Hi Friends!

It’s been some time since I’ve given you the lowdown on who lives where here on the Homestead. I know there are a lot of us here and even some people have similar names, so I can definitely see how things could get confusing. During our last board meeting for Wide Awake I told our Directors that I planned to make this post and even they were happy about it. They hear the names of these people every week and sometimes still find themselves confused about who’s who. Let’s get it all cleared up, shall we?

The Homestead Property. Our Homestead is about 4 acres of property located in a village not far from the nearest city. It takes about 7 minutes by car to reach the edge of the city, so we aren’t super remote. There is a major highway that goes all the way from Kyiv to the border of Hungary and our street is directly off that highway. We would love to be a little more out in the boonies, but this is where God has us, so we’ll just appreciate the convenience of it and try our best to continue ignoring the sounds of highway traffic. 😆

People have asked about our neighbors and what they think of us, our boys, and our work. I honestly can’t answer that. Our neighbors are, for the most part, pretty unfriendly and uninterested in what we do here. There are a few people who are kind and we have built some relationship over the years, but for the most part, our neighbors ignore us and our boys. Our kids have made friends with many neighbor kids over the years (especially Seth), so I know many more children than adults. It’s sad and I wish it was different, but after this many years I honestly just don’t really think about it anymore.

Offices, Out Buildings. Besides the homes, which I’ll write about last, there are several other structures on the Homestead that allow us to do our work.

1. We have three small, moveable offices buildings where our interns and office staff work. Two of the offices are small, one room units, and one is an A-frame building with a bathroom and kitchenette.
2. The barn, chicken coop, and animal enclosure are on the back of the property. In the enclosure are 2 horses: Gloria and Myshka, 2 goats: Suzy and Karen, and 12ish? chickens.
3. Near the animal enclosure is a big old shed/garage/whatever-people-decide-to-call-it building. In that garage are all the tools and equipment for building projects, bikes, an extra refrigerator, dry goods, camping gear, pool gear, sleds…all the extra stuff that doesn’t need to be in houses.
4. Right next to our house is a wood shop that Oleg and Vlad are currently remodeling to make into a nice area for the boys to do work projects. We have used it like that off and on for years, but Oleg and Vlad are working on it now to make it more accessible and organized. This month Oleg plans to restart individual project time in the wood shop for each of the boys!

The Homes. Now on to the part you probably care about the most. Who lives where and with whom? Let’s get to it!

Johnson Family Home. When we purchased the first parcel of land back in 2016 it was the parcel with our house on it. It was an old farmhouse with no indoor plumbing and a hayloft as the second floor. It was stripped down to the first floor walls and foundation and rebuilt into the beautiful home it is today. I love our house! It’s my favorite place and has been such a wonderful space for raising our family. Thank you to all of you long-time faithful donors who helped make this home what it is today. It’s truly a place of peace and comfort for all who enter.

Who lives there? All the people who’s last name is Johnson, plus Boris (aka Bmo) and Christiana. Bmo has lived with us in this home since 2017. We consider him one of our children, he just doesn’t have our last name. 🥰 Christiana is an American member of our team who was a house parent in the duplex for 2 years. Once her role of house parent was completed she realized her time here in Ukraine wasn’t quite done, so she decided to stay on until the summer. She is living with us in the meantime and we love having her! We also have three pets in our home: Bluebell, the 10 year old English Shepherd, Betsy, the 2 year old dachshund, and Lucille, the 5 month old Maine Coon.

Duplex Side A. This side of the duplex is called “Side A” because it’s the side of the building closest to the road. Our team here in Ukraine calls the different sides of the duplex by the last name of the house parents to remind ourselves that it’s a home, not just a work place. But for our purposes here, it’s easier to say “Side A” and “Side B”. Side A of the duplex was completed just before the full scale invasion began in 2022 and was used as a sort of Noah’s ark during the first several months of the war. Several mothers and their adult children with disabilities lived there and during those first couple of weeks we hosted more than 100 people who were fleeing west from Kyiv to safety. In the summer of 2022, after we all returned from our time in Germany as refugees our boys began to live in the home.

Who lives there? Yaroslav, Vova, and the Mosiichuk family (Ruslan, Nina, and Lia). Ruslan and Nina, along with baby Lia moved into the duplex last October. Up until that time we had had different variations of volunteers living with Yarik and Vova. All the volunteers were amazing! And now we finally have Ukrainian house parents, which we have seen from previous experiences is the best case scenario for our boys.

Duplex Side B. Side B of the duplex is the side closer to the horse barn. It was completed back in 2021 and was our first go at community living here on the Homestead. I think for that reason Side B will always hold a special place in my heart. It’s the place where our dream of more boys living with house parents on the property was realized. I love it.

Who lives there? Anton, Sasha, and the Semenyuk family (Oleg, Masha, and Dem’yan). Oleg and Masha were team members who got married in 2022 and then a few months later decided to be house parents and moved in with the boys. Dem’yan was born last June and completed the fam. Oleg and Masha have walked hand in hand with us along this journey for so many years and they are a great example of how to love our boys day after day. Masha and Oleg also have three pets: Bonya the cat, Richie the dachshund (our Betsy’s brother), and Lois the cat. Lois is actually the Homestead cat and has been with us since before the duplex was completed, but she eats at Side B and sleeps there on cold nights.

Both sides of the duplex have space for one more boy from the institution, so we are just waiting until the babies are a little bigger before bringing the next boys out. Please pray for us for wisdom and courage in that!

Building 7. The newest parcel of land was purchased just last year and had an existing old farmhouse on it. We call it “Building 7” just because 7 is the street address. Much like our home, it needed to be stripped down to walls and foundation, but is on it’s way to being the next and final home on the Homestead. It’s a smaller home and will have space for house parents and two boys. At this point we are planning for Max and Lesya to live there with Ruslan. They currently live with Rus in a house close to town, so we are looking forward to the time when they are here in the village with us. Once they are settled there they will be able to bring another boy home to live with them and their two cats, Bella and Carlos.

Dajana’s House. Dajana is our team member from Germany who cares for the horses and does horse therapy with the boys. Until last October she was a house parent for Yarik and Vova on Side A, along with Christiana. After moving out of the duplex she decided to build herself a small modular home on the back of our property so she can continue to live in close community with all of us here on the Homestead. Her project is in process and hopefully will be completed this spring! In the meantime she is living in the A-frame office building with her two dogs, Buddy and Lilo.

So there you have it! That’s all of us and all of our many, many animals. So.many.animals. 😂 I absolutely love living here on the Homestead. There is always someone nearby to talk to, help if you need it, or just be present for companionship. The work we do isn’t easy. It’s not a 9-5 job, but a complete lifestyle. I can’t imagine doing it in isolation! We are so blessed to have the gift of each other.

If you have any other questions about our Homestead, ask away! I hope this helped you get more names and faces straight in your head. Thanks for loving us and for caring about our lives here with our boys. We could never have built this beautiful community without your support. 💙

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Kim

If you want more a visual, here’s a video tour of the Homestead.

Today’s newsletter is brought to you by me, Kim! 👋

Love in Action 

“Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing, compared with love in dreams.”
– The Brothers Karamazov
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Hi Friends, 

The season of Lent began last Wednesday, and it’s really doing a number on me! Things are coming up that the Lord lovingly wants to deal with inside of me and I’m thankful, but…it kinda hurts a little too.

Lent is an ancient Christian tradition of fasting, prayer, and alms-giving for the 40 days leading up to Easter. It’s a time to set your priorities straight, to recognize the areas in your life where you have gone astray, and to prepare your heart for the big day of days- Resurrection Day. I appreciate the call to live more intentionally, to put aside some things and to say no to myself a bit more. And God is always faithful to meet me in those moments. I think he finds great joy in our deliberate efforts to say no to self and yes to him.

This week I wrote some thoughts on the blog about “Love in Action”. I’ve been thinking lately about loving without needing something in return, about the beauty of a hidden life, and about a longing to be content with just the gaze of our loving God- without a need for the gaze of other humans. I hope it encourages you this Lenten season. Saying YES is beautiful and also sometimes hard. But we are never alone on the journey. How beautiful is that? 

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,
Kim

Thanks from Vlad (and me)

Thank you to everyone who sent a congratulations note to Vlad. I read every single one to him and he was soooooo happy!  He was giggling and clapping and just couldn’t get enough. He got tons of messages from you all and as a mom, I want to say thank you for loving my son. Thank you for taking the time to tell him you are proud of him. Your words are very valuable to him and to me. 💙

Now that the roads are a little bit better and it’s not so bitterly cold we’re back to our weekly cafe visits! It’s important to get the boys out and about, and also for people in our city to see our boys and interact with them. We love our weekly coffee dates!

1. Vlad and Baby Lia
2. Tanya, Tonya, and Ruslan playing a card game

Have a great week, Friends! We’ll see you again next week, same time, same place. ☺️

BeLOVE[d] 🇺🇦

“Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing, compared with love in dreams.” – The Brothers Karamazov

The season of Lent began last Wednesday, and it’s really doing a number on me! Things are coming up that the Lord lovingly wants to deal with inside of me and I’m thankful, but…it kinda hurts a little too.

Lent is an ancient Christian tradition of fasting, prayer, and alms-giving for the 40 days leading up to Easter. It’s a time to set your priorities straight, to recognize the areas in your life where you have gone astray, and to prepare your heart for the big day of days- Resurrection Day. I appreciate the call to live more intentionally, to put aside some things and to say no to myself a bit more. And God is always faithful to meet me in those moments. I think he finds great joy in our deliberate efforts to say no to self and yes to him.

Each day in my Lenten readings there is a passage from a novel called The Brothers Karamazov, a take on the story of the prodigal son. The passage that was chosen today hit me like a ton of bricks. It really spoke to me, so I thought I would share it with you. In the passage a woman is talking with a priest about how to live a life of faith, how to know that her faith is real. He answers her that to live a life of faith is to live a life of “active love”. Here is her response to his call to active love:

“‘In active love? There’s another question and such a question! You see, I so love humanity that- would you believe it?- I often dream of forsaking all that I have, leaving Lise, and becoming a sister of mercy [a nun]. I close my eyes and think and dream, and at that moment I feel full of strength to overcome all obstacles. No wounds, no festering sores could at that moment frighten me. I would bind them up and wash them with my own hands. I would nurse the afflicted. I would be ready to kiss such wounds.”

“It is much, and well that your mind is full of such dreams and not others. Some time, unawares, you may do a good deed in reality.” [the priest talking there]

“Yes. But could I endure such a life for long?” the lady went on fervently, almost frantically. “That’s the chief question- that’s my most agonizing question. I shut my eyes and ask myself, ‘Would you persevere long on that path? And if the patient whose wounds you are washing did not meet you with gratitude, but worried you with his whims, without valuing or remarking your charitable services, began abusing you and rudely commanding you, and complaining to the superior authorities of you (which often happens when people are in great suffering)- what then? Would you persevere in your love, or not?’ And do you know, I came with horror to the conclusion that, if anything could dissipate my love to humanity, it would be ingratitude. In short, I am a hired servant, I expect my payment at once- that is, praise, and the repayment of love with love. Otherwise I am incapable of loving anyone.'”

Wow. Let that sit a moment. Does ingratitude from others dissipate my love? Do I love others with a payment in mind? Praise, thanks, notoriety, fame, warm fuzzies… do I need those things to be payed to me so that I have the strength and will to love others? I want to say no, but I know that’s not always the truth. I want to be thanked. I want to be recognized. I want my good deeds to be noticed. I want my hardships to be recognized and seen and I want to be understood. It’s may be gross, but it’s reality.

The priest has a long answer for this woman, but here is the part that stood out to me:

“..love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams is greedy for immediate action, rapidly performed and in the sight of all. Men will even give their lives if only the ordeal does not last long but is soon over, with all looking on and applauding as though on the stage. But active love is labour and fortitude, and for some people too, perhaps, a complete science. But I predict that just when you see with horror that in spite of all your efforts you are getting farther from your goal instead of nearer to it- at that very moment I predict that you will reach it and behold clearly the miraculous power of the Lord who has been all the time loving and mysteriously guiding you.”

___________________

Love in action is the day after day choice. Love in action is the hidden life. Love in action is waking up every moment and making a choice: to speak kindly, to be patient, to hold the hand, to gently wash the body, to try again to understand, to cook the next meal, to have compassion, to have a beginners mind. Love in action has no stage. Love in action will not be understood by the world. But the Lord sees it all. He watches with a loving gaze and a full heart.

Most of our boys can’t thank us. They don’t understand the comforts and ease we “give up” to live life with them. They don’t understand that it’s not always easy for us and I don’t think they can comprehend that sometimes our life of service feels like just one sacrifice after another. But that’s okay. They don’t need to say thank you. They don’t need to understand. We are called to love them and it is enough to know that Jesus, the one who matters, sees it all.

Let us hear the call this Lent to live lives of love in action. Let us put aside the need to be seen and understood and simply serve others with love that can only come from the One who is Love. Let us not just dream of living lives of love, but to actively pursue love. Say yes to the next thing and take the step. Our God who sees all and knows all will meet us and guide us and his gaze is enough. ❤️

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Kim

Today’s newsletter is brought to you by me, Kim! 👋

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What Would You Like to Know?

Hi Friends
Kim here, coming to you from the land of snow and ice. So.Much.Snow. I can’t even with the snow. I know it’s good for the soil and blah blah blah. But I would just really like it to be done now. Can we be done now? 😆
Anyway, enough of my belly achin’. Thankfully, everything is going fine around here. Boys are healthy and happy, the team is working well, two out of the three Dim Hidnosti vehicles are back up and running, the houses are warm, and we pretty much always have electricity! We are blessed and I have no doubt that God is watching over us. So many people in Ukraine are truly suffering in unimaginable ways this winter, so I thank God every day for his hand of protection over the Homestead. I pray we never take it for granted.
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Enough about me, now I’d like to turn to you all. I was wondering what questions you might have for us. Although we are passionate about our work and realize it’s life-saving and necessary, our work/life here isn’t a novelty to us. It’s just our every day life, so it’s hard for me to guess what you might like to read about. Do you have any questions? Is there a part of the work you don’t understand? Is there a topic we have touched on that you would like to hear more about? Are you curious about a certain boy or about an aspect of the boys’ daily life? I would loooooove to hear any and all of your questions or suggestions for newsletter topics. I want to write about the things that are interesting to you, so let er rip! You can send any ideas or questions in a reply to this newsletter. 
Thanks!

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,
Kim

1. I know this is poor quality, but I think it’s just so cute! A few of our staff: Tanya, Natasha, Tonya, and Luda on the bus on their way to work. 💙
2. Bmo- sitting on a couch, cozied in, chewing on a blanket- just how he likes it.
3. Yarik and Oleg having some sled time. At least the snow is good for something! 😉
4. Ruslan loves the babies. Here he is with Dem’yan (who is enjoying the experience slightly less…)
5. And here is Rus 7 years ago with baby Evie. He has always loved babies. It’s sweet.

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New Team Member

If you donate to Wide Awake you’ve already seen the news, but I wanted to share with the wider community that we have a new member of the Wide Awake team! We have been in need of a donor relations assistant for a long time (like forever). It’s always been a challenge to communicate well with donors from across the ocean, but we sort of managed the best we could. Then the war started, then our family had to be separated, and the need become more glaringly obvious than ever. We simply can’t give our supporters the communication and thanks they deserve when Jed and I are stretched so thin. Finally we are in a place where we can add a person to the team who can be a touch-point for all of you.

I know I say it here all the time, but I really do mean it from the bottom of my heart: we simply could not do any of this without you. To all you donors who have stuck with us on this crazy journey, thank you so much for being so gracious to us over the years. I know our communication with you hasn’t always been the best and we really want to change that. 💛

All that said, I would like to introduce you to our new donor relations assistant, Addie! If you’ve been around here for a while then you will recognize Addie. She is our oldest daughter and a university student in Montana. Addie has been a part of this work ever since it was just a crazy dream in our hearts. She grew up here, on the Homestead and she understands our vision and values. 
Here’s a message from Addie:

Hi! My name is Addie, you probably know me as the second oldest Johnson kid. I’ve been a member of the team my whole childhood but now I have stepped back onto the team as the donor relations assistant! I am so excited to be back and I figured I would do a little introduction.
As some of you may know I have been in Montana the past couple years for college. I am an English major in my junior year and I aim to get my doctorate and become an American Literature professor. I love to crochet, watch movies, and play bass with my band (just like my dad!). I also take after my mom with my love of coffee, puzzles and reading. 
Please write to me and say hello! I would love to get to know all of you. If you have any questions related to newsletter signups, contact information, or other communication things I’m your gal. Either way I can’t wait to hear from you!

Here’s Addie’s email: addie@wideawakeinternational.org
I’m so glad she has officially joined the team and I hope you will feel free to reach out to her with any of your questions or concerns. She’s ready for you!

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Birthday Girl

Just a quick note to let you know that our sweet baby Lia turned 1 year old this past week. I remember last year, asking for you all to pray for God to spare her life and look at her now! Thank you for joining us in prayer for our special baby girl. We love her so much. She brings us all loads of joy. 🥰
PS: Fun Fact- Addie and Lia share the same birthday! 

BeLOVE[d] 🇺🇦

Hellooooooooo! Long time no see. I’m emerging from my study cave to chat with you all and it’s a welcome excuse to give my brain a much-needed break. So, thanks for that. I have a big exam coming up in February for my Functional Medicine studies and all the time I spent Christmasing is kind of catching up with me. But here I am, so let’s get to it!

On Tuesday we had our semimonthly assistant meeting here on the ol’ Homestead and the discussion we had there has been rolling around in my head ever since. Masha leads the meetings and she is often bringing us back to our organization’s values of dignity, love, and hope. It’s impossible to talk about our values too much. They must be always present in our minds. We’re humans and it’s way too easy for us to veer away from them, so we talk about our values always.

Masha was presenting some scenarios to the team and asking them to look at them through the lens of our values and share which value was lacking in the scenario, and how we could do things differently. She asked us to put ourselves in the place of the boys and think of how we would feel in the situation. We talked about issues like modesty, personal privacy, the way we talk to the boys or the words that we choose to use. It was a good reminder to never allow ourselves to place ourselves on a level “higher” than the boys- to not just do things for them or to them, but to do things with them. Dignity always. Love always. Hope always. We can never talk about it enough. I know I fail every day so I reeeeeally need to constantly come back to our values.

As I’ve been mulling over that conversation I keep coming back to the idea of what it is to truly be known. It’s the longing of each of our hearts, to know and to be known. It’s the longing of our boys’ hearts, even if they can’t verbalize it. Of course it is! The longing to be truly known by others is part of what makes us human. We were created with the desire to be loved and known first of all by our Creator, and then second , by other humans. We long to be understood, for someone to truly “get” us. Our boys want to be understood and “got” just like the rest of us. And the more we as a team strive to deeply know our boys and understand them, the more dignity, hope, and love naturally flow from us.

In that meeting we recognized as a team that in our comfort with our boys we can sometimes lack love or dignity in the way we speak to them. And after years of living together we can get used to the boys the way they are and forget to hope that they could continue to grow and heal. It’s like with any family- the ones you love the most sometimes get the worst of you. And like with most families- your family members tend to be the least likely people to recognize changes in you or even allow changes in you. They see you through sibling or parent-tinted glasses that are very difficult to remove. Here on the Homestead we can also be guilty of wearing glasses that are tinted with the mundane. There is beauty in the closeness and familiarity of family. It’s beautiful how well we know our boys and how close we feel to them. But that closeness, while providing love and security, can also sometimes lack dignity or hope. The fight to keep our hearts right and to keep a beginner’s mind is real. But we are choosing to fight for it because our boys deserve all the dignity, love, and hope ever.

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When we first took Boris out of the institution eight years ago he was full of emotion. Allllll the emotions were present and accounted for. He had moments of great joy, but also plenty of moments of frustration or maybe sadness. He was loud and expressive and over time we began to learn what his different sounds and expressions meant. Bmo doesn’t speak, so I can’t say with certainty how often we got it right or wrong, but we had beginner’s minds and tried to become as fluent in Bmo-Speak as possible. I’d like to think I’m fairly fluent at Bmo-Speak at this point; maybe even at Native Speaker level!

Bmo’s way of expressing himself and his emotions has ebbed and flowed over the years of life together. There have been periods of time when Bmo was the loudest person in the house, and then stretches of time when he didn’t make any sounds- happy or sad. We recently weaned Boris off of medication we had given him to prevent self-harm because the stretch of silence had gone on for too long. Bmo needed the medication when the war first started and we had to move as refugees to Germany. That whole experience broke Boris in a way, and it feels like he has never fully recovered. He lost many of his skills he had worked so hard to gain like toileting and dressing himself. He began to hit himself again and he was so emotionally disregulated that he would just run up and down the halls of the church screaming and unable to stop himself. For his own safety and security we began to medicate him again, but the trade off was that we lost a part of our precious Bmo. He retreated into himself and almost all of his positive communication went away. Our relationship devolved into him only wanting contact when he was asking for a need to be met and me meeting his needs. It didn’t appear that he was interested in any other kind of interaction. It was sad, disappointing, and honestly very exhausting. I think I lost hope that we would get our happy Boris back. I wondered if he was gone for good.

Then in December I decided to try weaning him off of his med. He seemed fairly stable, emotionally, and I decided to just give it a try. I don’t know, maybe God gave me a crazy moment of hope, or maybe I just got tired of the status of our relationship, but for whatever reason, I decided to give it a whirl.

The last month of Bmo being off meds has been a roller coaster for him and for the rest of us here on the Homestead. He started off being quite disregulated and screaming A LOT. I was out of town for a couple of weeks and the team began writing to me “Bmo is screaming all the time…what do we do??” He was quite unhappy, to put it mildly. But over the past week or so since I’ve been back I’ve seen glimpses of the old Bmo returning to us. He’s starting making his happy “beeping” Bmo sounds when I tuck him in at night. He’s making his loud, in your face, laugh/yell when he’s excited. He’s doing the Bmo “happy trill” when it’s time for his shower. Sigh, music to my ears. Sure, there is a heck of a lot of screaming in the mix as well, but I’ll take the screaming if it means I also get the beeps and the trills and the hums.

I know I can contribute much of the change in his disposition to him being off meds, but I also see how my attitude change plays into the mix. I’ve been asking the Lord to renew my love for Bmo. I’ve been asking for new hope, new patience, new tenderness. I need to see Boris with fresh eyes, to take off my exhausted-caregiver-tinted glasses and blink a few times. Bmo deserves a mom who allows him to change. He deserves to be “gotten” as he is now, not as he has been for the past almost 4 years, and I don’t want our closeness to lead to loss of dignity, love, or hope. I love Bmo deeply and he deserves to be known and loved by me as he is today.

Our Father in heaven never gives up on us. We fail over and over again, but he still chooses to use us to serve our boys. It’s seriously humbling. May God grant each of us the courage to seek to know others and to let ourselves be known by them. May we allow the ones we love space to grow and change without our judgement or family-tinted glasses, even if we feel hopeless. I think the journey of knowing will be worth it.

Hi Friends!

Here’s the link to this week’s newsletter: https://mailchi.mp/e50320719c89/wide-awake-int-massage-on-the-homestead

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Kim

Today’s newsletter is brought to you by Christiana ❤️

Just a taste of life around here

This week, I left Romaiv mad. It was a pretty typical day at Romaniv, but I fumed for nearly 30 minutes as I drove our team home and then finally broached the topic with another team member. It was better than keeping it bottled in and ready to explode, but I was still mad by the time we arrived home. 

I was mad about everything. Every last stupid, unjust, inevitable, avoidable, unintentional, deliberate, gosh darn thing that I had seen that day. Nothing too out of the ordinary, but for some reason yesterday the ordinary absolutely pissed me off. I will not sing the full Song Of My Complaint (10 Minute Version), but just to give you a taste:

They recently did significant renovations in isolation hall (perhaps I mentioned this, as we were unable to visit for several weeks while this was happening) and now the hallway, where most boys spend most of their days sitting or slowly wandering, is clean, fresh, new, and… off limits. Apparently, it is a very high priority not to let the boys mess us the newly painted white walls. Prior to renovations, there might be a few boys in their bedrooms if they were sick (or the higher functioning boys who live in isolation hall sometimes just prefer to be there), and perhaps a few boys in the day room (which has evolved over the years but currently has padded walls and floors with a few stackable discs of the same padded material and a yoga ball laying around). The rest of them, the majority, would be in the hallway. 

Now obviously, I do not like the idea of our friends spending most of their days sitting on benches in the hallway. But when I walked into isolation hall, through a pristine hallway, and then was hit by the scent and heat of all the boys crammed onto the floor of the day room, I nearly lost it. I went immediately to open the window, but the small part that can be opened already was open. The door had to remain shut because otherwise several boys would try to get out of the room into the—now forbidden—hallway. There was nothing I could do to make the situation any better. I had literally just come from a conversation about this issue with the director, where he had explained that they had hoped to paint the walls of the hallway with paint that was washable, but had run out of money and now could not do so. He pointed out that he had allowed the boys to be in the day room (which was in it’s way a concession because it had previously been off limits when it was new), and said that he would think about our concerns. 

Our friend who was not in that room was tied to his bed. The last several times I’ve been there, he has been tied in bed, and we haven’t been allowed to take him out because he was “having a bad day.” This could mean so many things… seizure activity, sickness, recent self-harm, knocked out on drugs for one reason or another (even just thinking of the list of possible reasons is infuriating). Instead of untying him, lately I’ve just had to sit next to him while he remains tied up in bed, and I hate that. I can see such an obvious decline in him from when I first met him 8 years ago, and yesterday it hit me that if he stays at Romaniv, we are just going to keep watching him get worse until he dies. But his parents still have parental rights, and we’ve never yet been able to take guardianship of a boy from Romaniv whose parents are still in the picture. How do you convince people who don’t really know you that they should let their son come and live with you? Unless that happens, there is a good chance we will just watch him continue to lose skills and have an increasingly worse quality of life until he dies a totally preventable death.

There’s a taste of why I was so mad on the drive back from Romaniv. 

Then I got back to the Homestead. Home. And I sat at our table, in our open kitchen/dining room/living room with vaulted ceilings and natural light and fresh air. As I ate leftovers of a delicious Ukrainian dish that the assistants had made with our boys from lunch, Vova came over and sat down at the table, because he likes to be with people now. Then the assistants sat down to chat, and they helped me fix a message I was trying to write in Ukrainian. Soon we were joking together about a Ukrainian word that Dajana and I didn’t know how to use correctly in context. Yarik started feeding off the building energy as we hung out and joked together, and then somehow we were all yelling like Tarzan and one of the guys was play wrestling with Yarik. When I reluctantly moved upstairs to get some work done while the assistants were still here, I could hear one of them singing a sea shanty and Yarik commending the song choice 🤣 And the anger had faded.

Our home isn’t perfect. It’s a bunch of imperfect people living life with boys whose disabilities and trauma can be heavy. But it was so healing for me in that moment to be home. Home where our boys are loved in word and action. Where I can leave the house knowing that the boys will be treating with dignity and I don’t need to worry about them while I am gone. Where so many of the things outside of our control at Romaniv are just so delightfully…manageable. Life here isn’t perfect (or sometimes even easy!) but it is so good.

If I find it healing to be back at the Homestead after spending part of a day at Romaniv, what about our boys who lived there for years and years? I think and hope that the healing they experience here is much greater, even as it is slower and more rocky.

Often we talk about one benefit of everyone regularly going to Romaniv being that we maintain a soft heart for our boys at the Homestead. Remembering where they came from, what they endured, gives us the patience and compassion we need to bear with them in love when things are difficult. But I’m also noticing that it puts us, in some small way, in parallel with them and their journey. We are not untouched by our time spent visiting the institution, although coming face to face with that darkness affects us all in different ways. We mourn, grieve, get angry, or get numb. Then God meets us in our weakness to provide what we need, to restore and to strengthen us. Our boys are needy, but so are we. We can relate to them not as superiors capable of doing more, saying more, handling more, but as equals who also experience hurt and are in need of healing.

If you have experienced hurt and are in need of healing today, you are not alone. I know some really brave boys who are learning that people can be good. Who are considering that the messages of worthlessness they received for years might not be true. Who are fighting to leave behind the cycles they learned in response to terrible things that should not have been done to them. Who are waiting on the Lord to restore all of the years that the locusts have eaten. And those boys aren’t doing it alone, because we are right there with them. We are also asking God to redeem what was broken. You are welcome to join us.

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Christiana

Today’s newsletter is brought to you by Christiana ❤️

Carpe Diem… Carpe Carpathians! 

Well ya’ll, we have returned from the Carpathian Mountains, our first team trip/retreat since the start of the full-scale war. And for me, my first team trip ever! There were a lot of reasons that it didn’t make sense to travel the last few years (starting with everyone just being grateful to be back home after their time as refugees in Germany… no one wanted to go ANYWHERE). But we also want to live our lives as normally as possible, and the time felt right. We were ready to pack up our boys and team and make the 7 hour trek to the region of the Carpathian mountains that stretches across southwestern Ukraine. (Okay, it actually took us 11 hours on the way there once you factor in all of the bathroom breaks and various stops 🤣 But we managed the trip home in only 8 hours, so we were getting back in the swing of traveling with our boys) 

I’ll admit, as excited as I was to see the Carpatians for the first time, I had a bit of trepidation as I looked forward to this trip. It was the first time Yarik and Vova have slept anywhere other than their own beds since coming home from Germany. How would they handle the change? It was my first attempt at anticipating what to pack for a 6 day trip with them 😜 and figuring out how to manage Vova’s diet while traveling for more than a meal or two. Also, three of the English speakers on our team were not able to come for various reasons, so my communication landscape was going to be a bit drier than at home. (Side note: I am so spoiled/blessed to live with Dajana, who a) speaks a second language constantly when the two of us are together, which allows me to speak my native language and b) speaks Ukrainian better than me and thus regularly bridges the gap for me when I don’t fully understand something. God has been kind to me in this way and also I’m impressed by how Dajana adjusts with grace to the language needs of others) 

Anyway, the Carpathians were AMAZING. The boys did great at handling the stress of being outside their normal routines and in a new place. The team was awesome, and everyone worked together to give the boys a great vacation and other team members time to relax and have fun, too. It was good to be together in a beautiful place and just organically build our relationships with the boys and each other. My soul (and everyone else’s) got a good dose of mountains, which doesn’t seem like a big deal until you are surrounded by mountains and feel that mountain sense of awe… and we live in a totally flat place. The trip was just a gift, and I’m grateful that we were able to go. 

1. Vlad, Nina, her daughter Evangelina and son Seriozha, Ruslan, & Evie 2. Anton 3. Maxim & Natasha  4. Ruslan & Jed 5. Dem’yan (repping his Dim Hidnosti shirt which reads “Dim Hidnosti/House of Dignity, a place where the heart is at home”)  6. Vlad 7. Lesya, Anton, Valya, Vlad, Tonya, Vova, Yarik, Ezra, Masha, Christiana  8. Vlad, Tanya, Anton, Maxim, Ruslan, Valya, Evangelina, Evie, Vova, Christiana, Nina, Seriozha, Lesya, Yarik

From my perspective, here were a few highlights of the trip: Our friend Maxim, whose mother has asked Jed to become his guardian after she passes away/is unable to care for him, came with us on the trip, and his mother was able to come too! She is elderly and had never visited these beautiful mountains in her own country, and said it was a dream of hers to see them before she died. Being able to include them both was such a joy.  We took the boys on a trip to a ski resort town, where they rode up a ski lift to the top of the mountain. For most of them, hiking would be neither accessible nor particularly enjoyable, so this was a perfect way for them to experience nature and have their own mountaintop experience. Also, riding a ski lift was it’s own exciting activity for the physical thrill seekers in our crew… and a chance for some others to be brave 😉 Everyone who went up loved being on top of the mountain. The pool at the hotel became our natural gathering point. While we rotated between being officially with the boys or free each day, I loved seeing everyone gravitate towards being together when they were on the grounds of the hotel. For our team, this is their work, their livelihood. So to see in these kinds of moments that it is not just their work, but also their joy to spend time together with our boys is sweet and meaningful.  We have 4 women who’ve joined the team after their young adult children were already working for Wide Awake… so we have a growing contingent of the team around the same age whom I affectionately refer to as “the moms.” Watching them living it up on vacation was so fun, and often hilarious. I’ve seen some of them get in the pool with our boys before, but watching them excitedly go down the hotel slip-n-slide on their day off (or host parties in their rooms after the boys were asleep, or go swimming in the canyon, etc.) was another level.  I can’t resist a little psychology moment: the moderate stress for the boys of being away from home and doing new things out of their normal routine is perfect for where all of our guys are at right now in their healing journeys. All of them have been home and stable long enough that this was a “just right” level of challenge to stretch them in healthy ways. To experience that stress surrounded by people who know and love them, then to experience coming back home, is truly therapeutic. 

1. Valya and her son, Maxim (Valya is not a smiler, so it’s difficult to know when she is having a great time 😉) 2. Our team members Valya and Natasha. (I’m telling you, the moms were living their best lives. Yes, that is a medal for summiting the mountain) 3. Vlad, Yarik, & Jed on the ski lift 4. Nina, Maxim, Natasha, Seriozha, Andriy, Anton, Valya, Tanya, Vova, Irina, Boris, Valya, Vlad 5. I can’t even see who all is together by the pool. A lot of us 🤷‍♀️ 6. Ruslan 7. Lesya & Ruslan (side note: it was super sweet seeing Ruslan with Lesya. They’ve known each other for years, but there is a subtle shift in how Ruslan relates to Max & Lesya now that they are his house parents)  8. Anton & Nina

My summary review of our trip: 10/10 would do again 😉
Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,
Christiana

BeLOVE[d] 🇺🇦

Hi Friends!

I apologize for the spotty newsletter coverage over the past month. Things have been [more than a little] unusual for our family and it’s been difficult to gather our thoughts and send them out to you. But I hate leaving you hanging, so today I’ll give you an update and then hopefully we’ll be able to return to our regularly scheduled newsletters. 🙃

As I wrote in the blog last October, it’s gotten harder and harder over the years to parse out what to share with you when it comes to our family. Not the big, Wide Awake Family, but our Johnson family. This story all started with our adoption journey waaaaay back in 2011, but then over the past 12 years, only by the grace and power of God, has transformed into a story of redemption that involves a whole team, 2 organizations, our precious boys, and way too many animals. I’m aware that there are many of you that read about our work, pray for the work, and financially support the work but have never met Jed or me. To you, this isn’t the story of the Johnson Family, this is just Wide Awake. But I also know that there are many of you who have known us personally since the beginning, and the story of Wide Awake, to you, is intricately entwined with the story of our nuclear family. And for those of you who know us, or have “known us” through blogs for many years, I know you have some questions. “What is going on with Jed and Kim????” Today, I will attempt to answer those questions with as much openness as possible, while still maintaining the dignity of all involved.  

As many of you know, our story of orphan care and adoption didn’t begin in Ukraine. When we were still living in the US we were foster parents of medically fragile infants for several years. Our last foster baby, Seth, eventually became our son. We brought Seth home from the hospital as a newborn and the story of his adoption was just one miracle after another. God made it very clear back then that he wanted Seth to be a part of our family and moved mountains to make it happen. He was and is our precious baby whom we love fiercely. 

Seth is okay with me sharing his story, so I share today with his blessing, FYI. 
Our Seth was born addicted to methamphetamine and his road has not been an easy one. We moved to Ukraine when he was only 3 years old, so at that point we still didn’t really know how his would be affected by the methamphetamine, because three year olds are three year olds…if you know what I mean. 😆 He had his struggles, but seemed to be developing pretty typically. 

Once Seth hit school age his struggles became more apparent, and then as he has grown, his struggles have grown. The older and bigger he gets, the more his behaviors affect him and others around him. We tried many, many methods of helping him to be successful in Ukrainian school with very little success. The educational standards in Ukraine are extremely high and there is no formal special ed programs or support, so if you need additional help or need to learn in a different way, there is no real help to be found. So school was a huge stress, but then home life also became more and more difficult and unsustainable. I won’t share details, because it’s very personal to our family, but it came to a point last winter when we understood that the help Seth needed was not to be found in Ukraine. Believe you me, we tried EVERYTHING. We are used to beating down every door to find help for our boys, but for someone like Seth, true help is nowhere to be found. 

Last winter we made the truly agonizing decision that after our Christmas visit Seth needed to stay in the US for a season so we could find help and support for him, not only for his sake, but for the sake of the rest of the family. So Jed and Seth stayed in Oregon, we enrolled him in school and began to seek out help from doctors and from adoption support services. As I’m sure you can imagine, there are no “quick” answers. and finding the right supports for Seth and our family has been and is, a time-intensive endeavor. So, this summer we had to make the difficult decision to continue on with Seth in the US for at least another semester of school. I’m here with him now in Oregon, getting housing all set up, enrolling him in school, and getting other supports in place, while Jed is in Ukraine with our other kids. At the end of August we will trade places- Jed will be here with Seth and I  will return to the Homestead. 

These decisions have not been made lightly, but have been made with many tears and sleepless nights. We are legally bound to our boys in Ukraine and our entire life is there, on the Homestead with our team and boys. It is not possible for our entire Johnson family to relocate to the US and leave our boys in Ukraine. We are their guardians. At the same time, Seth needs help that can’t be found in Ukraine. So, what are we to do? The only thing to do is divide and conquer. 

Jed and I have grieved so much over these past months. We have grieved that our life has come to this: that we have to live on opposite sides of the world during a time of war. We have grieved the loss of our ideal of family life. We have cried over Seth and begged God to heal his heart and mind. We have felt loss like we could have never imagined, and like I can’t even begin to describe. 

When I came to the US with Seth three weeks ago I felt completely hopeless. I felt like the lowest of the low. I felt forgotten and forsaken by the Lord and completely alone in my grief. But this time away has been a bit of a balm to my soul. God has provided wonderful housing for us. He has allowed Seth to be enrolled in a high school where my friend works who has always loved Seth. He has brought professionals along to encourage me and validate our struggle. I have been reminded to be thankful that we have the opportunity and capability to travel with Seth to where help can be found. Yes, it is extremely hard for Jed and I to be separated, but God is sustaining us. When we moved to Ukraine we went there to take people with disabilities out of institutions. Now we have come to the US with Seth in order to keep him out of an institutional setting. He is our child, our baby, and he needs our love now like never before. God gave him to us, so we will say YES and move forward, one step in front of the other. 

In the meantime, our amazing team keeps the work going and flourishing in Ukraine. Jed and I take turns at the helm on the Homestead, but our crew there gets the work done with amazing dignity, love, and hope. All is well, the work goes on, and our boys are thriving. 

Please keep our family in your prayers when you remember us. And please pray for our Seth. Pray that nothing would stand in the way of him becoming the man he was created to be. Pray for healing in his mind and heart. 

Thank you so much for loving us and our boys. Thank you for standing with us through all the storms that have come our way. If you have any questions or concerns we are happy to talk, so go ahead and ask away. ❤️

Wishing you sunny and peaceful skies,

Kim 🇺🇦

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Baby Lia Update

Remember our sweet Lia who was born at 28 weeks? Nina and Ruslan, her parents, are on our team. I’m writing today to ask you to pray for our sweet baby. She has always struggled with feeding, but in recent weeks has become nearly impossible to feed. Nina has resorted to feeding her with syringe. Supports in our city are super minimal for a baby like Lia, so Nina feels she has to tackle this all on her own. She is frustrated, tired, and worried for her baby girl. 

Please pray for a wise, caring doctor to help Lia and for wisdom and patience for Nina and Ruslan. We love our little Lia so much and it hurts to watch her suffer. Please pray for complete wholeness for her little body. Thank you! 🥰

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New Property Renovation 💪

We recently purchased a neighboring house with land and need to renovate it to make it livable for our Ruslan and his house parents, Max and Lesya. 

Here’s the list of what needs to be done to get the house move-in ready:
– New sub-floor and flooring
– New roof and bedroom on the second floor
– Plumbing: water and sewer
– Electrical: wires, outlets, lighting
– Heating
– Interior walls
– Bathroom
– Kitchen
– Appliances
– Furniture 

The goal is $60,000 to get the family moved on to the homestead. 
If you would like to help build Ruslan’s home, please consider making a donation by clicking the link below.

Thank you for your partnership!

Well Friends, camp happened. The interns planned it for months and it finally came and went. I’m happy to tell you that all involved reported it as a great success. Yes! The volunteers were plentiful and capable, the organization was great, the weather was decent, and most importantly- the boys were happy and loved and treasured for 5 whole days. It was great!

Like last year, the camp theme was the five senses. The interns set up bases around the territory of the institution ( a base for each sense), volunteers were matched up with boys, 1:1, and led by the boys’ interests they explored the bases each day. As added bonuses our team member Nina came and did massages each day, and for three of the days Dajana brought our horses for some horse therapy time. It was a really special time with a peaceful, smooth atmosphere. That’s not always the case at Romaniv!

Several of our friends and partners from the US came for the camp so that also made it extra special. Thank you to our friends from Hands of Hope: Suzy, Betsy, Phil, and Kevin for blessing us like always with your joy and love, and for your hearts of service. Guys- Phil and Kevin even deep-cleaned my kitchen! That might have been my biggest win of the week. Hehehe 😉 And thank you to Sarah and Sydney for choosing again to trek across the world to see us and just be with us. We love all of you and were so happy to spend the week together.

Last year at camp many of our volunteers were fairly new to Romaniv and didn’t have a lot of experience being there with the boys. It was so fun to see those same volunteers at camp this year after a full year of faithfully visiting the boys each week. The comfort and ease they exuded while with the boys made my heart full. It was obvious that when they go to Romaniv they are going to visit their friends. They know the boys intimately- their likes and dislikes, how to read their moods, how to help them when they are in crisis or just need a loving presence. What a blessing to have such faithful volunteers. I was encouraged just being with them.

There’s not a lot more I need to say. I’m just going to dump a lot of photos now and let them speak for themselves. Thank you to all who prayed for the camp. It was a blessing to all who were involved. ❤️