy.  Sure they are awkward in social situations, but otherwise they are happy.  They have each other and they love each other deeply.  They are happy to run and play together, regardless of what other kids around them are doing.  They are like a little tribe, oblivious to anyone else.  So I find that I’m putting expectations on their childhood that they don’t even have for themselves!  They don’t know what my childhood was, so they don’t have that expectation of their own.  They don’t see other kids’ lives on Facebook and compare them with their own.  What they are experiencing now is their own childhood, and it is shaping them just as my childhood shaped me.

For instance, right now we’re reading through the Little House on the Prairie books as a family.  In Little House in the Big Woods, I was struck by how infrequently Mary and Laura had contact with other children.  They were mostly just home with Ma and Pa, yet according to the books they were as content as can be!  They weren’t pining away for sleepovers and play dates…the Big Woods was what they knew and it was enough.  When they drove into town for the first time Laura described how they saw children playing outside the houses.  Never was it mentioned how she wished she was one of those children with tons of neighbors all around.  They had the security of their family.  They knew they were loved.  They had each other and they were content.

My children don’t pine away for sleepovers and play dates and homeschool co-op, but I find myself pining away on their behalf.  I guess it’s because I know that’s what their American friends are doing and I feel they are missing out on what “should be”.  In my mind, those things are what make a childhood.  BUT, there are plenty of varieties of “happy childhood”.  Of course, they miss their friends, and if given the option they would love to be a part of that life again, but they rarely talk about it.  Their life is here.  They have each other.  They have our love.  Their life is rich here and most of the time they seem content.  But then there is the occasional Skype or Facetime with a friend back in the US and things begin to unravel.  I want them to be able to keep those friendships, but it is hard on their little hearts.  Sigh….I think that’s another topic altogether.

Those are the thoughts and ramblings that have been tearing at my heart.  My heart knows that my children were called here.  My heart knows that they need to live here and this needs to be their life experience in order for God to make them fully who He intends for them to be.  But knowing all of that doesn’t make this easy.  It’s hard to watch your children struggle.  It’s hard when everyone blows it off and makes it sound like all of this adjustment will come easily to them.  Maybe in the long run we’ll look back and see that the struggle was brief and it did, in fact, come easily, but in the meantime, it doesn’t feel easy at all.  Just because a pregnant woman had a quick labor doesn’t mean the labor didn’t hurt.

So, I continue to work at letting go.  I give my kids over to God and trust that He knows what is best for them.  I trust that He will give us wisdom when no parenting or mothering book seems to apply (because none of them seem at all relevant right now).  I trust that this will get easier and slowly they will find their place in this culture.

Most of all I am working at letting go of my priorities and desperately seeking God’s priorities.  Who cares about sleepovers and play dates if their little hearts are far from the Lord?  This world is not all that there is.  We were made for eternity!  This life is a blink of an eye compared to what we were really created for.  Our main job as parents is not to find our kids more friends on the playground or ensure they are happy and accepted at school.  Our main job is to point them to Jesus.  I want my kids to see that He is all that matters and that living abandoned to him is worth it.  It.is.worth.it.  On the hard days when we are lonely and feel like we don’t fit anywhere- He is worth it.   I want to end my race having absolutely spent myself- holding nothing back.  I want that for my children.

The American dream is not what I was created for.  I was created for Him.  Our children were created for Him.  He is the priority.  May I never forget it.  May I let go of myself and my wants and cling to Him.  May our children live lives of YES.  Isn’t that what truly matters?  I’ve learned from experience that saying YES to Him brings the greatest happiness EVER.  That is the variety of happy childhood I want for my babies.  I just need a reminder of that every day or so.  🙂

Today was so full!  Full of funny moments, full of awholelotta walking, and full of joy.

Here’s just a few moments of note.

1.  Addy and Ezra’s class went on a trip to the local puppet theater today.  We found out just yesterday that kids who wanted to, could go today.  I wondered why we always find these things out at the very last moment.  Then…aha!  I discovered an announcement board outside their classroom!  Yes, I know, it’s been there all along…but when all you see everyday is walls filled with things you don’t understand, it’s hard to know what to pay attention to and really try to decipher, and what isn’t worth your time.  I don’t often have the desire to stand in the school halls with Google Translate at my side, so I usually go with the “if it’s really important they’ll tell me” route.  No more!  I will now be vigilantly watching for new notes on the announcement board.  No more surprise field trips for the Johnson fam!  We will now be well-informed members of society.  (Here’s to hoping at least)

The wonders you can find on this “Announcement Board”! Look, a spelling word list! Hmmmm I wonder how many of these we’ve missed. Oops.

2.  When I dropped the kids at school this morning their teacher asked me if I wanted to come along on the field trip.  Sure, why not?  She mentioned it was quite a long walk, but if I thought the Littles would be up for it they could come too.  Well, Jed was in Kyiv today, so if I wanted to be there then the Littles would have to buck up and hike along with us.

I gave Hava and Seth a pep talk about being strong, not crying and whining when we go on the long walk….blah blah blah…”If we whine and cry then Teacher probably won’t invite us on another trip, right?”

I’m happy to report that they did great on the walk.  🙂  It was about a mile walk from the school to the theater.  It was HILARIOUS to be a fly on the wall with Addy’s and Ez’s class.  It’s also funny to learn all the in’s and out’s of school here.  Like, for field trips, there are no permission slips, no planning which parents will drive, and no parents at all!  Their brave teacher just confidently lined up boys in one line and girls in another and headed out on the walk with all of her students.  Along busy streets, and across crosswalks, she walked in the front, trusting the kids would follow.  When school classes cross streets they hold up a red flag so cars will stop.  One kid in the front of the line holds a flag, a kid at the back of the line holds a flag, and the teacher holds a flag.  When crossing a street she just walks on out there, risking life and limb 😉 and stands in the middle of the street for her class to cross. They do this every day when they walk from one building to another for lunch.  Today I got to see it in action.  I tell ya, that teacher is one brave woman.  One woman, taking a whole class on a mile walk through town to a field trip and back.  She totally rocks it.  I wasn’t a ton of help since I had Havalah and Seth, but I tried to keep the stragglers from straggling too far behind.

3.  I’m a “smeller”.  Smell means a lot to me.  How things smell really matters, I can’t overlook a bad smell with much grace at all.  It’s a struggle.  But, being a “smeller” can also bring a lot of joy!  Good smells make me so happy!  Anyway, I do have a purpose for telling you that.  While walking back to the school today I had such a strange moment.  I smelled a very beloved smell.  I smelled “Mission Trip” smell.

All throughout my teen years I went on mission trips.  I traveled all over the world during high school and college.  God put the world in my heart and I just had to go.  There’s a certain smell I remember from mission trips that I’ve never smelled in the US.  It’s a smell you smell when you’re walking on a city street.  I don’t know what all it entails, but it’s a mixture of gasoline, tires, foreign food cooking…and I don’t know what else.  I love that smell.  To me, that smell means Jesus.  It means being Jesus to the people He’s called you to.  It means going out of your comfort zone and giving your all for His sake.  It means loving people that you don’t understand and doing things you don’t understand, simply because Jesus said to, and it is what you were created for.

Today I smelled that smell.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I looked around and saw my children walking ahead of me in a line with their class.  I heard the buzzing of Ukrainian/Russian swirling around my ears.  For a moment I thought “Oh my word.  This is really happening.  This is my life.  I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE THIS.”  I was overcome with thankfulness, and completely humbled.  All my life I dreamed of this and now it’s happening. May I never, ever forget what a joy it is to serve Christ in this way.  The last couple of weeks have been hard for me, personally.  My heart needed that smell to remember its purpose.  🙂

4.  Jed got to spend the day in Kyiv with some boys from Romaniv!  MTU took some of the highest functioning boys to see a dolphin show.  Jed got to go along and he had a great time.  I’ll let him tell you about that at another time.  I just have to share a sweet moment that happened on their way home.

Jed texted me as I was cooking dinner and let me know the boys’ bus was stopping at MTU on the way back to Romaniv so the boys could use the bathroom and volunteers could go home.  He asked if I wanted to come say hi.  YES YES YES!!!!!  I hurried the kids to put on their shoes, paused the dinner-making, and flew out the door.

On their way to the Dolphins!

Oh.My.Word.  Dream come true.  Watching my own kiddos meet some of “Our Boys” was so, so sweet.  The Boys were so curious and kind.  They attempted the kids’ names and shook all their hands.  Valera, our “helper”  (highest functioning boy) in the Isolation Room was there and I was so happy for the kids to meet him!!!  We talk about him all the time.  I feel like “The Boys” have been like some big mystery to our kids.  Now they have faces for some of the names.  Now they see they are real people.  Ezra and Havalah were pretty shy. Seth was curious.  Addy was smitten.  Her eyes were glowing.  It was like a celebrity sighting! As soon as we walked out of the building to head home she said “Mom!  When do I get to start helping at Romaniv???” Soon I hope.  🙂

McDonalds in Kyiv, complete with balloons!

So, that was today.  There were other small funny moments too, like when I walked into gymnastics to pick up Addy and one mom that I see all the time finally blurted out “Why did you come to Zhytomyr??”  Hahaha!  Like it’s been bugging her all this time and she finally just had to ask.  Hilarious.  Or when the kids were getting ready for bed and Hava and Seth tricked me.  They acted like they had their jammies on, but then on the count of 3 pulled back their covers to nakey little bodies.  Oh they laughed so hard!  Meanwhile Addy died laughing as Ezra screamed over and over at the top of his lungs, “Слава Україні!  Слава Україні!”  (“Glory to Ukraine!  Glory to Ukraine!”)

Is this life for real?

Spring has sprung!

We’ve had some sun, along with some spring showers.  Overall, I have to say it rains so much less here than in Salem.  Before we moved we heard Zhytomyr was super rainy city.  Ummmm no.  No, it’s not.  I can’t remember where we heard that, but the source needs to spend a winter in Salem to truly understand “super rainy”.  I love you Salem, but I don’t love your rain.

The spring showers are much more “interesting” when you live without a car!  Addy and I got D-R-E-N-C-H-E-D yesterday afternoon on the way home from gymnastics.  Hilariously wet.  I do have to say, that was a magical moment that I won’t forget.  Addy and I, laughing our heads off as we ran down the street in the pouring rain…

Today was the first day the Littles and I walked to get the Big Kids from school without any jackets on at all.  Woohoo!  Had we been in Oregon we would have done without jackets several times before this, but, believe it or not, we do our very best to try not to stick out like sore thumbs around here.  In order to blend in (at least a bit…and that only works if we aren’t speaking) it’s in our best interest to wear a jacket at all times.  But, today I just couldn’t do it!  I needed to feel the sunshine on my skin.  The Littles begged to go without jackets and I caved.  Of course, the first words out of Addy and Ezra’s teacher were “You’re not cold?”  Ha!  If she only knew my hot-blooded genetics she would never ask again.  🙂

I usually feel like my blog posts have to have a “theme”.  I think that’s due to the fact that I’m a bit of a control freak and I like things wrapped up nicely into little packages of order.  Well, I’m learning that often times my need for having a “theme” or certain topic to write about keeps me from just talking about normal life.  Annnd people tell me they want to hear more about normal life, so I’m going to try my best to break the habit of needing a theme.  (See, like this post!  It’s so random…not theme-like at all…look at me!)

We went to Kyiv for Easter so we could be with our Vineyard friends.  It was a great weekend with people we love, but hard too.  We really missed our family and church family.  It was a fun time, it just didn’t feel at all like Easter.  I think next year when I have my head on a little straighter, I’ll try to incorporate more of our US Easter traditions into our Easter here.  I think we would all really benefit from it- not just the kids.  I think Jed and I are both still kind of processing all our feelings from this weekend.  I’m trying to learn to grieve properly, and not just push feelings aside.  I’m learning that grief isn’t a bad thing- or a “lack of faith” thing.  Grief is a real thing that needs to be worked through properly.  Sigh…more on that at a later date.

Tomorrow Jed gets to go to Kyiv with a bunch of other volunteers and MTU staff.  They’re taking some of the older boys from Romaniv to see dolphins!  FIELD TRIP!!!  I can’t even imagine how much fun that will be.  I don’t know if it’s like an aquarium-type deal or a dolphin show…we just know it’s “dolphins”.  These are not boys from our Isolation Room, but some of the higher-functioning boys.  Each boy gets a volunteer buddy while they are out and about.  Seriously?  I can’t stand it.  That is going to be amazing.  I’m kinda, sorta, a lot jealous.  😉

Welp, I guess that just about does it.  I had a super deep, share-my -heart-post planned for today, but I decided not to go there.  I’m a little tired and I was afraid that would cause some emotional “spewage”.  Hehe.  I still want to share, but I think I’ll wait for another day.

I hope you all had a fantastic Easter weekend!