Where Do We Go From Here?

We’ve been home a little more than a week now.  That was fast!  I’m elbow deep into diapers, homeschooling, and “happy heart” chairing (our main method of dealing with meltdowns around here.  “Oh, go sit in the happy heart chair until you can change your attitude and have a happy heart.”  Seth and Havalah have spent an unfortunate amount of time in that chair this past week.  Gotta love resetting the boundaries….), and Jed has been back to work since the morning after we landed.  The question everyone is asking us is fresh in the front of our brains: 

“Now what?”  

Gooooood question!  Here’s what I can tell you for now:

1.  We know God wants our family in Ukraine.

2.  We don’t know exactly when we will get there.  We have a couple pesky things like a mortgage and jobs that need to be dealt with.  

3.  We don’t know how long He will want us in Ukraine.  We are open to 2 years or 20 years.  We won’t try to figure that one out on our own.  I know for me personally, I will have to go with the mindset that I am there for good no matter how long we actually stay.  I will have to root my hear there in order to be focused, otherwise I’m a grass is greener type of gal.  

So, for now we wait on the Lord for His next steps for us and prepare however we can in the meantime.  I’ve been like a crazy person this week purging my house.  If we know we will eventually be leaving, we know we’ll have to get rid of a bunch of our junk.  Why not start today?  I mean really, do I need an entire tote full of nursing school care plans and assignments?  Heck no.  Do I really need doubles of every single picture taken in college?  Probably not.  My hair was really bad then anyway.  I don’t need double the reminders.  I also had chipmunk cheeks.  Really!  I showed Jed a picture and he said it looked like I was storing food for winter in my cheeks.  Gee thanks…but it’s true…I’ll be the first to admit those were not my cutest days.  What else would you expect after 4 years of living in the dorms and a really severe allergy/aversion to exercise? (I hate pain) 

Oh my, the things we have saved over the years kill me.  Have you ever gone back and read old journals from junior high and high school?  If you need a good laugh or encouragement about how far you’ve come, read a few old journals.  Oh the humiliation!!!!  As I was sitting alone in my room reading old journals I actually found myself looking around in embarrassment as if someone would walk in at any moment and discover all the never-gonna-happen crushes I had back in the day.   I think I better burn those suckers before Jed finds them.  He’d never let me live it down.

Another step we’ve taken towards preparing for Ukraine is finding a Russian tutor!  We haven’t met her face to face yet, but we found a woman who is a believer who agreed to teach us.  She was a teacher in Russia and has lived in the States for 7 years.  Before moving here she taught English to Russians, and Russian to Russians, but she’s never taught Russian as a second language before.  This should be fun!  We are very motivated to learn and know it is essential that we learn as much as we can in the time we have.  We will meet her next week and get that ball rollin’.

Emotionally it’s been a hard week for me.  I’m happier than happy to be with my kids.  I’m so happy to see family and friends.  All that is wonderful and amazing.  There’s just one problem.  I left a ginormous piece of my heart in Ukraine.  I know Jed did too.  It’s just really difficult to have seen a part of the need and to know it’s still happening today, right this second, and we aren’t there to help.  I’m not saying we are the saviors, or we can fly in and  fix everything there with our magic fairy dust, by no means am I saying that.  We just know God called us to that work and we want to help, hands on, right now.  But, at the same time we want to continue waiting on the Lord and letting Him guide this thing.  His timing is everything.  His plan is at work and we want to stay right in the middle of it and not make our own way.  It’s emotionally tiring though.  I want to just stick a For Sale sign in my yard tomorrow and be done with it.  Good thing I’ve got Jed to reign me in.

So, that’s where we’re goin’ from here.  We’ll keep you posted as things continue to unfold.  In the meantime I’ll just keep weeding through embarrassing reminders of 1994-2001.  If you were my friend at any point during that time, shame on you for not telling me my hair was so bad.  On the other hand, maybe I should thank you for looking past my wings, perms, bandanas, Patty Duke flip, and HUGE bangs and loving the real me hiding behind the fluff.  

Good night!