I’ve been a bit absent in this space over the past several weeks. I blame Christiana. 🙂 Our friend, Christiana, has been here for the past several weeks, and since I have her nearby to verbally process with, I feel less of a need to process here. Ha! You all didn’t realize you were my sounding board…or maybe you did. I’m an external processor, so I either need to talk out my thoughts or in absence of an English-speaking friend, write them out. So, I told Christiana I blame her for my lack of writing inspiration. Hehe. How’s that for throwing a friend under the bus?

Lately, the main thing that’s been ringing around in my brain has been my kids. I’m a mom of many, so obviously, mothering takes up the majority of my time and attention. As my kids move into different stages they need more or less of that time and attention, and right now it seems every one of them needs more. It’s a season where I’m seeing a lot of things that need to change and realizing that I need more support than I currently have in order to make those changes. So, it’s been a bit of a stretching season of mothering.

I think I’ve written about it here before, but parenting in our situation feels like parenting in a black hole. We have no peers around to talk with, bounce ideas off of, to watch and learn from. Jed and I feel pretty much alone in this whole parenting gig. The majority of our kids’ closest friends are from here in our village, and those parents are mostly absent. I have no idea what is going on in their homes, and they spend most of their time here in our home or in our yard. That makes things easier for me since I mostly always know where my kids are! 🙂 But parenting without other moms around can be both a blessing and a hardship. On one hand, I have no one with whom to compare myself. I’m not on social media anymore and I don’t have other mom friends to watch, so the comparison game isn’t a thing for me anymore. What a relief! I don’t feel less than, because I literally have no idea what other people are doing. On the other hand, I literally have no idea what other people are doing, so I can’t learn from them or ask for their advice. When things are going well that seems like no big deal, but when things are rough, it’s like a massive hole. I would love so much to have a peer group of moms to move through life together. I had that before we moved here and I miss it so much. I can read parenting books written by older and wiser people and learn something new, but it’s definitely not the same as sitting down for coffee with a friend to just talk through your struggles together. Sigh. Any of you moms out there wanna move to Ukraine and be my neighbor?

Our Addy is seventeen and in her junior year of high school. Can you believe it? Our first little chickadee will soon leave the nest. Noooooooooooo! It’s an exciting time of preparing for the next steps and helping Addy to realize her dreams. She would like to take a year after graduation to attend a Bible School in Germany, and then she hopes to enter a German nursing school and study there (free higher education for the win!). To be eligible for studying in Germany Addy will need a high school diploma from an accredited American high school. So, this next year she will be enrolled in a school that is part online and part textbooks. Hopefully, we can cram enough credits in there to get her that coveted diploma. She’s pretty motivated and determined, so I have no doubt that she’ll do it. She also needs B1 level German to enter nursing school, so next week she will begin German lessons. Exciting times for our girl!

Next school year Ezra will be enrolled in the same accredited high school as Addy. He’ll be a sophomore and I’m excited for him to have the opportunity to learn from other teachers. Addy is a very motivated self-learner, but Ezra does better with deadlines and more specific feedback. I really hopeful that this school will be a good fit for him. If he wants to study further in the US he won’t need a diploma, but if he chooses another country for study, like Addy, then he will almost definitely need one. We figured it’s easier to bite the bullet now and just work toward the diploma so his options are more open in the future.

Hava is continuing on in Ukrainian school. She’s finishing up 5th grade and so far, it suits her just fine. She’s still young, but right now she says she wants to attend university in Ukraine and become a teacher. As long as she thinks she wants to stay in Ukraine, we’ll keep her in Ukrainian school. She’s getting a high level of education and thriving in school. No need to go changing a good thing. We’ll just take it a year at a time.

Seth has been homeschooling this year and I have no doubt that bringing him home for school was the right choice. We have just recently started learning therapy for him via Zoom and I’m really hopeful that it will help him grow in his literacy. He has progressed a lot this past year, but I know he needs more than I can give him. Just knowing we have another set of eyes and ears on his learning is such a relief to me! I want so much for Seth to grow into the man God has created him to be and to reach his potential, so I’m really thankful we found this resource. I don’t really foresee Seth reentering Ukrainian school. We’ll take it a year at a time, but for now, he’s better off at home with me.

Evie is 3 and is already wondering when she will get to go to school. 🙂 Here in Ukraine, most people send their toddlers to the local “kindergarten”. It’s free preschool/daycare and you can send your child as often as you like. Our village has a kindergarten that runs half days and we’re considering sending Evie in the fall. I’d like her to go maybe 3 half days a week and see how she likes it. I really want her to enter first grade with confidence and good language skills so that she doesn’t struggle unnecessarily. She speaks Ukrainian now, but definitely below the level of her peers (although her English is great!). She’ll need that extra boost of kinder in order to be ready for first grade when she’s 6. Plus, she’s super social and wants so badly to have friends (mini-Havalah). I’m pretty sure she’s gonna love it. We’ll see!

So, I’ve been researching diploma programs and learning therapy. I’ve been emailing and consulting and googling. We just have to work extra hard to access the resources that we need here. It’s a stretching time, but sometimes stretching feels good, even when it hurts a little.

What’s on your mind these days?

It’s been a while since I talked about our kids here. The older they get, the less they want to be featured on the ol’ blog. But, they’re okay with me giving a big of an update, for old time’s sake.

Our kids are really doing great. I am so thankful for God’s hand on each one of them. I’ve shared many of my mama worries with you over the years. It has not been an easy journey, raising them in a different culture, but I’m thankful to see them all thriving in this country that has now become their own.

You already know a lot about Vlad, so I won’t write about him here. Although he would hate to be left out…he definitely doesn’t mind the spotlight! 😆 We’ll just say that he’s still loving the woodshop and taking care of his chickens. He brings us joy and is a blessing to us every day.

Addy is 16 and a junior in high school. She is homeschooling, since her Ukrainian school ended at 9th grade and many of her peers are in “college” or trade school already. She really isn’t sure what she wants to do after 12th grade, so we are encouraging her to spend a year as an intern or volunteer somewhere in the world after high school. She loves sewing and fashion and playing the bass. Addy is an old soul and my dear, dear friend. I adore my daughter.

Ezra is 14 and a giant. I swear he comes downstairs each morning noticeably taller. It’s insane. Ezra is also homeschooling and doing 9th grade work. He doesn’t love school at all, but prefers spending hours with his friends exploring creepy abandoned buildings and riding their bikes all over the universe. He is Evie’s favorite person. Their bond is pretty sweet. How is my son almost a man???

Havalah is 11 and the most Ukrainian of all of us, by a mile. 🙂 Hava is a super social and loves going to school more than anything. She is in 5th grade in Ukrainian school and is doing great. She’s basically fluent in Ukrainian and is thriving here. Her personality is as big as her body is small, just like always. Hava has a soft heart for our boys and is very tender with them. It blesses my heart.

Seth is 10 and the sportsman of the family. Approximately 99% of his free time is spent outside riding his bike or building his “skate park” or playing soccer or getting into trouble. Hehe. Let’s just say, he’s a bit of a wild child and village life suits him just fine. Till now, Seth has been in Ukrainian school, but just this year we brought him home for school. Ukrainian school just wasn’t a good fit for him. He needs extra help that they can’t provide, so I’m doing my best to help him at home. Twice a week he goes to school for PE so he can see his friends, and three mornings a week he goes to soccer. Seth is creative and messy and his emotions are big. But if he loves you he will love you forever and I’ve never seen a more devoted friend. He has a super soft heart for our Anton. It’s really special and sweet.

Evie Joy is 2 years old and a spitfire and a half! She has an opinion on pretty much everything and isn’t afraid to let you know. Evie is a talker and can speak and understand both English and Ukrainian. It’s such an adventure raising a bilingual baby! It’s fun to watch new words pop out and fascinating to see how she knows which language to speak to which people and how she goes back and forth with such ease. She brings immeasurable amounts of joy to our whole team and is everyone’s baby. God knew we all needed her.

It’s crazy to think that in a couple of years Addy might be gone and then begins the phase of life when my chicks won’t be all together in my nest. 😭 I have no idea if any of them will end up staying in Ukraine, or if they will all move away. That whole scenario is going to require a whole other level of trust in God. Yikes! I would love it if at least one of them decided to stay near, or if some of them ended up in Europe somewhere. The US is just so so far! But, I know deep down that ultimately I want them to each end up exactly where God wants them to be. They’ll know they can always find Mom and Dad back at the Homestead when they want to visit.

Do you have any questions about the kids or about raising kids in Ukraine? I would love to do a Q & A post if that’s interesting for you. You can leave questions below or in a comment.

January ended up being a pretty great month. To start with, Jed’s mom brought Vladik home to us. Yay! Then she stayed for a month to spend time with us and help with the kids so Jed and I could go to the Vineyard UK National Conference in Nottingham. One of our partner churches flew us out there for the conference and a few days of rest and man oh man, we didn’t even know how much we needed it until we were in it.

When you’re knee deep in a project or work it’s helpful to get away and regain some perspective. We’ve been neck deep for the past year and a half, so our perspective in some areas was severely lacking. Time away spent with friends who love us and speak into our lives was a precious treasure that came just at the right time. I’m so thankful we had that opportunity.

While we were away we had good news and not so good news. The good news was, our precious “Preston” flew home to Indiana with his new family to begin his new life! The bad news was, our “Aaron” who was just adopted from Romaniv (the last child who was available for adoption!) failed his medical exam and therefore wasn’t issued a visa to the travel to his new home in the US. Noooooooo!!! Failing that exam is every adoptive parent’s fear. Additional testing had to be done, and now there is an 8 week waiting period for those results to come back. Obviously, Aaron’s family couldn’t wait 8 additional weeks in Ukraine, so a different plan had to be formed.

I shared that story on our social media and invited people to help cover the expenses of caring for Aaron for the next 2 months, as he requires full-time care, and the Wide Awake community rallied! In less than 24 hours all of the expenses were covered, plus additional funds that the family can use for airplane tickets when they travel back at the end of the waiting period. Thank you so much to all who gave so quickly and so generously! The family was blown away by your love.

The plan we came up with was that Max, one of our team members who is currently on a break from university, would live in an apartment with Aaron for the 2-month waiting period. When Jed and I arrived back in Ukraine after our England trip we picked up Aaron in Kyiv and brought him to our house for the weekend because Max wasn’t available to start caring for him till Monday. Aaron did SO WELL in our home. He obviously loved the stimulation of all the people, the space to move around, the toys and balls. It seemed like a no-brainer to all concerned that he would be better off in a family environment instead of one-on-one in an apartment.

That left the question of how to make it all happen. Aaron on his best day still requires full-time supervision and assistance. There was no way we could simply add him to our family and not change things up. The money had been donated to care for him, we just had to find the best way to use it. Then we had an “Aha!” moment and we made a decision that was better for all involved. Andriy stayed with us in our home, and Ruslan moved into the apartment with Max. Not what you were expecting to hear? Yeah, it took us a bit by surprise too, but sometimes the most obvious answers are the hardest to come by. 🙂

For several months we had been mulling over the idea of moving Ruslan to an apartment, even before Anton moved. There are several reasons that made this the right choice for this moment. First, Ruslan has a great potential for independence. He will never live alone, but he has great potential to learn to care for himself in many ways. He wants independence. He sees all his friends (our team) live in apartments with friends so the concept was interesting to him. In an apartment setting there will be more time and space for him to learn skills necessary for independence.

Second, Ruslan is highly anxious and quite obsessive. Anton did not thrive in the large family environment, and Ruslan, although he managed it better than Anton, also had big struggles. Ruslan wants to control everything and everyone in his environment. He’s been learning that when you live in a family it’s not possible or necessary to control everyone and everything, but in the large family context it was causing him a lot of angst.

Third, there were some personal matters that made it necessary for the health of our family that Ruslan moved to a different space. To protect the dignity of all of us I don’t want to really expand on that. Everyone is safe, and no one has been physically harmed, but you just can’t predict how interpersonal relationships will develop when you bring new people into your home, specifically people who have endured 30+ years of trauma and abuse. We have learned much from having Ruslan in our home, and we love him dearly. It is just healthier for everyone if he lives separate from us. I know it might seem like I’m glossing over this, but I hope you can trust that this is not a decision we came to lightly. We have been agonizing over how to make it work, interpersonally, with Ruslan in our home, and the reality is, it just can’t work for the long term. If you have more questions about this, please shoot me an email. I’m happy to talk.

This move, even though we had considered doing it for a long time, was unexpected, but it feels 100% right. When Anton moved out it was traumatic and sad and felt like a loss (at the time). This does not feel like that. Ruslan was excited for the new adventure of living with Max, and Max is the perfect person to lead Ruslan into a more independent life. Anton’s leaving felt like failure, at the time, because Anton is developmentally much younger. He was confused and it felt like getting him out of the house ASAP was the only option in that stressful situation. This move feels like a next step. Aaron’s coming into our home for this time caused everyone to rethink how we are doing what we are doing and shook us up a bit. But we feel confident God used that situation for all of our good.

At church on Sunday Ruslan was happy, loved and well-cared for; Anton was happy and loved and content. They arrived at church with different people, but were still surrounded by so many who love them. God is so faithful to provide the people to love our boys. Every one of them is in a good spot right now and we couldn’t be more thankful.

I don’t know what the future will hold for Ruslan and Anton. Possibly they will stay in apartments, possibly they will live in the duplex, we’re tossing around the idea of tiny houses on our property. We want to do what is best for them and we are committed to them, so we know God will show us in his timing.

I wanted to share with you so you would know how to pray and also so that those who gave toward Aaron’s care would be fully informed on how the money is being used. Max is being paid to care for Ruslan, so that we have the ability to care for Aaron in our home. Same use of funds, just a “change in seating”, if you will. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. We always want to be open and honest. Thank you for your love and encouragement, as always!

I love the beginning of a new year. I love a clean slate, a fresh start, a chance to start over and try again. Even though my life circumstances on December 31, 2019 were exactly the same as my life circumstances on January 1, 2020 somehow anything and everything seemed possible on the 1st because a new year had begun.

Do you like making resolutions in the new year? I’m great at it. In fact, I’m a super awesome list-maker, life-organizer, resolution-maker. I’m not necessarily the best at not losing my lists, keeping my life organized and sticking to my resolutions, but that doesn’t stop me from trying!

This year though, this year is for real. I’m serious this go-around and I’m determined to change. I’m so serious that I’m about to write my ideas out on the World Wide Web.

Here goes.

My resolution for 2020 is to be present in my own reality. My resolution is to learn to live fully in the reality of my life as it is now, and to spend less time wishing it was something different. My resolution is to spend less time dreaming about becoming the person I want to be, but instead to actually put in the work to become that person.

That’s a lot of wishing and hoping, right? Well, it’s time. This past year was the hardest of my life- by a few miles. I spent a lot of time in this past year wishing my reality was different. I told Jed more than once “I don’t want this to be my life!” I spent a lot of time escaping into the ultra-curated lives of others via social media. I spent way too much time escaping from my own thoughts via podcasts and books.

I don’t really wish this wasn’t my life. I have a habit of spouting off really dramatic things when I’m not emotionally healthy. 😊

I’m certainly not saying that any of the above-mentioned media are bad on their own account. Podcasts, books, and social media, they all have wonderful benefits! -when used in the right way and at the right level of consumption. I was just consuming too much, to the neglect of my mind, body and spirit. It’s time for change. I can’t keep on like I’ve been going and not crash and burn. I know if I don’t make some major changes I’ll regret it forever. I know that sounds intense, Hence the kind of intense resolutions. 🙂

I have realized that I don’t give my mind any opportunity to be quiet. Now, I have a lot of people in my house, so extended periods of silence is total wishful thinking, I know. But, when I do have moments of quiet, why am I so quick to fill them with podcasts or audiobooks or social media or even music? I’ll give you a hint- habit and the desire to escape. I’ve gotten in the habit of filling the fringe moments with something. I have moments of not liking my current reality and I give in to the desire to escape. I give my mind and spirit zero time to rest and to be silent. It’s a shame too, because often those fringe moments, those moments of rest and silence are the moments when the voice of God is most clear and most able to be heard amidst all the noise of the world.

I guess I’m just realizing that I’ve allowed my world to be become too noisy. Podcasts, books, Facebook, Instagram, email, Messenger, Viber, WhatsApp, iMessage, Netflix…thank God I’ve never joined Twitter. Haha! So.many.voices. I listen and seek out so many voices every day and in the meantime have less and less ability to hear the one voice that matters above all else.

Enough. I’m tired. I need to quiet the superfluous voices for a time and tune in to the Father.

How does this play out in everyday life?

A Rule of Life and Digital Minimalism are the two starting points.

Digital Minimalism, using only digital technology that strongly supports the things that I value most, is one of the strategies I’m adopting this year. I read the book. I’m a believer and I really desire to embrace a lifestyle of using technology in very thoughtful ways, not just in reactive ways.

Here are some of the intentional ways I will use technology: Facebook and Instagram will be used for Wide Awake purposes and not for browsing the curated lives of others (except faraway family). Those apps will only be on devices that live in our office, not on phones we carry with us. My iPhone is basically a dumb phone at the moment. It has messaging and calling capabilities, but only the messaging necessary for the logistical life stuff. Example: all the communication for church and school is on Viber, so that stays, but Facebook messenger is not used for urgent matters so that is not allowed on the phone. Email is definitely not on the phone.

Another example would be less family movie nights and more family game nights. That can be hard to do with our house situation and the sleeping arrangements with our guys, but where there’s a will there’s a way!

A fun aspect of Digital Minimalism I’m tackling this year is using only paper recipes for cooking. I’m guilty of too often browsing the internet for new or better recipes. Why???? I already have plenty of good recipes! I don’t need more and I don’t need to waste my time searching for more. I definitely don’t need my phone in the kitchen so I can use recipes from it. I declare 2020 is the year of the cookbook!

See where I’m headed? For me it’s all creating boundaries for myself so I can be more present and less distracted by the thousands of other voices available to me at any moment. I know myself and I know what is healthy for me and what is not. Now it’s time to start acting on that knowledge.

This is something I’ve been working toward over the past year. I’ve felt the nudge to pull back, to be less online and more in person and have changed a lot of my digital habits over the past several months. I’ve tried to create some intentional moments of quiet, have (gasp!) removed most of the apps from my phone. Jed and I have been practicing a form of Sabbath over this past year and part of that includes turning off our phones from dinner on Saturday till dinner on Sunday. These moves toward digital minimalism have only brought blessing and I’m ready to dive deeper.

I mentioned before that a Rule of Life is another starting point for these desired changes to come about. If you aren’t familiar with a “Rule of Life” you can check out the link I’ll add at the end of this post. Basically, it’s a trellis for life that helps anchor you to the things you value most. It’s not “Rules of life”, but more a way of looking at each sphere of your life and deciding how to keep the main things the main things. Jed and I are committed to developing our Rule of Life and to leaning into it this year.

Jed and I have realized over the past couple of years that in some ways our lives have become kind of monastic. Our guys require practices and routines and schedules to ground them. Morning worship, evening prayers…our world has gotten smaller in a way and the daily routines of caring for our boys have us drawing closer to rituals of ancient Christianity. It’s been really cool and formative. That’s how our hearts began to turn toward a Rule of Life.

So there you have it. I might sound super ambitious, but I need to be. This is something that has been growing in my heart and actions for a while, but it’s time to speak it out and fully embrace these new ways of living. As I’ve shared about my desire for Digital Minimalism with others over the past few days I have seen them get a little flustered and somewhat defensive. Please don’t read this post like I’m judging or assuming I know what all people need. I just know what I need and I’m sharing here in hopes that others might be encouraged to search deep and figure out what they need. If you connect with the ideas I’ve shared, awesome! Check out the resources below. If you feel like it’s dumb or unrealistic, okay! We can still be friends. 😉

My hope for all of us for this new year, this new decade is that we would create space for the one voice that matters to be heard in our lives. My hope is that we will hear that voice and then answer yes when it calls us to action.

What are your hopes and resolutions this year? I’d love to hear!

Resources:

This is a great resource for learning about a Rule of Life and how to create one. https://practicingtheway.org/practices/unhurry

Digital Minimalism: https://www.calnewport.com/books/digital-minimalism/