Tomorrow, unbelievably, marks one year since Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine. It feels like only yesterday, but also feels like a lifetime has passed since we lived in a land of peace. There has been war in Ukraine since 2014 when Russia invaded the Eastern borders and stole Crimea, but our town remained at peace. We didn’t feel the war in our everyday life. Here on our little Homestead we lived in peace, without fear. Oh, what beautiful, peaceful lives we led. We took so much for granted and didn’t even realize it. Now we are forever changed. This year showed us a lot about ourselves, about our work, about our team and our boys, and about our world. We will never be the same.

Our newsletter should go out tomorrow and I know the anniversary of the war deserves attention, but I just know tomorrow I won’t be in a mindset to deeply reflect. It’s just too painful. I figured I’d get as many of the tears out today as possible. So bear with me as I rip off the barely healing scab on my heart and reflect on this past year.

I sometimes wonder what I did last year on February 23rd, the last day of peace. How did I fill my time? What was on my mind? What plans did I have for the next few days, the next few months? I can’t even remember. When we woke up on February 24th to bombs dropping and our house shaking our old life and plans flew out the window. We had entered a new reality where only the war existed and the rest of the world was as far away as Jupiter. Anytime I think about those first few weeks of war my stomach hurts and tears flow. All the feelings come rushing back: shock, fear, outrage, confusion…How do we live in a time of war? How do we parent our children through this? How do we lead our team through this? How do we keep our children and our boys safe? What is the right thing to do? Do we stay or do we go? If we go we will be physically safe, but how can we leave the men on our team and our boys at Romaniv? If we stay we could die. What if our children die because we stayed- when we could have left? The internal dialogue and conflict were unrelenting. There is no guidebook to living through a war. You just live, one day at a time.

Then there is the time we spent as refugees in Germany. That was a whole lifetime in itself that contains its own pain. To be honest, I still can’t really talk with you about that time. For me, personally, it was the most agonizing, most difficult time of my life. I have no idea which Kim the people in Germany saw…but it wasn’t me. I was not myself and the whole time is like a blur. I know someday I’ll be able to share with you more about that time, but I honestly am just not ready. I’m thankful our bodies were safe and I’m thankful for the people that helped us. I truly am. I have a handful of really beautiful moments there that I will carry with me always. But in general, it was just super rough, for me personally. I know it’s visible in the Youtube videos from that time. I don’t plan to ever go back and watch those. I’m aware I look like death. 😂 Care for the refugee, Friends. They are carrying such deep pain.

Since we returned home to Ukraine in July we have all learned to live in the new normal. We have adapted to life in a country at war and I’m consistently amazed at the resilience of the human spirit. We really are amazingly adaptable creatures. Sometimes I’m even a little concerned at how normal certain things have become that should never be normal for anyone. But, God has given us, our team, and our boys the grace to keep moving forward, despite the war raging around us. We are so thankful for his protection, his grace, and his love for us and this work that he has created.

I have heard people refer to this year as “The Year Russia stole from Ukraine” and boy, they have definitely stolen a lot. They’ve stolen thousands of innocent lives. The death toll isn’t even countable yet in places like Mariupol where Russian troops still hold the city. I’ve read estimates of at least 20,000 civilian deaths in that city alone. One source even estimates as many as 87,000 deaths in the city that a year ago today had a thriving population of over 425,000. We may never know how many lives were lost in that once beautiful city on the sea. The Russians have stolen the childhood of an entire generation. Ukrainian children have seen unimaginable horrors this past year. They spend sometimes hours a day in their schools’ bomb shelters and know waaaaaay too much about different weapons and their capabilities. They know true fear like I never knew as a child- or even as an adult! My heart hurts, thinking of the ways my children have had to grow up this past year. It shouldn’t be this way. Russia has stolen some of the best and brightest from Ukraine. Millions have fled the country and the longer they are away in Europe or the US the less likely it is that they will ever return. Some of the brightest of us have fled, the bravest of us have died, and the rest are left to pick up the pieces. It is a heartbreaking reality.

But- despite all that has been stolen and despite the circumstances that thwart at every turn, we absolutely refuse to let Russia steal our hope. We will not be led by fear. We will not back down. We will not hold back. God is our portion, our refuge, our strength, our hope. The dreams he put in our hearts he will see to fruition- he is even doing that now! Right now, as I am writing this post, Jed is in Romaniv at a committee meeting where they will grant him legal guardianship of Yaroslav and Vova. Today our boys will be ours forever. God is still moving, still making a way and as long as he goes, we will follow.

This year our faith has been tested and defined. Where do we find our hope? Who do we turn to when we are afraid? Do we believe God’s promises to us and our boys? Where does our strength come from? Is our joy reliant on our circumstances? I have failed a million times this past year. I have put my hope in people. I have not chosen joy when things looked bleak. I have relied on my own strength. I have doubted God and his faithfulness. But despite all that, he keeps pulling me back. He keeps showing his love and faithfulness to us, our team, and our boys. He provides all that we need at every turn. He is always there, waiting, loving us first. No matter what may come tomorrow, we will hope in him.

Thank you for loving us and for remembering Ukraine. Victory will come, I’m certain of it, but until that moment we will continue to put one foot in front of the other, saying YES to the next thing God asks of us. Thank you for joining us along the journey. It’s not over yet.

BeLOVE[d]

Christmas is just around the corner, but there’s more to the Christmas season than shopping lists, Christmas movie marathons, and curating the best holiday playlist (although I’m definitely in favor of all those things!).   Advent, the four weeks before Christmas, is a wonderful time to prepare our hearts as we anticipate the celebration of Jesus’ birth and wait expectantly for Him to come again. 

We really love Advent around the Homestead and wanted to share a few thoughts with you about the first two themes of Advent: hope and peace.  So, sit on down, relax with your cup o’ nog, and enjoy! 

It’s December, folks.  I can now officially listen to Christmas music without incurring the judgement of Jed. Our Christmas tree is up.  The lights are on. The cupboard is stocked with staples of the season.  Our hearts are full.

And we have hope.

  

This past Sunday was the beginning of Advent: the season of expectation, the season of longing for Jesus to come and make wrong things right; the season of searching for glimpses of God’s Kingdom come to earth. 

On Sunday at our home, and across the world, millions of candles were lit.  Millions of prayers were whispered.  Millions of hearts were filled with hope. 

We look back at all God has done thus far and our minds are blown.  In two short (yet sometimes unbelievably long) years He has made so much wrong right.  

-Hearts of directors have been opened and softened.

-Youth from our city have risen up and claimed this cause as their own.  They have chosen time and time again, to spend time with their  beloved boys instead of pursuing other things.  This is not a project to them- this is their life together.

-Doctors and nurses and physical therapists and speech pathologists and many loved ones have traveled across the world to give of their time and talent to our beloved babies. 

-Hearts of nannies have been won over.  They may not understand why we do what we do, but they love us and they appreciate us.  They are our friends.

-Two teachers from the town of Romaniv have been hired to devote their lives to the boys.  They are opening the eyes of their neighbors.

-God laid our boys on the heart of a generous church in Switzerland- and a van was provided.

-One amazing boy now runs free.  Cherished son and brother. 

-Thousands of people ALL OVER the world have given and given and given.  Provision abounds.

-Countless prayers have been prayed, day after day after day by so many believers in so many countries.  “God come.  Have your way.  Set the captive free.  Be near to the boys we love so much.  Bring healing and hope.  Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

And we have hope.

Of course, there is so much yet to be done.  There is so much wrong that has not been made right.  There are injustices and there is so, so much pain.  There are nannies who are cruel.  There are people in high positions who do not understand.  There is unbelievable suffering every minute of every day.

But we have hope.

God keeps his promises.  God sees and He knows.  God has not forgotten our boys, tucked away from the world for so long.  They are tucked up right next to His heart.  

And we are so full-to-bursting with thanks.  Thank you for traveling this journey with us.  Thank you for praying.  Thank you for loving.  Thank you for giving so incredibly generously.  Thank you for carrying the torch of hope with us.  Thank you for believing that these boys are worth fighting for.  

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” Isaiah 9:2

AND WE HAVE HOPE!